20 weeks and boyfriend going away

[0203]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant. My pregnancy was unplanned. Before we found out, my boyfriend booked a month long trip to South America as a break between ending one job and starting another. I think independent experience is important and so when we initially found out about the pregnancy and he said he was no longer so sure about his trip I said I would be fine and it would be good for him to go.

He leaves in a week. Clearly this is my first pregnancy as I was wholly unprepared for how I now feel. I’m worried something will happen either to the baby or to me and he will not be here to support us. I’m upset he’s not going to be here to help me through any difficulties I might have and to share in some of the exciting things that might happen over the next month. Selfishly, I’m upset that whilst I’m exhausting myself preparing (both physically and otherwise) for the arrival of our baby – he’ll be on a beach with 20-something backpackers – about as far away from preparing to have a family as you can get. And, I’m irrationally worried that after 4 weeks of this he won’t want to come back to a grumpy, stressed woman and our impending screaming baby.

In contrast, I think it’s good and important for him to have a break and some time away before the baby is born. His job is stressful and as the pregnancy wasn't planned there has been a lot to adjust to.

I don’t want to mention this to him because I don’t want him to feel guilty for going away and I don't want to be un-supportive and for it to seem as though I'm overlooking his needs. Similarly, I know it’s not good if I suppress my upsets and concerns. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Why don't you plan lots of treats for yourself whilst he's away? Massages, shopping trips and all that jazz. Let him go and he'll be back in a flash. Babies are 18 years of commitment so let him have this one and look after yourself.

I've never been in this situation, but the worst thing you can do is say nothing and secretly resent him for it.

Perhaps one option might be to say "I know I said at the beginning that everything would be fine and you should go, but now I'm actually feeling the pregnancy and things, I'm beginning to get nervous about having to go this alone for a full month without your support. Is there any way that we could compromise? Could you go for a fortnight instead of a full month? That way you still get your break and holiday, but I only have to go it alone for a shorter period of time".

Have long have you two been together?

Has your pregnancy been routine so far? If so I would let him go. You won't be at the lumpen knackered stage for a while so let him get the travel out of his system and get back in time for the difficult bit!

I would definitely talk about your fears and concerns before he goes though, just so you're on the same page.

Will you have had your 20-week anomaly scan before he goes? I'd want that one out of the way first. Otherwise... hmm. It's not too bad a time for him to pick, not like, say, 37 weeks.

Are you having any time off while he is away or just the general hum drum and grind of daily life and the commute while pregnant ?

Plan a solo babymoon if funds permit, or can you join him for a couple of weeks {or too much trekking?}

DS's dad had to go to Australia for 6 weeks training when I was pregnant. I couldn't go as I would have been approx 38 weeks when he got back.

Unfortunately DS decided to put in an appearance at 37 weeks and his dad only got as far back as China before DS was born

You will have 10 weeks or more before baby is due if all goes well when he gets back so the majority of the preparation can be done then.

Relax, make the most of the weeks while he is away and use it as an excuse to make him your slave until the end of the pregnancy

No I havent but I was in hosp having an abortion when my ex planned a stoners trip to 'Dam.
However, he was in the fking hospital with me..... I think its slightly different!
I never ever got over that, so if you are being resentful, be careful and perhaps use the time to do some self counselling so that you dont throw it in his face when you have a small baby and are knackered. If youve said its ok, approach the fact youre not feeling so ok but then move on and make loads of plans even if its box sets youre just going to chill in front of.

I totally understand, but I do think youre probably gonna have to let him have this one..... And also, what about his resentment if he didnt go?

Congrats op, seeing as this is your first baby it's normal to feel a little irrational. I think it's fine if he goes away, he'll be back before you know it and you can get some time alone to pamper yourself as well.
Just put it into perspective, if it was a work commitment would you have an issue?