end of marriage, feel my life dissappeared

[confusedNC]

How do you do this?

I worked temp part time but mostly sahm I guess. Ea ex told me (when asked) all over 4 weeks ago. I went away to parents to get support and I'm still here.

He's in house. Pretty sure got someone else. Seeing ds every other weekend. Feel like he's sorted and my life just stopped.

He's there with my stuff in place I made home. I'm living out suitcases wondering what to do, feeling guilty about ds. I just feel like I've had all the fight kicked out of me.

Solicitors have all been shit so far. Just asking me if I'm staying in this area or not. I can't answer as I don't have a clue what to do yet.I had job interview recently which I put my all into and I've just crashed since. Haven't heard result but not even sure how to take job if get it,as I've nowhere to live as ex isn't leaving.

I feel like I'm grieving for the man I thought I had.I really wanted to be married. I feel a failure. I see what friends have and wonder why not me.

Do I need pills? Can't stop crying. I'm just so tired. Parents are away on their holidays so I'm alone with ds. If it wasn't for him I'd just curl up in a ball. God this is so self pitying I should just delete it.sorry. I'm pathetic

Big hugs op. It's still very early days but one day it will be ok.

Sounds like you're normal, not pathetic to me. This bit is horrible but it will pass. You just have to go through it.

Have you started to think about practicalities yet? Does your ds have to go back to school in Sept and is that possible from your parents' house? Try contacting Citizens Advice and also go online to register for jobseekers allowance. They have lone parent advisors who might be able to help you too.

Try to focus on getting the day to day sorted as that will help you feel more in control. The worst bit is over now - you've left and that's the hardest part. Every day from now on brings you a tiny step closer to your new life. You absolutely can do this and things really will be ok. Just keep your expectations of yourself low - just one phonecall a day will make a huge difference over two weeks, you don't have to solve everything immediately.

I can't picture my new life. I want the one I thought I had. I miss my home, my things, my friends, the normal every day things I did. I have no idea what to do.

My life isn't here 100s miles away but if I don't get the job, not sure how I can go back?

I'm just as heartbroken today as 4 weeks ago. I don't miss him, the nasty him. It's the hope of the person I once had. Finding it so hard to let go. Accept he just didn't love me. Not sure any man has.

I do need to go to citizens advice. Tried on phone but said had to go in person. The nearest town with one here, is one I don't know and I've no help with ds at the moment.

Thanks for replying.

I know, it aches in the pit of your stomach, doesn't it. But this really is the hardest time. I can't tell you it will get better quickly because it will take time but it does get easier.

You need to make some choices for you now. Where do you want to live? I relocated to be near friends and family as I knew I would have to work full time so my priority was making sure I had back up for emergencies. Then I registered with jobseekers and started looking for work. Once I'd got a job I started to sort out housing. Once you get the ball rolling every next step becomes a little easier to identify and work out.

Persevere with citizens advice, but also get online, look at the benefits calculators, phone the helpline numbers etc. I found the people to be very helpful and even if I hadn't phoned the right person, they soon pointed me in the right direction. Once I started to get things together, it wasn't half as scary as I thought it would be and it only took a couple of weeks before I was much more organised.

You can do this. The system is there because sometimes people need help, and for that very reason, it's designed to be helpful to those people who genuinely need and deserve help.

I can't help you 'do' the practicalities but if you think I can help any more, feel free to pm me.

You will be okay. This is temporary. Your future is not this - this is just the bit you need to get through first.

I would get back into my own house if I were you? I have been left (so know exactly how heartbreaking it is) but have heard from friends of mine in your position that they regretted leaving their home.

Why has he got the house and you and the hold have moved out?

*child

Even if the house is rented/being bought in his name only, you are married and therefore he can't just throw you out with nothing. Also, he doesn't get to keep your belongings (unless this is a case of leaving your stuff in the house because you nave no space to store it at present).

I would go back to your house and start divorce proceedings immediately to force the financial side

This is ridiculous that you think you are barred from there. I expect he is entertaining OW in your bed.

Get fucking angry and get back there

He has OW in YOUR house and you get "access". Fuck off!!!

Get angry. Get very angry. You are being royally fucked over.

He'll be turning your DS against you. How old is DS?

Move back in. Do not ask. Turn up. Preferably when he is out. Move back into your bedroom. Chuck his stuff in the spare room. Tell him to move out if he doesn't want to live with you. His choice. His loss. Not yours.

Change solicitors.

You need someone who is going to fight for you. They can (I believe) force a sale of the family home, which would give you the finances to buy somewhere smaller, or at least to rent for a while, or whatnot.

He hasn't thrown me out. He wanted to move in spare room and us carry on as before. I only went cos family came and talked me into going back with them, as I've been ill through stress. Then husband got very aggressive. Sent me divorce petition and awful solicitors letter a week after I left. Was harassing me with phone calls and texts. Couldn't understand why I was upset as I should've known it was over anyway (was actually angry) with me.

Anyway, his bullying behaviour convinced me I couldn't go back initially. I've been preparing for job interview which was last week. I knew I wouldn't be able to prepare if I went back as I'd be in even worse state than I am.

Can't make decisions until know about job. Probably haven't got it or I'd probably know by now.

Haven't managed to get solicitor yet. Just spoken to few with free hour. They all say same. I need to decide which area going to live in before I can get solicitor. And I don't know yet.

My impression so far is that none of them give a shit tho.

Sorry if think drip feeding but bit mixed up and emotional.

I can't force him to leave I don't think.