Sorry for the long post!
We've been married slightly over 10 years years and have three beautiful children under the age of 10.
Due to some changes a few years ago job opportunities for me changed dramatically. After lengthy discussions with my OH we decided I would take a job abroad as there was nothing in the UK. Because of the location it wasn't really an option for us to move out as a family and we didn't want to disrupt the children's education or my OH to give up her job. I could make good money and get back regularly. It was hard but was the only option at the time other than having a major lifestyle change. We contacted each other every day. Skype became our main means of communication and I was still able to be involved with homework and listening to the children read. In addition I sent gifts and flowers, brought gifts back every time I came home tried to spend as much quality time as I could with them. The money meant we cleared everything we owed apart from the mortgage. It wasn't easy for anyone but we had the support of friends and family back home.
I then had a year off looking after family, doing school runs, etc, covering all costs with the money we'd saved while I was working abroad and so giving something back to my OH who had had a difficult time with me not being there. She was, however distant and didn't really want to do anything as a couple or spend any quality time together. I felt she was pushing me away. I put this down to readjusting to being back together full time.
During the year off I applied for over 50 jobs and got nowhere. I was either over qualified for the roles were already sorted before the advert went out. Then a role came up abroad again. I didn't want to take it but, as I couldn't find anything else, we decided that there was no option and that it would be easier to find something else if already employed. The location also meant we could see each other much more regularly and the family could visit. Again, we agreed that, as it was only for a year, we didn't want to disrupt the family by moving everyone to another country. Personally I think we could have all benefited from a much better quality of life and the time could have been right in terms of the children's education.
I'm not perfect. I'm not the best communicator in our relationship but I love my wife and children very much. Everything I have ever done has been for them. Contrary to what my OH might believe, I do not enjoy working away - I would much rather be with her and my children. She has said I am a good provider but a rubbish husband - I can't win. I had no choice but to work abroad. She didn't want to downsize or move the family abroad. What was I supposed to do? For the year off I tried to find something without putting any additional burden on her - she works part time. I didn't ask for any extra financial contributions. She was having problems with her job and provided as much support as I could. This year she would not take a year out to join me, although she has visited. It has not been easy for anyone but I firmly believe in my wedding vows.
I have, however, now discovered that my OH is having an affair. It appears to have started when I went abroad again to work (which might explain why she was so keen for me to go) and seems to have got much more serious recently. He is a friend from way back that got back in touch a little over a year ago. His marriage ended after an affair and he's had several relationships since and is currently in one. She's also been spending time with him with our kids and his OH so that they are getting to know him when I'm not there. Apparently he's prepared to take our kids on! At the moment she's distancing herself from me and meaningful communication has all but stopped.
I really don't know what to do. I have the opportunity of extending my contract where I am and am still applying for things in the UK but getting nowhere. I'm trying to do what is best for my family but she doesn't seem to accept (or want) that.