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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Doing the right thing

2 replies

Chaos57 · 14/08/2014 22:44

Advice people.. I'm a dad of 2 great kids (8 and 6), I'm resident parent and been in a relationship for 2 and a bit years with somebody who has 2 kids the same ages (2 boys 2 girls). Recently we moved in together and the kids have been great together. However I am asking for advice on two fronts - firstly I continually get a hard time from my OH as she thinks I favour my own children (ie buying my daughters birthday presents - as she says without her input on some of them) and treat them differently. The second part is that we are at continual loggerheads because I feel unappreciated for everything I do (looking after her and all the kids and working after an op, or running the kids everywhere or cooking all the meals) and she feels that I'm obstinate. The advice I'm looking for is that I'm met with aggression and resentment - with things being brought up from months ago - that I don't listen, that I don't make her my priority.. I'm starting to feel that its verging on emotional abuse??? I know I'm not always easy to live with - opinionated, blinkered etc but I have to ask myself am I in the right or in the wrong?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/08/2014 22:56

It's a big leap from going out with someone to living with them and that applies to both of you. Adapting to the change is going to create friction. I don't know how recent it is that you moved in together or what preparations and discussions you had beforehand. In any case, nothing is ever resolved by nit-picking, arguments and dredging up old wrongs. There is no place in any relationship for aggression and it is extremely unfair on DCs, who presumably have already been through relationship breakdown or bereavement, to expose them to it.

If you can't communicate kindly and constructively with each other then I'd suggest you throw everything into reverse and stop living together.

Lweji · 15/08/2014 13:27

Often it's not a matter of who is right or wrong, but whether we can listen to each other and compromise.

You say you do a lot, but what does she do? How do you take care of her?
What violence are you subjected to? If she is violent towards you then you should leave without another thought.

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