advice please, dh torments me with his ocd.......

[coriandaseeds]

my dh has been sick since last Friday with the stomach bug that is everywhere just now.

he is slowly improving, and his condition is already manifesting itself.

he is checking everything is in it's "right " place.
he cleans day in and day out.
if I have a bath, within a few minutes he will call to say he has "cleaned the bath"
not a breadcrumb is allowed, or he sighs and clears it.
daily hovering, polishing, well you get the picture.

I just don't know what to do, now I have spent the last week, actually relaxing as he is either asleep of nodding off.

I feel stressed if we have visitors as the minute the meal is finished, he jumps up to clear away .
if we go away on holiday, he cleans/tidies the house to the extreme.
I have told him I can't stand it much longer, but he just says "everyone is different"

what can I do.

he is 66 and I am 63, apart from that we are happy together, but I feel as though I am a prisoner in my own home.

I have said, life isn't for housework, but he says that's the way he is.

well it's not the way he is, he was always "tidy",but not how he is now.

the last ,say, four years it has become obsessional.
I have told him straight out, but he simply poopoos it.

if he refuses treatment, and you want to stay in the relationship, it would be best for you to get counselling (perhaps privately if you are really struggling with coping just now).

you need to learn to allow him to obsess and not feel judged by it or affected by it. he is free to clean if he so wishes; he needs to stop talking to you about it, and you need to learn to ignore it and not take it personally.

if he is a tidier, let him tidy. don't let it stress you.
i suspect you may take it as a criticism that he tidies before you think to; but it isn't. it's a reflection of HIS problems not yours.

if he sighs about it and acts like a dick, ask him if he is trying to make you feel bad; if he is, tell him to stop, and pull him up on it every time. remind him that he's unreasonable and you won't be pulled into it. go out when he fusses, leave him to it. don't reward the fussing by giving in to it.

if he is not trying to make you feel bad but is sighing out of habit, learn to ignore it, let him sigh, who cares it's his choice not to get treatment.

Really think about the consequences of staying with someone who refuses to get treatment for MH problem when their behaviour impacts on your quality of life.

'he is 66 and I am 63, apart from that we are happy together, but I feel as though I am a prisoner in my own home'

This is what worries me. Why do you feel that way?

If he actually has proper OCD (but even if not, he does seem to have changed his behaviour in last few years to start getting obsessional. By the way, OCD is a complex thing and not just someone who loves cleaning, many OCD sufferers couldn't give a shit about cleaning) then the worst thing to do is pander to it and let it take over your life as well.

www.ocduk.org - great information on how to live with someone with this type of behaviour, and also on what is and isn't OCD, and what help is available.

But look to your own reactions to it. It shouldn't stop you doing anything you want to do. He wants to stay in cleaning, fine, let him. Get on with your life.

Did all this start when he retired? Could be he's a bit lost with what to do with himself/what his role is in life. Some men go a bit funny when they stop working, if their identity and activity was really tied into their profession.