obsessive thoughts, how to stop them, any help/ideas that have worked?

[creativeme]

You may have all remembered a guy I dated and after the so called 3rd date him and I have realised we aren't quite compatible as he just doesnt want to talk and I need to accept that and let go, (he was the one with the strange comment, "don't get bored of my sexually will you?)

...whether its because its someone I can't have/understand/accept not sure but never had this feeling before and its annoying me....almost like I am letting him control my mind - arghh!! or he was or would have been just controlling.

So anyone found anything useful to work on these feelings to let go of and it worked over time, would be a huge help!!

thank you
xx

What do the intrusive thoughts actually consist of?

Find something to do.

Read a book, study, learn a new skill...all of these worked for me.

I still think of him from time to time but it's more obvious I'm a billion times better off now without him. It took time but it does go.

hi there thank you for responding, the need to know answers, and why we had such a powerful connection but underneath his father left when he was young, whereas my family are still together and we talk things out, he runs away....this is the struggle but I'm coming to terms with it and realising that our backgrounds are totally different but its hard as i am an open and deep person, he just isn't on the same wavelength but he was a lovely person from what i remember and saw.
I'm going to take your word for it and start reading/learning....maybe the gym would help!!

The gym is brilliant. You don't think about anything other than your next target and your energy levels will be given a boost, you'll meet new people, you'll sleep better, your mood will improve, you'll handle stress better and that's without all the physical benefits.

I miss it and can't go just yet until the kids are back at school.

You bought the sob story. He's presented himself as a big fat mystery and you want to solve it. Are you in one of the caring professions and see him as an interesting case study? Have you fallen into the role of 'rescuer' in relationships or friendships in the past? Have you undergone counselling yourself?

I think the only real solution for obsessing is time, distance and filling every waking hour with something absorbing until it passes.

hi CogitoErgoSometimes, no I am not in that profession and I think thats very judgemental of you to assume as well when you don't know anything about my past.
Its quite the opposite of what you have asked, I have never rescued anyone or been a victim/rescuer and not in friendships too, as I have a lovely healthy circle of friends and very close to my family. Always had the love I needed from mum and dad.
I am just looking for ideas to focus elsewhere nor do I want him back etc, so thinking the gym, thank you smilesandpiles, I remember someone else mentioning this too and worked for them so may go in a few minutes see where it leads me.

I asked questions... I assumed nothing... Sorry if I've hit a nerve....

I'm sorry, for some reason I was thinking you'd said intrusive thoughts. I agree with the other advice to distract yourself with activity.

thats ok, hopefully they won't revert to those thoughts, its just a strange feeling I have but Im slowly dealing with things....thank you everyone