Miserable

[StarsforAngels]

This is not really a relationship problem as such but there are issues affecting our relationship and I am really not sure what to do.

I have a lovely DH however I am really not happy with our living situation. We moved up North at the beginning of this year from London. We couldn't really afford to anything bigger down south from our small flat so decided to make the move here and get somewhere with a garden/ a bit bigger for DS to run around and to be able to afford to live.

I love our house and the area however I miss my friends and my sister down south. It is really taring me apart being far away from them. I am currently a SAHM whilst my husband works. He refuses to consider a commute which I guess is understandable as he is earning all the money at the moment.

I would love to move back down south but obviously its not really a possibility. I go to mothers groups and generally try to be really sociable but I guess my heart is just not in it and it probably shows.

It is really getting me down and causing arguments between me and DH which is not good.

Can anyone tell me it gets better after they have moved - if so how long did it take you to feel settled?

We have only been here 6 months.

I think as well the issue is a bit deeper as well. I was only in London for work (am originally from South - small village area) I really wanted to to move back after pregnancy but for various reasons (my Husband really was not keen and don't blame him as he did not know anyone there) we chose to move to where we are now.

I guess I just feel a bit isolated and the 'odd one out' - he has family all close and my parents live 4 hours away.

I do make effort though to meet people. Maybe I am just going through the homesickness phase??

I know how you feel. We moved from London to Wales 2 years ago and I'm still struggling.

My son has a lovely life, we're by the sea, lots of nice parks and he gets to see his grandparents a lot. Which is lovely and he is happy.

My husband works in London and stays there three nights a week. He sees his friends and socialises (nothing wrong with this - I would do the same!)

And I'm stuck here. I have no friends. No one to pop into to say hello. I know a few people to have a chat too but no real friendships.

So no advice, I can't say it gets better as I've been telling myself that for 2 years. But, I know how you feel and it sucks.

I reckon it takes about 2 years to feel settled in a place. It's very hard going at first, and you have to make a lot of effort to meet new people and set up a new life for yourself.

But, part of your issue is the fact that you don't really want to be there at all. Were you really part of the decision to move there or did your DH basically dictate what would happen?

No I can honestly say he did not dictate. It was me that was pushing more than him. I was getting fed up of London life and as DH was not keen on commuting he was able to move offices hence one of the reasons we are where we are. I have given up work to care for DS and that is probably not helping. I want to work but got badly bullied at my last job so my confidence is pretty low. I just feel permanently out of my comfort zone. Wht gets me down is whilst on London I kept in contact with many of my friends from where I grew up as friends are important to me. He didn't and now we are back in his home town he never goes out or makes effort to reconnect and here I am missing my mates I can't help but be a bit resentful of that even though I know he is tired and I should not take it out on him. I am just finding it difficult as I feel quite cooped up with him and feel I would be happier nearer my old friends. At the end of the day though it is not his fault for this And he is a lovely husband. Think I need to get myself a job!

Where are you in the North? there may be others on here who live locally and like to meet up.

I live 13 miles away from my family - a measley 1/2 hours drive and sometimes I feel isolated (no just popping in for a chat etc) so I can in some small way imagine how hard this is for you. for me - long phone calls and about 20 messages a day to my sister help.

I've never been that close to anyone in my family. I would have liked to be but my mum doesn't really want to know or at least that's what it feels like. I get out to mothers groups when I can- think I just need to man up!

Are you likely to return to work at some point? That would be an obvious place to start building relationships on your own account. We are hoping to move up too, just need the right jobs to materialise. If/ when we do we have dhs old school friends around who are mostly family men whose wives I have met but will be working too. Would your SE friends visit for a weekend (not expensive on the train if you book well in advance)

I moved from the USA with my ex H to this country-straight to Wales.
Without going into details, this was the beginning of the end of our marriage. To say I was completeley lost, miserable, sad and lost is an understatement.
The lifestyle is one I would never want to experience again- EVER.
The people are fairly good- but that's it!