has anyone done the freedom programme? did it help?

[everforever]

I fleed an abusive relationship a few months ago. I'm currently in a refuge.

I have got the freedom programme starting very soon. I've heard very bad things about the course off other woman. Its apparently hard and most have dropped out

I've never spoke to anyone who has completed the course.

So I was wondering has anyone finished it? Does it help? I'm scared of trusting any men as I've had 2abusive relationships one after the other.

I'm dreading it starting with comments I've heard. But know I need to do it. For my sake and my DC sake.

However difficult it might be the Freedom Programme can't be any more difficult than living with an abusive partner - can it?

I loved it. It was hard but cathartic and empowering.

Hearing and reliving difficult concepts, and how you yourself have contributed to them, can be "hard" but essential in your situation I would say

I personally didn't find it helpful, but I think I am in the minority. I have done a lot of reading on abusive relationships (and on this board) and 4 weeks in hadn't learned anything new. Also, there were a couple of people on the course who took up all the air in the room, and no-one else really got a look-in! .

If you want to gain confidence and feel free and understand why u ended up in such a relationship , then it is utterly essential !!! I did it and it saved my and my children's lives xxxx

Can anyone do it ?? I wanna do it

It was very hard for me because I realised that I'd been abused in ways I hadn't previously. It was also hard coming to terms with the effect the dv had had on my children. However I don't regret for one minute, and recommend it to anyone who has experienced dv.

It definitely helped me come to terms with the abuse, what lead me to end up in that situation and gave me more confidence in my hope of never getting myself, or worse my children, into it again.

I am doing it for the fourth time. It has changed how I think about my ex and allowed me to see that it wasn't my fault, it really was him. That he was so boringly predictable in his abusiveness. That I was not 'wrong' to get my children away from their father. Some of those things are so hard to accept and believe, and meeting with a group of similar women once a week who 'get' abusiveness is a lifeline, as I am surrounded by a family that unconsciously set met up for my ex, and who unwittingly work against me believing I matter. So it has been a lifeline. Yes, at times it's hard, but everyone there is in the same boat, and that helps.

You can do it online, gg

I thought I was only being emotionally abused until I went into a refuge and was told I was suffering all types of abuse. I know that sounds silly but I never even knew I was being emotionally abused until I posted on MN 2years ago asking for advice on how to get NY exp to agree to let me do something and the replies made me realise he was abusive.

It can't be harder then living with exp and the change in DC over the last few months since leaving him and taking DC to a refuge has amazed me. We have all come on so much in the short time we have been away. I'm surprised I got a place on this course as they were expecting to get me on the next one through waiting lists but they pushed my referral through. I'm so scared of starting it but know it can and should help me. I'm dreading to hear how it effected DC. I thought dc1 never knew but DC does and the stuff DC comes out with now makes me realise how much DC actually saw and heard. Dc2 is only a baby so hopefully DC2 is not as effected as dc1.

readyisknitting that is one reason I know I need to do it. So it gives me confidence not to get my DC and myself into another relationship like I've had. I've lived through abuse all my life. I am the 4th generation to end up in an abusive relationship. I really don't want the "family way" to carry onto my DC.

Thanks for all of the replies.

Good luck with it x

I did it online - am sure not as good as in person but I found it invaluable. Have also done a lot of reading both here and books. Has changed my whole outlook about relationships. I think if ever I meet someone new I will be a different person and am aware of all the warning signs. I think primarily though it has given me confidence in myself - something I didn't ever have.

It is free here

www.onespace.org.uk/elearning/courses/freedom-programme

Children are affected by awful things they see and witness every day. Yours will not be the first, nor will they be the last. It might be hard to hear about the effects on them but by knowing what they are you can help them to heal, as well as yourself. Try not to be scared but to see it as an empowering tool, taking the power away from your ex and back to you to be able to help and heal them. It sounds like they're both young so in time they probably won't even remember the bad things.

I have not done the course personally but everything I have read about it, materials etc, and through other ways (mumsnet!) my experience of changing my outlook on relationships, it's absolutely life changing and really, really worthwhile. Once you change your perspective, it's not only your feelings about this relationship it helps but future relationships will be healthier, your self confidence will be higher, family/friend relationships, work, parenting, it all has a knock on effect.

When do you start?

You can do it online , it's fascinating !

I found out brilliant. Did it in the aftermath of escaping my ex but still being controlled in some way by him die to Hague convention issues.

My head was all over the place and it really helped me see what was/wasn't acceptable behaviour in a relationship and help me see the wood from the trees.

Have a very finely tuned radar for red flags and shitty male behaviour now and am quite forthright if friends are going through similar.

I start in a few weeks. I don't want to say exact time in case it outs me.

The DC are nearly 2 and 6. I don't think dc2 remembers much but is scared of loud noises which is getting better now.

Dc1 has been effected loads and at times DC tries to control me like exp did. DC is getting help from victims support and the refuge staff to overcome it.

I'm also starting a confidence course as I have had 2 dv relationships and professionals are concerned I will be extremely vulnerable when i leave the refuge but hopefully with the freedom programme and confidence course I should be OK. Well I hope I will anyways.

My head is all over the place at the moment even though its been quite a few months I left exp. I keep doubting myself that I actually suffered dv as it was mainly emotional and financial and sexual. He very rarely hit me. He never left a mark on me.

Then he accuses me of being the abusive one so I look at my behaviour and think "did I control him?" But looking back I can't see how I did. He stopped contact with his friends not me. I never stopped him going out. He went to the gym 7times a week and went anywhere he wanted, bought anything he wanted and did anything he wanted. Basically the opposite to what I had to do. I never even shouted at him.

So overall I know the freedom programme will be good for me and I know it will benefit DC.

The way I saw it was that we get brainwashed into an abusive relationship, so the FP is one of the parts we can do to brainwash us back out.

I did it in conjunction with group therapy, and individual therapy. I read How Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft as well.

I was determined never to allow that to happen to me again.

I saw it as an insurance policy :)

The FP is tough in places, but not necessarily in the same place for everyone.

Do it. You won't regret it. It's not a magic bullet, but a good start.