Tell me if I've been an unreasonable bitch

[Singingbird]

Backstory. Been with P for 6 years, he has 2 teenage DCs from a previous relationship that live with their mother, I have 1 teenage DD from mine. Who lives with me 50% of the time. We have split a few times, on average once every couple of years in hugely dramatic ways which have involved the police due to his propensity for smashing TVs, Laptops, dishes and so on. He has also been violent towards me and I have been hospitalised on one occasion. He has a very nasty temper.

After splitting last year, we decided to try again in January. He has not worked since October last year due to illness. The illness is still a mystery to me as he comes back with a different diagnosis from each appointment. There are definitely some MH issues going on as well as physical. But he didn't seem to be able to get a doctors note, or whatever it takes to get any disability allowance/benefit.

I have been paying for everything. Mortgage in my name, it's my house. I set up a separate joint account so he could have some semblance of independence.

I found out he'd been secretly buying booze and that he'd lied to me about an appointment for what he told me was an induction course for a job. It was a meeting to start Community Service for which he has do fulfill after a drink driving conviction when we last split. I found a letter from them saying he turned up "unfit to work"... I suspect drunk.

So, I've had enough of this Cocklodger, and I've been procrastinating about chucking him out due to family commitments, but after a row the other night, I finally seized the opportunity and made him leave. He's now at his parents in another city.

So to get to the title question... I've cancelled the direct debit for his phone and cancelled the joint account. I think I've spent enough on this loser already, or have I been awful to leave him penniless, albeit with a roof over his head?

I feel so bullied and EAed by him I can't think straight. I keep thinking if the genders were reversed, Would everyone here be calling him a bastard?

I'd appreciate some opinions please.

You have definitely done the right thing. Stay strong. DO NOT LET HIM BACK INTO YOUR LIFE. Well done for getting rid!

Well done OP, you have made absolutely the right decision, and of course you must cut off the joint account.

Bin it. Don't cave. Teach your daughter how a a person should be treated by their partner.

Change the locks ASAP.

You have done nothing unreasonable. He is a shit of the first degree. Do not have him back. Have no contact with him.

This is your life and you deserve much, much better.

Well done. Change your locks. Report to police non emergency line just in case. Tell his parents that if he comes near you you will report him. Tell him that any form of communication with you will be reported. Do this in written form ie text/email.

You have done the right thing. If he is insured on your car, ring and get a rebate and have him removed from it. Cancel anything else you pay for. Get. A 25% discount on council tax.

Lucky parents to have their adult drunk work shy abusive son back. Make sure you don't have him back. He is an adult you are not responsible for supporting him, we are lucky in the uk we have a welfare state. They will decide if he is deemed ill enough to receive funds.

Possibly consider some counselling for yourself to see why you got back together with such a man. Ensure your teenage dd understands it is totally unacceptable to be treated like that.

Unfortunately brace yourself, he may well be in contact.

Of course you have done the right thing.

Just totally ignore any texts and emails that he may send.
Don't answer the phone to him.

Cut him out of your life completely.

You have done the right thing. and no, if genders were reversed the opinions wouldn't be different. Removing financial support if you had children together, if he had given up work to look after those children /house/you and now you were splitting then yes, perhaps you would have some obligation to support him financially. None of that applies here so no, don't give it another thought.

I have noticed increasingly in relationships where women have some control or financial independence there's this accusation that "if I was a woman and you were a man this behaviour wouldn't be allowed". It's bullshit and you must not fall for it. It's just a way for this kind of man to try regain power.