Is It Over?

[lovemybaba]

I'll try and make this as short as possible.
For while now our marriage has been very up and down. But over the past few months it's been very down. A week ago in an arguement on the phone DH said "anyway, I'm not even calling you my wife anymore. I've had enough of this marriage anyway"!
I was really hurt and ever since I haven't spoken to him and I haven't cooked any dinner for him either.
He does this all too often and just expects me to just forget about it and act like everything is normal. Well not this time. He asked me the other day "isn't there any dinner"
I mean FFS have I got doormat written on my head!

And on top of all this there has been a certain female that he was always on the phone with (ran up phone bill at one point cuz was speaking to her so much). About 3 months ago noticed her no. on my bill and was really angry. Ended up with me calling her! Anyway they both said nothing going on but I told dh I wanted it to stop.

Anyway - found out that she & Dh still calling each other - Every f*ing day!

OK, so he might not be sleeping with her but I believe that there is some king of attachment there, or is it just me!

The thing is, I love this man to peices, but all he does is hurt me and expect me to just get on with it! He never apologises for ANYTHING!

DS is 11 months old. Don't help out with him.

Anyway gotto go, someone at the door.

But what would U do??

Hiya honey

Sorry your having to go through this, I cant tell you what to do but I can tell you what i did when i was in a similar situation, my ex-p was often up in the night speaking to "another woman" he swore it was nothing but obviously i became very suspicious. He would often tell me "no one else would want you with a child your lucky to have me" never said sorry when he was in the wrong and I became so unphappy. I up and left, with my ds and I am now with a wonderful man (even though no one would want me cos i have a child) And i look back and Im angry with myself for putting up with it for so long!

I hope you can reach a decision but imho i wouldnt put up with behaviour like that for long x x

hth

Julie x x

Thanks babe.

The thing is, I have put up with his childish behaviour for so long. The thing is it only really came to light once i'd had ds. He still expected me to pick up after him and I just thought ffs, i can't pick up after U and the baby! He expects me wo be his bloody maid!
God forbid if I was to sit on my mobile talking to another bloke all the time!

The thing is, even though this other chick knows I don't like the idea of her calling she still does it and he still calls her. So what does this say? Don't worry about how the wife feels as it's not important!!!!

He has blatantly shown me that he loves me no more. I think I've stuck around becuase of DS and part of me wants it to work out.

But I am so unhappy at the moment. He hardly spends any time with us at the moment, so what's it gonna be like when I go back to work full time next month!!!

Have you considered counselling?

The worrying bit is that he is prepared to put your marriage on the line. As a sort of ultimatum i.e. get off my back I'm sick of this marriage anyway.

You sound very angry at the moment, which you have every right to be, but no one ever said marriage is easy, it is a partnership that you have to work at everyday, like a business, if you don't work at it, it will go belly up.

Best of luck and I hope you can sort this out.

Really sad for you lovemybaba I know you want this to work but he needs to want it too. Can you talk to him without arguing? He's really out of line IMO. He shouldn't be calling this woman or treating you like shit.

So, what are his good points? Does he have any? Maybe you need to make a list of pros and cons and seeing it in black and white may make it clearer for you?

Thanks Mum2 & Ulysees,

It's a though he knows how I feel about him and tries to use this against me. He can be a bit of a bully as well and will intimidate me if he is loosing an arguement.

I think counselling would be a good Idea, BUT the problem is I don't think that he would see a counsellor (will try though).

Yes a marriage is a partnership and we do have to work at it. But what if there is only one of you working at it whilst the other just reaps the benefits?? Is that fair? Or is it that this man had fallen out of love with me a long time ago and it's just taken me a long time to realise it

Hi

I'm in a similar situation where I think my DH has fallen out of love with me and we're together because we're married rather than together because we want to be. Like your DH, mine does not do a single thing in the house, e.g he last emptied the bin on Christmas Eve and last cut the lawn last summer. I think both of us need to stop doing everything for our DH's, I do it because I love him and want to make his life as easy as possible but we're not getting anything in return - they're just take, take, take.

So, instead of cooking dinner tonight, I'm going to have a long soak in the bath with a glass of wine, I'm not going to make his lunch for work tomorrow nor am I going to initiate us going to bed at "bedtime".

I'm going to talk to my DH and give him chance to mend his ways but if he doesn't then I'm not sticking around, life's too short.