What was the final straw? What made you leave?

[insanityscratching]

I've been married almost 26 years, on Wednesday I made up my mind to plan to leave my EA and FA arse of a husband. The decider for me was when he declared I was incapable of making a cup of tea that was fit for him to drink after he had simultaneously let two (that I made and put next to him) go cold, intentionally I think.
I have put up with so much over the years and have been desperately unhappy at times and soldiering on at others. Now knowing that there is an end in sight I'm happier than I have been for years.
Was it something big that made you leave or was it just something small that tipped you over the edge?
Can I have your best tips too for getting away?

Well mine cheated.
I was going to try but when he said that myself and his own DD were his DUTY! That did it for me right there.
I knew I couldn't get over the cheating anyway about a day after I agreed to try again.

I didn't get away, he did. But I had to put up with him for 6 months first.
He moved to another country so that was good!

I think if you are really set on leaving then you need to get some legal advice regarding divorce and finances.
Also contact CAB and understand what you are entitled to in benefits, tax credits, housing etc...
Then if you have kids under 18 contact CSA and find out what you can claim from him for maintenance.

Good luck. After 23 years you certainly deserve some freedom and happiness.

If you are really finding it hard and want some support then contact Womens Aid.

Sorry 26 years!

I had a lightbulb moment after yet another drunk and verbally abusive outburst. Something went in my head and I thought "I don't have to put up with this shit". There was no going back after that.

I've noticed it's sometimes the smallest thing that tips someone over the edge into leaving.

Good luck OP

I looked at my DDs and knew I would be horrified if they were in a relationship like mine when they were older. The next day DD (age 5 at the time) said 'Daddy doesn't live with us anymore, he called mummy a cunt' at carpet time at school in front of her whole class. I knew then that I made the right decision and the decision was permanent.

When I sat at the top of the stairs and said "if we don't sort this, I'm going to leave" and he walked away saying "that's ridiculous, there's nothing to talk about, we're ok" and ignored me for the rest of the day.

I've stayed because my youngest two have autism, he's never helped or supported me in caring for them (or indeed any of them) but they like things to stay the same so I stayed to avoid upsetting their lives particularly ds who is 19.
Now ds doesn't speak to me and is his father's eyes and ears (I suspect dh engineered this), I'd want him to come with me but suspect he'd stay until it clicked that it is me who looks after and cares for him and makes his life bearable regardless of the fact he doesn't acknowledge my existence.
I'm determined to leave, not in a rush though with a plan and I need to save some money and sort out somewhere to live and some work to do that. I'm safe enough here dh has never laid a finger on me and won't, he's a bully but he's wary of our two oldest boys who have his measure and who adore me.
I've told my eldest boys and they will help, it made me laugh when they said "about bloody time" I've done a good job they are nothing like dh thank God.