follow my heart?

[confusedgal1]

Hi ladies I'm new here and this is my first post just really wanted to unload on some people that don't me and any advice will be greatly appreciated. I am female and 30 years old. I have two children from the same man we haven't been together for over 4 years now but have remained friends. I work as a model to support my children. I currently have my boyfriend of 7 months living with me. It wasn't my choice to have him live with me so soon I wasn't ready for it but the situation was forced due to him being made homeless very early in the relationship. I couldn't see him on the streets. I felt sorry for him I know he doesn't have many people in his life. He doesn't work and hasn't since he moved here he doesn't contribute anything financially. He does however help in the house. It makes me annoyed when I work and pay for everything and he makes out my work is nothing as its not even "hard graft" as he puts it. He says he has sleep problems an often sits up all night then sleeps during the day while I look after my children. My friends do not like that I am being mugged off. They want me to get rid asap. Despite this I do think he loves me in some kind of way. Recently I have met someone else that I like. I have liked this person from afar for over 10 years. I met them on Twitter I sent them a tweet not expecting a reply as I'm sure they have loads of offers from girls. He followed me back and we've spoken everyday since. He lives a very busy life and travels about a lot but likes to make sure I'm ok everyday. We have met up once he worked all night then drove from his second gig of the night to see me at 4am just to sit and talk to me and hold my hand. We were supposed to meet again but I cancelled as I felt guilty. I told him I want to sort my relationship out before we start meeting up again. He said he understands and says he will wait for me if my thoughts on him haven't changed. My thoughts on him haven't changed he's so sweet and says real romantic things he never turns the conversation sexual. He's been on my mind constant and since I've spoken to him I haven't had sex with my bf. I feel so torn right now. I don't want to hurt my current boyfriend but I really like this new person and don't want to miss out on an opportunity of true happiness if it's on offer for me. As well as hurting my current bf I know he has no where to go which makes it even harder as I don't want to be responsible for making another human being homeless. My heart is telling me to go for it but I feel incredibly guilty about causing another human being pain. Any advice would b amazing thank you ladies

The fact you are considering leaving your currently boyfriend I think means that he isn't really a long term prospect anyway. It isn't right that he is not supporting you either.

In your position I would be honest with your current boyfriend and tell him that you are finding the relationship a strain, that you are not happy paying for everything and that you don't see a future. don't mention the other man as this will only upset him and cause more arguments. Don't let him guilt you or make you feel that it is your fault, you haven't done anything wrong.

Depending on how reasonable he is as a person you could perhaps offer him 2 months or so to get on his feet? It would give him chance to find a job and a flat. If I were you I would also look up some charities locally and see if there is any sheltered accommodation/hostels for single men, there is in some areas. If he causes issues and you are forced to make him homeless before he has work and somewhere to move to you can at least make him aware of other possible options to find a place to stay. He has been sponging off you for a while now and he may react badly to being told he has to do something for himself, so be prepared for him to be very difficult.

Well firstly it was your choice to have him living with you. I have children and a boyfriend of 9 months. If he found himself homeless, my solution would not be for him to move in with me. It wouldn't even be an option. It was your choice to have him move in.

The reason I'm saying this is not to be unkind, but because the best way to take control of your life and make the decisions that are best for you, is to take ownership of decisions already made and recognise that you could have made different choices and that you can make different decisions going forward.

You're young, you're attractive, you're working and supporting yourself, you have children and your friends are right. I wouldn't want to see one of my friends in this situation either.

Tbh, you sound like what you feel towards your current boyfriend is a sense of obligation and a desire to not want to put a stray dog out onto the streets, but you don't owe him anything. Loves you in 'his own way'? Nah, not good enough for you.

Is this Twitter man the man for you? I don't know. I'm 9 years older than you and that seems like a world away from how I'd meet someone (but maybe that's just me getting old! ) but your current boyfriend doesn't deserve you and you do deserve better than someone who is up all night, sleeps all day, doesn't work whilst ridiculing your job ... Oh, and you would not be making him homeless. Just as you are responsible for decisions made in your life, he is responsible for his. He's hardly made an effort to secure his current position, has he? He's taking advantage of your good nature and is unlikely to change if you've only been together for 7 months. You are seeing him at his best at the moment!

I know what I'd do. That's all.

Good luck.

Just read overslepts post and, whilst I understand the reasoning, actually, I wouldnt' do the donkey work of looking for flats/hostels whatever for him. He sounds like a lazy bastard and you already do enough. If he makes a fuss about you ending things/'making' him homeless, suggest that he looks.

It seems that this man has done nothing to try to help himself in his recent/current plight. Whilst you so willingly support him then he is very unlikely to try to change his life in any way as he is having it easy by poncing off of you.
You have to toughen up now. Nobody likes to see someone on the streets and even worse if they feel responsible for that, but he is an adult and he has to take responsibility for his own life now.
You need to give him a date when you want him to leave by and you need to stick to it. He is not your child so you are not responsible for him in any way.
As to the other guy; I do think you need to let the dust settle a bit as you may feel a little sad to see your current bf leave your life. Just take things slowly. Think things through clearly. You care very deeply for the welfare of others which is admirable but it's time to put your own welfare and happiness at the top of the agenda.

Feeling sorry for this guy is why you're in such a mess. Ending a seven month relationship should be no big deal but he's tuned himself into a dependent. Makes it a little more difficult to get shot but not impossible. It's not going to hurt less by delaying.

Agreeing with the PP... be on your own for a while rather than clinging onto another seemingly nice candidate for your self-esteem. You're clearly a romantic but I think you need to take some time out to reset your judgement.

Please please in the future wait at least 7 months before you let a man you hardly know move in with you and your kids.

If you want your kids to see your relationship as an example of how a relationship should be then fine. If not get rid, he's lazy, has no life, nowhere to go. That is what you are showing your kids everyday.