Unrequited Love?

[DowntonFlabbey]

So, I am devastated! I'm wondering how on earth to deal with this situation.

Found myself completely besotted with a lovely man. To the point where I'd daydream about him, heart aflutter, staring at my phone in case he'd text.

I know it's not love, we've seen each other a handful of times. He does not feel the same, sadly. I just am completely heartbroken, and really, quite cross with myself. I am usually very cool in these situations.

I just can't stop thinking about him, and I don't want to!

Has anyone else been like this before? Please tell me it goes away!!!!

It will go away if you don't feed it. If you do, any contact whatsoever, it won't.

Sorry OP, I've been in this situation before and it really is a terrible feeling.

It's infatuation, it's very addictive and in the early stages of a relationship where both parties feel the same it's wonderful. But if only one person feels it it can be terribly upsetting.

My only advice is to go nc, delete his number, block him from all your facebook etc and find something to occupy your time and thoughts asap. The sooner you do this the sooner the pain will start to subside. Don't keep messaging him. Every little reply will set you back, even just a few words from him. Erase him from your life and you will start to move on.

Very sensible advice. It's mad, this infatuation. Just want the mad feeling in my tummy to go away!

I feel your pain!

It does subside... Last date with my Mr Perfect was last November... I was devastated to say the least when it "fizzled out" (his words).. A kind way of saying he wasn't that into me! It still hurts & I feel very silly that I got attached to such a flighty type.
I still bump into him from time to time & it kind of feels like a fresh wound when I see him. I daydream of losing weight & becoming a goddess & him falling for me but that's not going to happen.. I also compare others to him & that stops me moving on.. Basically if physically possible I'd like to kick myself up the bum!

Lust is a bitch isn't it? You know its not love per se, right?

Its lust and is hard to deal with as its often confused with love, partly because of the way we are conditioned to assume lust = love and also because lust is such a strong emotion. I don't assume you imagine being in bed with him endlessly, but its the heightened emotional state.

Nc is the best thing and also dating others and keeping busy. And tell yourself he's very possibly a bore and you're had a lucky escape- because there's no future with him, so don't make one up!

But its very hard. I do empathise with you, and I would also add don't encourage yourself with thoughts of love and reading about love etc etc

Someone suggested I think of him having a poo. God!

Yup, that's the one that works. Build yourself a detailed mental picture of him sat on the bog with skidmarked baggy pants round his ankles, unwashed hair and a sit or so, grunting away and picking his nose at the same time...

With a huge haemorrhoid hanging from his arse!

I think we "lust" after people even more when we realise they are unobtainable, like a pop star or an actor. So perhaps the fact that he is not obtainable is making it all the more lusty for you.

I think with lust you can have your illusions shattered for really weird reasons. I once lusted after a work colleague for a total age, but one day he slurped his coffee and it was a complete turn-off!!

oh gross!!!!!

"Basically if physically possible I'd like to kick myself up the bum!"

You could probably fashion yourself some kind of rudimentry arse kicking device like the one in the Mousetrap board game, using a broom handle, an old boot, a length of string and a crank.

Mademen

I'm on it right now!!!

Or perhaps just not walk past his house to the bus stop or walking the dog go round the long way instead!! Oh dear... I am officially a boiler of bunnies!

Yes I have been where you are and emotionally it hurts like hell. Might sound weird but the song Don't cha by the pussy cat dolls got me through.

I used to lust after someone I worked with. Not an obsession really just a mild fantasy for a boring afternoon at work. I drove into work one day just after him and saw him getting out of his spotlessly clean Range Rover wearing a tweed cap. Fantasy went POP!

I wish I was at the stage where I could think of something about him that would gross me out. Alas, I still think he's perfect.

I did the big delete today. Hasn't helped yet. Time will heal I suppose. Feels like I've just been dumped by my first love. The agony!