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Relationships

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Original poster

My partner is going away for a week...

22 replies

YoureInMySystemBaby · 14/08/2014 14:17

As the title states, my partner is going away for a week - he's going to one of his friends weddings, which is being held in Slovakia (the bride originates from there).. Anyway, the groom dislikes me - not entirely sure why. All the friends and their partners were invited (except me) - though I couldn't have gone anyway as I have 3 children from previous relationships (one a teen pregnancy and the other two from my ex-husband) and could never get my children looked after for that length of time (or afford it!)...

The groom-to-be, however, has previously tried to set my partner up with one of the bride-to-be's friends - one time prior to us meeting, and the second time was about 6 months ago. I've been with my partner for 3 years now! Of course, as the brides friend, this woman is naturally going to the wedding.

I feel sick at the thought.

I am comfortable enough to broach this with my partner - we have very open lines of communication - I just don't WANT to. I don't want him to carry the burden of me sitting at home, feeling sick at the thought - it would affect him terribly, he is a sensitive soul.

I truly want him to go worry free and have an enjoyable week away with his friends and brother, enjoying celebrating his childhood friends wedding celebrations. I want him to go away, guilt free - as he rightly deserves, as he is a very loving, kind, trustworthy and supportive man, who has never given any indication whatsoever, that he is anything other than absolutely besotted with me and my children, even three years later - we've never come out of the honeymoon phase to be truthful!

Of course, I have plans with family and friends throughout that week - nights out, play dates for the kids etc to keep everyone occupied - we both have very healthy social lives together and separately...

In three years, since we first met and started dating, we have never gone 7 days and nights without seeing each other - particularly the past two years. Perhaps that's my issue. If I know him, absence will definitely make the heart grow fonder...

Bleah. He leaves on Tuesday. Despite all of the above, I still have a feeling of utter DREAD in the pit of my stomach.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 14/08/2014 14:23

he is a very loving, kind, trustworthy
Your words here!
Please take note of them again and again.

Have a talk to him.
Don't make him feel guilty but just mention that you will miss him a lot and to make sure his 'friend' (he sounds a delight!) doesn't sabotage your relationship.

Aussiebean · 14/08/2014 14:30

You don't have to go into the conversation accusing him of anything.

You can say that it was a silly thought in your head that the groom would try and set him up again. And that upset you because it would show he still doesn't accept you.

NOT. And how you then think your dp would then fall into her arms.

Be open and honest but don't accuse him of anything. As he has done nothing. Then he can go to the wedding, be on the look out for it and you can both laugh at how silly the groom was.

WalkWithTheLonelyOnes · 14/08/2014 14:33

If your DP wanted this woman surely he would have gone for it before you two met.

From your OP it seems that your DP didn't want this women but he did want you

Original poster

YoureInMySystemBaby · 14/08/2014 14:37

You're right - and he really is as I've described.. no exaggeration on my part. You're totally right. deep breath He's the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with... :]

His friend is a total idiot. I was his +1 at a wedding 2 years ago and he drunkenly told me not 'to have kids' with this man - who has been nothing but excellent with my children. However, it seemed more like a dig at me, with 3 children, that I didn't understand the concept of contraception - which I absolutely do! Prior to that, he and I (the friend) got on fairly well. Even the friends father (at the wedding I attended) seemed utterly disgusted when he discovered my partner, who he's known since a boy, was with me when I have 3 children... But he IS his friend, and I try to be respectful of that...

OP posts:

Nomama · 14/08/2014 14:59

Just help him pack his best bib and tucker, see him off with a smile.

It is his friend who is a dick, not your DP.

But you could tell him how much you will miss him... and that you expect to hear that dickhead mate has thrown the poor girl at him again [brave smile].

Would that be casual enough?

rb32 · 14/08/2014 15:40

Don't say anything, it's not your partners fault and anything you do say will make him worry. If you trust him then just do that!

Original poster

YoureInMySystemBaby · 14/08/2014 15:53

I think I just plan to show him what he'll be missing while he's away and plant something (sneakily) in his bag that will make him eager to be home again! Haha!

I really don't like subscribing to the whole jealous ex thing, I'd rather put on a brave face than even mention anything - we're soon the same page, if I was even to broach the subject, he'd see through my words and then worry regardless of whatever it is I said... Whereas if I just make sure he knows I love him wholeheartedly, he'd be desperate to be home again. I am sure..

OP posts:

Original poster

YoureInMySystemBaby · 14/08/2014 15:54

Jealous ex? Jealousy thing* is what I meant ha :)

OP posts:

heyday · 14/08/2014 16:24

You sound like a really loving, happy couple. Maybe just mention something very low key. Keep yourself busy whilst he is away and, I think for you two, that absence really will make the heart grow stronger. Just think of the wonderful sex you will have on his return after a week apart.
Fear of the unknown is often far worse than the reality. The week will zoom by and you can be back together again.

SweetErmengarde · 14/08/2014 16:27

Why is your DP still friends with a man who openly insults you, excludes you and attempts to sabotage your relationship?

If someone tried that with me and DH, it would result in me going very low to no contact, and certainly not taking the time and expense to attend their overseas wedding!

Original poster

YoureInMySystemBaby · 14/08/2014 16:33

We are really are a loving partnership, I just hate the thought that this 'woman' purposefully recorded a video on his friends (the grooms) phone for him KNOWING (both HE and SHE) that he was in a long term relationship and he's about to be exposed to her for a full 7 days and 7 nights. He's sharing a room with his younger brother who knows him (if not better) than I do, so I don't think his brother would let him go astray (though we don't know each other that well - he is as shy and reserved as my partner and it took a LONG time for me to get to know him like I do)... But I figure that's in my favour... Gah, I'm an idiot.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 14/08/2014 16:42

What's the video about? Is that recent or the previous incident you referred to?

badbaldingballerina123 · 14/08/2014 16:42

Why is your partner friends with this jerk ? What has your partner said about you not being invited , and about how the friend has treated you ? I'd drop my friend if they treated my partner like this.

Thurlow · 14/08/2014 16:47

You need to ask yourself, and answer, a very simple question.

Do you think your DP would sleep with someone else just because a girl made it known she was available?

If the answer is yes then that highlights huge problems in your relationship that have very little to do with this wedding.

If the answer is no then there is nothing to be worried about.

You sound very much like you're in the second camp anyway. I do understand why you are worried, though, and why you feel uncomfortable with it.

You hate the thought of this women making passes at your DP and his friends encouraging it. That's fair enough.

But do you really think he would sleep with her?

Give him a night or two to remember before he goes, and the odd text during the week explaining what his missing It's what a lot of people do before they spend time apart anyway. It certainly won't hurt to remind him what he's missing at home.

Original poster

YoureInMySystemBaby · 14/08/2014 16:50

It was a drunken video (of the woman in question) begging my partner to go and meet them (her, the grrom - and his friend - and the bride-to-be) as she still had a soft spot for him.

He said, due knowing this bloke for so long - since they were 7 and he's now 31 - that his mate would have known the score by his lack of response, i.e. he wasn't impressed in the slightest.

I agree, if one of my friends disrespected my partner, I would have far more to say - that said, I'm a stereotypical extrovert North-East woman haha..

He's a VERY quite, reserved kind of person though (opposites attract!). It takes A LOT to rile him - when he gets passionate about football, it slightly unnerves me! haha Not used to hearing him raise his voice. We never even argue, we talk..

OP posts:

Original poster

YoureInMySystemBaby · 14/08/2014 16:54

I am in the second camp, definitely... and it is the fact I HATE the fact this woman may make passes at him and a handful of friends would encourage it.

That's exactly it.

Do I think he would act on it? Nope. Aside from the fact he said he wasnt attracted to her in the first instance - before he and I met - he'd be too scared to do a solitary thing. He's a MEGA shy one- you have NO idea the amount of time and effort that I had to put into snagging this amazing man! lol

OP posts:

Tilpil · 14/08/2014 19:41

For me yes you trust him but if you have such an open relationship surely you should be able to speak to him of your worries and let him make his own decision with how he handles it?
I wouldn't be happy and I would want my partner to know that I trust him 100% but that I would like to hear from him as soon as she made a pass on him rather than to find out off his friends who by the sounds of it would like to set him up and video it just to rile you up

Original poster

YoureInMySystemBaby · 14/08/2014 19:49

@Tilpil - I can and could talk to him about it, I'd just rather not, as he is not at fault and hasn't put a foot wrong or done a solitary thing to warrant any suspicion etc - he is an exemplary partner in ALL aspects...

I am loathe to let his last thoughts be, before he leaves, that I am sitting worrying about HIS ability to be faithful, when it'snot himspecifically that I worry about, kwim?

OP posts:

Flossiex2 · 14/08/2014 20:28

I'm not sure I would be totally cool that my partner was going away for a week and I was deliberately not invited when others' wives and girlfriends were.

What does your partner have to say about that? Is he not offended on your behalf? Irrespective of whether or not you could actually go, you should have been invited.

Flossiex2 · 14/08/2014 20:30

I would be seriously pissed off he was going at all, let alone with this other possible scenario with the woman. And a whole week? No, wouldn't be happy.

Original poster

YoureInMySystemBaby · 14/08/2014 20:33

I guess we didn't really think about it - to me, it'sno big deal that he's going, irrespective of my invite because I couldn't go regardless. My problem isn't that one of his childhood friends doesn't like me either - the others do, plus his more recent university friends - though this is irrelevant to me, I can accept I am kinda like Marmite. My problem with this childhood friend is his insistance on trying to set him with another woman, and not just ANY woman, but the repeatedly the same woman, who he wasn't interested in even when he was free and single! So IHAVE taken exception to him on this occasion - and her, due to her persistence - but then who knows what the groom-to-be is telling his bride-to-be's friend?!

OP posts:

badbaldingballerina123 · 15/08/2014 10:58

I'd be pissed off too , I'd feel he was being a bit disloyal spending a week with people who've treated me badly. Actually I think the friend has treated him pretty badly as well by attempting to sabotage him. I'm not in the camp for being a cool wife. If you feel a sense of dread I'd talk to him about it.

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