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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ExH is driving me crazy.

11 replies

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 18/09/2006 09:33

Hes not being aggressive or difficult or in any way neglectful of child care arrangements so really I am very lucky, but he is driving me crazy.

This mornign for example, he arrives to take DS1 to school (hes on nights so its his only opportunity to see the kids today) and he comes upstairs to wake me up - that in its self is a dangerous move, I am not a morning person

But he will stand in the bedroom and slowly look around it, taking in whether anything has moved, or is new (ie belonging to someone other than him!) looking for signs that ive had another man in there (of course I have im not a nun!) Also, if hes around and im on the phone he will loiter in the door way and listen and I have to ask him what he wants, the reply is always "nothing...I'll leave you in peace if you are having a private call..." (well yes I am, my social life is nothing to do with you...)

Or if im going out, its always "where are you going?" "when will you be back?" "Who are you going with?"

And phone calls to "see how I am" or "how your day has been"

I am probably being mean, but its doing my head in!!! He doesnt know that I date, although we have been apart for 4 months now and imo I am an adult and single and can see whom ever I like. (We havent started divorce things yet and I dont want to risk things going nasty this early on - which they might if he knew i was dating iyswim)

OP posts:
curiosity · 18/09/2006 09:35

How did he get in?

Maybe you need to change your locks.

hunkermunker · 18/09/2006 09:35

Be up before he comes over, so he won't come into the bedroom.

Don't use the phone when he's in the house.

Put up with him ringing to see how you are - you don't want things to turn nasty, as you say.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 18/09/2006 09:37

He gets in because he has a key - which is fine. When he has the kids for 4 days I sometimes go away and he needs access to the house to get stuff for then etc (also its half his house) And its easier for times like this morning when he comes straight from work (7am) because I dont have to get up and let him in! He can leave me and DS2 asleep and just get DS1 ready.

If I dont want him to be able to get in I just leave my keys in the door. But hes pretty good - he always sticks to the times we have decided and has only once come round unexpectidly.

OP posts:
mumblechum · 18/09/2006 11:12

That would definitely do my head in & I'd stop him just coming into the house. Fair enough, his name's on the deeds but he has to respect your privacy. I think you need to have a firm word!

Beetroot · 18/09/2006 11:15

he comes in to your bedroom?

Just ask him politely not to do that!

Or next time leave some boxers ont he floor

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 18/09/2006 11:25

I think he is still getting used to the new boundaries iyswim

He has it in his head that we will be back together by Christmas....

He gets this little pathetic puppy dog look that makes me want to just kick him (I am a bitch like that!)

OP posts:
LadyTophamHatt · 18/09/2006 11:29

can you not just be out of bed before he arrives???

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 18/09/2006 14:11

Get up before 7am Umm not if I can find anyway around it!

Hes alright really, was just annoyed this morning of him looking for 'evidence'

OP posts:
Earlybird · 18/09/2006 14:18

Did he need to wake you up for some reason?

Twinkie1 · 18/09/2006 14:22

Think this is your fault really - you need to give the puppy dog boundaries and not let him into your private space - in that respect you can see why he thinks you could perhaps get back together!

curiosity · 18/09/2006 17:02

Take the keys off him and get up.

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