Dear all, sorry for the meandering rant.
Some backround info. I am the eldest child of four children who suffered emotional and physical abuse at the hands of our parents. My DM has "tried" very much to change and to a certain extent has. DM, apologised for her behaviour over the years, but an apology doesn't really change anything. In fact she chooses to minimise her and my father's behaviour a lot. Her latest offering to me was " well, I just aways thought that you and dad were very alike so would naturally antagonise one another" eh no I was a child and he was an adult or he "he never meant that he really loves you" or "it did't happen every day" To be honest I was beaten black and blue, I suffer from extreme selfconciousness because I was constantly hit during homework, told how horrible I was etc etc and now to this day I am terrified to get things wrong. Any way i am now a mother myself and have chosen to get past my past and I try to be a good mother, albeit not a perfect one, and I choose to have my parents in my life. I have organised birthday parties for my parents and anniversaries....My siblings also are quite involved with them. However, behind their backs almost spit venom when they talk about them........To get to the point, my mother has never stood up for me, my whole life I have felt alone. I had nobody I could turn to. I had to go through my first couple of periods alone with toilet roll and I had to steal one of her bras initially. To this day my mother is the same. The latest insult is my ds arranged a visit to my house. We were so pleased. It was arranged months in advance. Two days beforehand ds cancels and is somewhat shocked when I express sadness. My mother was on the sidelines giving ds excuses as to why she shouldn't come to stay at my house. I should have said earlier that I am moving a great distance from my family soon and this will be the last chance I have to see them. Why couldn't my mother understand how sad i would be. How come my ds cannot understand how sad I would be. I am not sure what I'm looking for, I just needed to vent. This is just a a tiny part of the hurt i suffer. Luckiy I'm happily married with great kids and for the most part I can and should just forget about them. Fortunately i have just one more week of my mother and then an ocean will separate us. Thanks for listening.