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Relationships

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Original poster

Proposing to my girlfriend

32 replies

Wildee01 · 12/08/2014 16:50

So I want to propose to my girlfriend but i don't know how.. We're coming up for our 1 year anniversary and we haven't had the smoothest relationship and a fair bit has happened in the past year but I love her and I want to spend the rest of my with her and her son, I want a family and to be married to her. I'm pretty sure she'll say yes as we were engaged before but I was a idiot got scared and called it off

I just don't know how to do it, any help?

OP posts:

Ivehearditallnow · 12/08/2014 16:53

How were you 'an idiot'?

You don't seem sure and it's only been a year - maybe wait until you're both happy and it feels right?

Having to ask if it's a good idea doesn't fill me with confidence that it's what you want

Lacuna · 12/08/2014 16:56

You've been together for less than a year, it's not been 'smooth' and you've already called off an engagement once already?

I'd give it a couple more years. At least.

Original poster

Wildee01 · 12/08/2014 16:57

I called it off because I got scared so thats why I was an idiot because I do love her and she means everything to me.

It does feel right and we are both very happy.

I'm not asking if it's a good idea I asked for help on HOW to do it as i don't want to do it in a romantic way but I'm not that romantic

OP posts:

CrocsAreJustPlainUgly · 12/08/2014 17:01

I don't know why people are telling you to wait when you haven't asked for advice on whether you should propose or not. You've just asked for advice on how to propose to her.

If you love her and she loves you then I highly doubt it matters to her how you do it. Whether it's down on one knee in front of Jeremy Kyle or on the top of the Eiffel tower.

Maybe get her some flowers, do her her favourite dinner and then ask?

Lacuna · 12/08/2014 17:01

Well, ok...how do you think your gf would like to be proposed to?

Matildathecat · 12/08/2014 17:12

Are you talking about proposing in the sense of 'let's get engaged' but no real plans for marriage, or are you hoping to set the date and get planning for the wedding? I personally can't be doing with the former option.

As the others have said,a year is a very short time and you've been engaged once already. I would honestly leave it longer. Marriages are stable places not roller coasters. Why not take her somewhere lovely and just tell her very sincerely that you adore her and her dc? Then go about proving it to her and leave the proposal for a bit longer.

Original poster

Wildee01 · 12/08/2014 17:18

I'm talking I want her to be my wife, I want to come home to her knowing she's my wife that I have the rest of my life looking forward to with her by my sound and more children on the way.

As I said I'm NOT asking you whether I should wait a day or 10 years. I'm asking for ideas on how to propose so whether it's what you'd like or what your husband/fiance did for you. that's all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wildee01 · 12/08/2014 17:19

side* not sound

OP posts:

Matildathecat · 12/08/2014 17:26

Ok, think of a place she loves...a beach, lovely park, nice restaurant (less good as it isn't private), you get the drift. Then you just do it. Tell her very sincerely that she and her dc are your world and you'd be the happiest man alive if she would marry you. Your words, obviously.

I would hold on buying a ring because it such a personal choice and she might like to spend a day with you looking and trying them on. So another chance for a truly romantic and memorable day with a fantastic lunch or dinner to celebrate.

Good luck, let us know how you get on.

MisForMumNotMaid · 12/08/2014 17:26

DH proposed by writing it as my screen saver on my laptop when he was visiting one day. I kept seeing this message scrolling round and thought who on earths changed that. So I went over to my desk and there it was. He was in the room, with ring in pocket.

It was very sweet and still makes me smile.

I think that expressing all the reasons you would like to be together in writing is a good thing to do. To present her with all the reasons you think she's wonderful and would like to spend the rest of your lives together.

Do you need a new proposal or could you give her a sorry I've been a fool card complete with reasons you want to be together and wrapped ring (if you feel a ring is appropriate to your relationship).

DH and I got engaged three months after meeting and married after eight months. So a year is a long time in my eyes

Original poster

Wildee01 · 12/08/2014 17:36

Thank you all so much! They both sound fantastic idea's and I will think about all her favourite things and places :)

OP posts:

Pinkfrocks · 12/08/2014 18:52

It doesn't matter- honestly.
You could ask her when you are queueing up to pay the bill in Asda or having a slap up meal during a weekend in Paris.

You could refer back to when you broke off your engagement as a conversation starter, or you could whisk her to look at rings at shop in your local high st.

TBH the more contrived it is in my mind the less genuine it is.

BUT if you need help asking what does that say about your relationship? I'm sorry but it sounds slightly flakey given that you have only known her a year and got cold feet once in that time. How is she going to know you are sure this time? And are you sure- or are you thinking that by asking her and committing it will cement you to her so you can't change your mind again?

Make sure you are doing it because you really want to be with her forever and not as some way of showing yourself that you are a keeper likely to have another wobble.

Ivehearditallnow · 13/08/2014 14:08

TBH the more contrived it is in my mind the less genuine it is.

Asda or being 'whisked' to the High St is naff - sorry!

There's nothing wrong with romance - especially if you've got some making up to do. She needs to know you're serious this time.

Seb101 · 13/08/2014 14:29

I saw a proposal on Facebook. He had collected coke bottles with words on.; you know the ones with names on etc. So four coke bottles lined up saying 'will' 'you' marry' 'me'
Then line them up in fridge. Ask your partner to grab something from fridge for you. Then stand behind her with ring waiting!
Might not be everyone's style, but I thought it was different. And shows a lot of effort! Finding these specific coke bottles can't be easy!
Good luck

FolkGirl · 13/08/2014 14:48

It depends what her idea of 'romantic' is. Do you know?

I tend to agree that the more contrived it is, the less genuine it is.

Minus2seventy3 · 13/08/2014 14:54

When I "asked" DW (she knew it was coming), we were on a couples' Valentines trip to Amsterdam (a city of much more than the seedy red lights and cannabis). One thing is known for its it's diamond industry. So whilst all coupled up in a vault, I had a quick word with the staff, and as everyone else filtered out, the doors locked behind us and our they brought a selection of stones and settings and that was that... An hour or so later, he ring was on her finger. There may be stores here to do similar.

FolkGirl · 13/08/2014 15:00

Oh, and I came down from having a bath on evening and he called me outside. I did. complete with slippers, a bathrobe and towel on my head. He had put a trail of tea lights in a trail to the end of the garden, offered me a glass of wine and asked me.

It didn't work. The whole thing was wrong. But he did 'know' me.

FolkGirl · 13/08/2014 15:01

I meant the marriage didn't work. The proposal did. I quite liked it

MrsWones · 13/08/2014 15:52

' I want her to be my wife, I want to come home to her knowing she's my wife that I have the rest of my life looking forward to with her by my sound and more children on the way. '

I knew my proposal from my DH was coming (we'd picked the ring) but it was on my favourite childhood beach and he was on one knee. I think that somewhere that means a lot to her or to you both would be lovely.

Also, what you have written in you post, is lovely. It makes it a marriage proposal and not an engagement. Maybe saying something similar?

And DH and I had only been together a few months when he proposed and we are very very happy.
Good luck

Ivehearditallnow · 13/08/2014 17:31

Find the view that a romantic proposal is less genuine a bit - each to their own I guess! x

kaykayblue · 13/08/2014 17:38

I liked the fact that my partner waited until we had been together for three years, we had travelled together, and we both knew that we had a solid, secure and trusting relationship - before proposing.

He proposed in a way which he knew I would love, but many other women probably wouldn't like.

Just don't do whatever you did the first time round as that's been and done.

And don't be surprised if she doesn't say yes, considering you already called it off once.

Maybe just talk to her about it and ask how she is feeling about marriage, and would she still be keen?

FolkGirl · 13/08/2014 19:12

Ivehearditallnow it's not that a 'romantic' proposal is less genuine. But a contrived and cliched 'romantic proposal' would feel less genuine to me. More about ticking boxes and being able to tell people what a great proposal it was than being an intimate moment between two people.

Ivehearditallnow · 14/08/2014 10:09

Yeah Folk I see what you mean! Sorry - I just had a very romantic but (trust me) a very genuine proposal so I'm a bit sensitive about this subject haha!

I think if my DP broke it off though - I'd be wanting some kind of assurance that this was different though. Not in terms of location etc but definitely some well chosen words! x

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 14/08/2014 10:29

You could buy a cheap, glittery ring from Claire's accessories or similar if you want to make the gesture with a ring in a box.

How about chocolates or a pizza with topping that spell out a proposal? My lovely DH proposed with my favourite ice cream in the park!

Lovingfreedom · 14/08/2014 10:32

You proposed before this year and broke it off? I think your challenge here is to come across as being serious this time.

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