Can relationship breaks ever work?

[HeyKu]

My 24 year old DNiece and her boyfriend of 6 years (aged 25) have recently decided to take a break from one another. Things between them had been going increasingly downhill, she says she still loves him but doesn't feel 'in love' and it was becoming a chore to spend time with him, they were both getting on each others nerves a lot, not arguing more but things just didn't feel the same as they did. Would anyone mind sharing their experiences of going 'on a break' as it's not something I've ever done personally and I'd love to support her more with this! She's just sad and confused at the moment. They both care deeply for one another and don't want to throw everything away but things had reached a dead end and this seemed like the best temporary solution for now.

Hi OP, I have no advice as I am currently in same position as your niece so watching this with interest

I didn't want to read and run.

In my taking a break works for some people, and doesn't for others. Someone always risks getting hurt.

"On a break" can mean something different to each person. Is seeing other people off the cards? If so, are they really "taking a break"? If they see someone else is the other person going to get jealous and hurt? Not to mention, taking a break doesn't really solve whatever the issue is.

It's understandable she's mourning the loss of her relationship, and I think it's admirable they're "taking a break" while still caring for each other, rather than ending up hating each other.

I do think the time apart will help them decide whether to go ahead with the relationship, or end things, BUT, I wouldn't be surprised if someone ends up upset because one decides to try again and the other doesn't.

I think they should try and be honest as soon as possible to just end things. If they find each other again, great, but a clean break is a better solution in my opinion. No risk of crossed wires (unlike that Friends episode where Ross and Rachael were on a break).

Thanks sykadelic, they're not seeing other people as she says that would cause too much hurt, Ross and Rachel did spring to mind! Blahdeblah I hope things work out for you!

It depends what you mean by 'work'. A break can allow a couple the breathing space to decide that they miss each other .enough to give it another try ... or .... it can confirm the suspicion that life is better solo. 'Let's have a break' can also be a fence-sitting way of saying 'it's over but I haven't the guts to say it'. Does 'sad and confused' mean that the break was more his idea or did she initiate it? Are they still in touch or trying to stay out of each other's way?

Suggest the best thing you can do for her is remind her that she's a terrific human being. Bolster her confidence

It was a pretty even decision, they had both been thinking about it, she says she hadn't been completely happy for several months before it got to this point. At the moment they're not contacting or seeing each other at all, no time limit, just until something becomes apparent I suppose, whatever 'that' might be! They both don't want to break up at this point though, he definitely doesn't and she hopes she'll find out with time what she really wants, whether that's to try again or let it go.

I think you should encourage her to go out and live a little rather than putting life on hold. If he is in 'definitely doesn't want to break up' territory and she was at the stage where it was a chore to be with him it sounds as though she's a lot more keen on the separation than he is. With a little push she might find the courage to break free properly.

One experience from reading about relationships here is that people often start out by saying they 'grew apart' or something fairly bland. However, with a little digging, they might go on to admit that there were other problems, usually more serious, that they have been keeping a lid on. I don't know how close you are to her but maybe that's an avenue you can explore?

I think breaks should have defined objectives and time limits for everyone's sake.
Being apart only helps evaluate how much they miss each other or to decide with a clear head wheather to go ahead or not.
If there are issues in the relationship, they should be worked on while separated, so that both can have time away to work on those issues.
As you described it, your niece wants to break up but doesn't have the guts to end it permanently.
What does she honestly expect to happen?
Everything will stay the same.
Time apart may help to forget the bad bits and rose-tint their glasses, bit it won't solve their problems.