Separation - Would it be the right thing?

[YouCanDropTheAttitude]

I'm on the cusp of separating from my 'H' of 15 yrs. We have 2 DC 10, 6.

He's a decent guy, OK dad, not the worst husband. Never been any DV, but definitely EA - critical and controlling.

How do I know if it's the right thing to do? What if separating is a mistake?

Someone today asked me what 'a mistake' would look like, and I couldn't answer. Nothing I could think of was worse than staying like this.

I am very unhappy and feel we've outgrown each other. I have a good job and income, so don't feel I'd be worse off financially. We don't function as a couple, and have no sex life. He does nothing at home or with the kids and we don't share finances. I don't know what he earns. I operate like a lone parent already.

I really can't think what would be worse than what I've got, but its not just about me. My kids have a lovely, stable life.

What am I missing? What should I be considering? What mistake might I be making in considering this?

I feel like this at the moment.

DH does do stuff around the house and with the kids but only stuff he wants to. He behaves like an entitled eldest child a lot of the time, and a really critical manager for the rest.

I still love him and, when he is on form, we still get on and I can't imagine being with someone I'd get on with more. But God it's draining and I hate te example it's setting my children - who are 8 & 5.

I read a Robin William quote today. It said "I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. It's to end up surrounded by people who make you feel all alone."

It felt like a bit of a punch in the stomach.

My take on big life decisions is that it's not the mistakes you regret, it's the missed opportunities and wasted chances. If you make a conscious decision to split for reasons that seem compelling to you now, things may turn out great or rubbish. You have no way of knowing. If you make a conscious decision to stay and make the best of a bad job, ditto. But if you do nothing I guarantee that you'll be tormented by 'if only'.

If he's not a bad person and providing he's cooperative, I'm sure that between you you can turn a bad marriage into a good split. Maintain stability for the DCs etc.

That quote speaks to me too.

I don't love him like I did, I don't want him to touch me. He spends more time with his mum than he does with me and the children.

He behaves like he is superior to me and scolds me like he would a child.

It's awful.

We've been married for the same amount of years and have dc of a similar age.

I asked my DH to move out tonight.
He says he will look for his own place & has moved into the spare room.

We are both just very unhappy. We just got back from what should have been the holiday of a lifetime and it was miserable.
If you can't be happy in paradise when can you?
I spent most of the time crying and desperately lonely.

That Robin Williams quite is very apt to me also.

Unfortunately I don't earn too well and life is going to beach different for us.

On another note my 10 yr old is "relieved".

*be

I think you have answered your own question.

It's sad when children are affected by divorce, but it's sadder still when they grow up being taught how a relationship should work, by parents who dislike each other.

You sound strong, independent & more than capable. Believe in yourself.