Getting sick of a bossy friend WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[RoRoMummy]

I've had this friend since our DDs were babies, who has always been very organised about calling me to arrange get-togethers. I haven't always found our meet-ups relaxing or fun: she is rather bossy, opinionated and has a very thick skin. I never get chance to phone her: she always phones me first and promises her DD that they will come round to play. Recently our DDs have not been getting on so well, mainly because 'like mother like daughter'. I am 8 months pregnant and over the past few months she has been inviting herself and DD round to our house every other Friday afternoon. Her DD always trashes the house with toys, they don't help to tidy up and always outstay their welcome: arriving at about 2 ish and staying until 6 ish (only leaving because I start to cook our tea and don't offer to include them). Anyway: last Friday I was tired and couldn't face another visit, so I screened my calls and pretended to be out all afternoon. Had a lovely bit of 1 to 1 with my DD watching DVDs and cuddling on sofa. Anyway: my 'friend' called a total of 5 times wanting to know where I was (every half hour from 2 pm!). I bumped into her the following day shopping and she said she was 'really worried' about me (just because I wasn't in!) and demanded to know what I'd been up to. It's really wound me up: I am 36 for God's sake!!! I am due to have a c/s in 4 weeks time and she's now suggesting she visits me in hospital (NO WAY DO I WANT THAT!) and wants to come over with her DD ASAP to see newborn at home. To be honest I feel like either 'goung to ground' for the next few weeks or just never seeing her again... am I being unreasonable? What would you do? Sorry for length of post...

For a 'stalling' tactic, tell her that you are deliberately and consciously spending some one-to-one time with your dd before the baby is born, and that you frequently feel too tired for get-togethers, and/or that you are shopping for new baby / at ante-natal appts etc.

Tbh, she sounds desparate rather than bossy. If you duck out a few times, she will latch on to someone esle (hopefully!)

tell her you've got hospital appts for the next few Fridays and are so tired you can't handle visitors. Don't tell her baby is here till you are home and get Dh to screen calls and visits.

Thats if you want the friendship to decrease. Otherwise tell her that you value her support but are finding it hard being around people so much so could you leave it that you'll call when you're feeling less pregnant.

In your position, I would phone and say this.

'Hi x, I've been thinking about what you said earlier about being worried about me, because I wasn't around. That's really sweet, but with my C-sect imminent, I really don't feel up to too many days out, visits with people, so I will be lying low for a few weeks, just enjoying 1-2-1 with DD before the baby is born. I'll give you a ring when it all kicks off, and then after a few weeks when I've got my head around having another baby, maybe we could meet up.'

she sounds lonely - probably because she finds it hard to make friends for exactly these reasons! like the idea of buying some space by saying you want some one on one time with your dd. also - how about trying to regain some control - assuming you want the friendship (if you dont, then just keep saying no til she gets the message) - why not have her over on friday - invite her for three, and aks her to stay for tea and then have atidy up time altoghether before you eat. try to run the time in your way?

No you're not being unreasonable.

Sorry - DS just woke up so BBS.

Why don't you go to her house instead, then you can get away when you want, and let her clear the mess up!!!!

Does she know the date you're going in hospital??
If not, don't tell her, just say you're still waiting to hear.

At our local hospital, the only children allowed to visit are the children whose mums are in hospital, having babies.

You might appreciate her being able to do things for you once you're home.

Every time she comes round, ask her to hoover or wash up or clean, as you won't be able to do all of it.

If shes a good friend, then she'll do it, but she may get fed up and not come round as often!!!!

Anythings worth a try, but she should respect you and give you the space you need to be with the child you have, before the new arrival.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

When the baby is here, why not say that you are finding it frustrating being in the house so much and you would like to travel to her (also saving the trip). Then, enjoy being brought tea and biscuits and trashing her house.

If you want to loose her as a friend I think this second baby's arrival is an ideal time to sever ties without causing too much offense.

hth

Crayon

She sounds awful
I'd go mental if some woman and their kid were in my house for four hours.
Yup,go and trash her house a couple of times,and see how she likes it.
I think any longer than two hours visiting with kids is pushing it.

She sounds needy rather than bossy. I would say you have antenatal appointments for the next few fridays for an easy life.

Or, you could just be blunt with her and say you are exhausted (which you probably are), havent got the energy or inclination for visits, and you are fed up with people keep phoning to ask if you have had the baby yet. So, you'd like to spend some one to one time with DD to avoid jealousy/sibling rivalry issues.

But, and this is VERY important, say to her, that you appreciate her friendship, and hope you can rely on her when the baby is born to come round and help you out with the ironing, looking after DD (anything else you might need help with, whatever it is - make sure she understands you want her input).

I say this, because, quite frankly, when your 2nd is born - you will need help, and if you have someone who is so willing to come round as it stands, then make the most of it. You might see her in a different light afterwards...maybe?

Bossy people in one's house postnatally are absolutely a must, IMO and IME

Only they must be nice bossy people...

HM