Will I just stay single and childless :(

[evuscha]

I am 27 (and half) - still young I suppose, but with majority of my friends marrying their long term partners and having babies these days I do wonder what is wrong with me.

I have had some relationships in past, several short term ones, one or two "good ones" (in a way that I thought I would perhaps stay with that man and loved them at the time)...the good ones were however ages ago (late teens/early 20´s) and since for the last 4-5 years it was really just the short term ones/casual dating leading nowhere. Although I liked those guys, I wasn´t really in love - love really only happened to me when I was much younger.

I am trying to figure out what is wrong with me that while everyone seems to manage the settling down starting a family well, I cannot meet the right man no matter if I try or not. I am reasonably happy with myself - have a lovely family and friends, great job, my own apartment in a nice location - I do not consider myself pretty but I am reasonably happy with my looks as well. Am I too picky with men? I may be but how can I not be, how can I push myself into liking someone I don´t actually like? That seems to be the biggest problem for me - for ages I haven´t met a man that I would truly like/love. And whenever I tried to compromise/go for a guy that wasn´t really what I was looking for, it never worked out anyway.
(just to clarify I am not looking for the richest most handsome guy - rather someone I can feel connection with, laugh with and do stuff together)

Another problem is the usual one - it is hard to meet new men when I am busy either working or meeting friends/family. I tried online dating but I only met guys that were either boring or strange (plus the way how so many conversations start and just fade away when the guy moves to the next one really annoys me).

I also suppose I send some wrong vibes - I am a bit shy/not the usual relaxed myself when meeting someone new so it is never clear to them that I may be interested or even single - I am friendly in my communication but unfortunately (?) not flirty. (and not being able to drink due to health issues isn´t helping!) This also makes it a bit harder to meet someone.

Not sure what I am looking for from this thread, maybe just a rant or maybe just to hear from someone who has been there done that (ideally with a happy ending :)

I am just really sad these days, just working and coming back to an empty flat, going to weddings alone and becoming a bit bitter as a consequence and overthinking the whole thing. And that of course also isn´t helping...

You just haven't met the right person yet. Give it time

OP I was in the same boat as you at your age. Will mark my place and come back tomorrow for a chat...

Chin up love x

Thank you!! I just think there is a fine line between "the right man will come along" and between "he will not come along at all" - it is not a guarantee that I will meet him.
When I say "all my friends manage just fine to settle down and start a family", sadly it is not always the case that they met the love of their life and live happily ever after. Sometime they compromised an awful lot and married a man that I wouldn´t stay with for a second (including one who already cheated on her before the wedding).
So that´s the thing, I really want to meet the right one, I just don´t know how, where, if.

Same age, same situation.

Watching with interest.

At least neither of us are the only one in the situation

< clutches at straws >

TonyThePony actually we are not alone I still have a couple of single friends (not that many though) and all of them are lovely people as well so that just goes to show how hard it is to meet someone (no matter how nice you are)

Also looking forward to some happy stories and tips.

I kept trying. Met my wonderful DH at 35. And I now have 2 lovely children too. Keep your eyes pealed!!!!

You are 27.

You have 10 years before you need to start worrying.

I feel the same only im alone with 4 kids. Dad of elder3 died years ago, dad of baby s couldnt keep it in his pants. All men in between just took me for a ride. 28 and feel bitter n cynical at times, so sick of seeing others get their happiness while i plod on alone with little social life and no companion. makes u wonder if its you or something u do that makes you less desirable x

So sorry to hear it honey86 and thanks everyone for their comments.

I even realize I am overreacting a bit - it is just that almost everyone I know is settling down starting a family that makes me feel something is wrong with me.

Also, how do I keep my eyes open without overdoing and overthinking it? For example, I met a lovely man at a conference, we spent most of the day chatting, I thought he was interested, we exchanged business cards....turned out he was married and was just being (business) friendly. Any nice man I meet (and usually turns out to be already taken) I immediately start being "too interested" especially as I dont meet that many nice ones usually.

Just to clarify, I don´t want a relationship only because everyone else is doing it, I want it because I feel lonely and would love a soulmate to do fun things with, travel with and plan a future.

Just relax, get out there and do things you like doing.

I was single in my early 30's and remember feeling a bit like that, But things happen and I was married with 2 DC by 40. Now divorced mum of teens with a lovely new DP at 50!

You have plenty of time.

27? you are still an embryo - stop worrying about it, lead a full happy life and the men will come to you

I was in a similar situation to you OP 1.5 years ago although I did have a child from a previous relationship. I was 30, hadn't been in a long term relationship for 5 years and only had 2 short term ones. I was ready to become and old maid Then out of the blue, I met DP and it's been great ever since. I tried OD and tbh found it a bit soul destroying, try joining a club. Hopefully it will happen for you sometime soon

I sobbed in a restaurant when I was about your age OP... I was with a good friend who was married with kids and I felt like I'd be single forever.

She advised me to spend the next year saying "yes" to every invitation I received... Every party, every night out, every date etc. Even if they sounded terrible!

It was great advice, I had a blast, met some interesting and some awful people. Kissed some frogs... And then a friend of a friend invited me to her birthday. It was a bit random, I'd only met her twice but I went and that was where I met my DH. A year later we got married and another year later we had dd1. So from a sobbing single wreck to married with dc in 2.5 years.

You will meet someone, it will happen. And you want to be able to say you made the most of your single years, you'll never get them again once you've met him (hopefully!!!)

Oh evuscha you know when you're 15/16 and you feel grown up and think you know everything and then a few years down the line you realise you were just a kid and knew nothing..?

In a few years time you're going to look back and realise how young 27 really is and how you had nothing to worry about. You only left school 9 (11?) years ago. Or graduated 6 years ago. Or only just gone to university (if you were me).

Time passes. Age is just a number. Blah blah. But it's true. You don't need to worry yet.

And besides (as sad a thought as it is) a lot of your friends who have settled down with someone they met at 21, 23, 25... will have seperated or divorced by the time they're 40. Or be stuck in relationships they are unhappy about and feel they can't leave (the threads here are full of these!)

Did you really feel you'd met someone in your late teens that you thought you loved? Could spend the rest of your life with? Perhaps you didn't really love these men (boys!), perhaps you just thought you did and in the last few years you've readjusted your expectations?

I'm 39, I have two children and I'm now single again - and young. Well I have a boyfriend, at the moment, but I'm actually really enjoying having time to myself and enjoying my single life. Make the most of yours. Don't waste it worrying about finding a man

I didn't meet my husband until I was 33, if that is any consolation. And he is absolutely and definitely worth the wait!

I completely understand how you feel, but there is plenty of time for you to meet the right person and have a child/children. Two years ago, I was extremely single and had pretty much accepted that I was going to be single forever. Two months later, I got with my now husband (we met at work). It can happen just like that, out of the blue - one day you're forever single, the next you're on a date with the most amazing guy you've ever met.

Concentrate on yourself and what you want to do for yourself, don't keep on the lookout for a man (I used to do this - every man I met was a potential future husband!) and don't compare your life to anyone else's.

Stop looking so hard! You are very young and have plenty of time.

Once you are confident and happy with yourself you will radiate that, rather than desperation.

Take advantage of the fact that you are single and can take your life in any direction without having to think about how it affects your partner. I've been in your situation - single through most of my 20s, with only short-term relationships in my early 30s, wondering if I would ever meet someone really special. I spent most of those years working abroad in several different countries - learnt a new language, new skills and had amazing experiences. Very unlikely that any of that would have happened if I had been in a serious relationship. Soooo glad that I did it all when I could, because now that I am married (met DH at age 35) with dc there is no way it would be possible. Life has become very routine - it has to be.

Write a list of things you would love to do/try - be adventurous, open-minded and creative with the possibilities. Then get started on it! You have years before you have to worry about finding the 'right man'. And to be honest, men change so much in their 20s that it's better to wait till they're older and their character, goals, family plans, etc are a bit more settled and they understand better who they are and what they are looking for.

Thank you everyone for your kind comments! I do realize I still have time and that I need to take my mind off it, it is just a bit hard to do sometimes (but necessary, I know)

Great idea with the list of things Guin1. Actually I have been enjoying life so far, also lived abroad for some periods of time and had a blast (so in that way I am grateful for being single) - and now it feels a little bit like I would actually like to settle down a little bit and meet someone to share the experiences with. It is however also a good point that it might be better to meet someone later as men change (and so have I, probably, in the last few years)

Also good point about saying yes to every invitation and going out a lot. Joining a club also sounds good, I have always wanted to learn golf (tried once and liked it) and I also like gigs that men often like (punk rock, mostly) so there is plenty of options in fact - it hasn´t worked out yet but maybe it will one of these days.

(feeling a bit more positive today, I also did a counselling session today - although aimed at communication as it was through work, but the counsellor gave me some helpful tips on building self confidence)

I agree with Folkgirl that what this probably means is that as you're blissfully settling down with someone and thinking about starting a family, several of your friends will be getting divorced.

Once at a dinner party when I was in my early 20s one of my friends asked an glamorous older American guest whether she thought it was a good idea to get married young/in your 20s. She completely seriously said, 'Well, I suppose it depends how many times you want to get married. If you want to fit in 4 or 5 husbands you might need to get started'.

You will be fine, you sound really clued up. All you need is to do things that allow you to meet people outside coupled off friends, and time will do its thing.

If you get to a point when you really, really want a baby and there is no suitable man, there is always adoption or donor sperm as an option. These are much better than forming a relationship with an unsatisfactory man just so your child will have two parents.
It's far better to be single than in an unsatisfactory relationship. Don't ever settle or compromise or even date a loser or a bully or a minger just so you're Not Single. Good luck.

I'm 41 and expecting my first child altho I'm not with the dad. I haven't given up hope of meeting someone in the future. You've got plenty of time x

Oh I absolutely agree it is better to be single than with a wrong man! (which is partly why I am single, I cannot push myself into a relationship with someone I don´t like all that much - although one of my good friends did just that and now is very happy she says - so I wonder if I also should give guys a chance and not to write them off based on the first impression...)

I also agree it is wise to marry a bit later...nicely put temporaryusername

Oh and Seasidegirly best of luck with the baby!

I suppose it is this idea that one should stay married to one person that you have children with that puts a lot of pressure on us around 30 to settle down with someone. While that would be ideal, in reality half of the marriages do end up in divorce so I might as well keep an open mind about these things anyway..