Calling all stories of finding love again....a little hope required ?????

[lotf]

I was dumped 18 months ago by my fiance 6 months before our wedding and this morning really needed to feel some hope of having a second chance.

I'm 37 now, so no spring chicken and felt like I'd waited my whole life to find Mr Right and found him.

Has anyone here deeply loved someone, felt like they had found the perfect person, lost them and then found happiness again with someone else?

I know you can be happy alone, I have been, and have dated a lot but no one has made me feel the way he did. Like I was "home", like there was no doubt at all that I wanted to be with this person forever.

I hear you can love that way more than once in a lifetime but was wondering if it's not always just second best or settling. I so badly want kids and a family. It was all I ever wanted.

When you do love again, can it feel the same? Just as happy? Just as "right"?

I am scared sometimes that the rest of my life will just be a little bit sad.

I can't speak firsthand, but there are several 2d marriages in my surroundings where both members of the couple are clearly blissed out, happy, and committed to each other. Some are widows/widowers who were very much in love with their first partners. So love twice in a lifetime can definitely happen, and if you are with someone even the second time around who you share love, understanding, and commitment with, then no way can that be "settling".

If you haven't found that yet with someone, it's fine, not a sign that you are doomed, just that things haven't worked out yet. Keep doing things that make you happy on your own. (I know it's lonely and tough a lot of the time, though.)

You also say that all you ever wanted was children and a family. If having children is so important to you, would you consider having DC on your own? The "total package" of Mr Right + kids is your dream, but which of the two is most important to you? Is it finding a partner, or having children, that is your priority?

If you think that you will be unhappy if you never have children, then maybe seek ways to do that on your own.

Or if you can't imagine yourself raising children alone, and instead it's the companionship of a partner that you share a real connection with that you seek, then keep holding out for that.

I hadn't been married before, but I got together with the love of my life when I was 37 and we got married just before my 38th birthday. I'd been in love in the past - thought I'd found "the one" in my twenties and was devastated when we broke up. I'd even started getting used to the idea of being single forever and thinking it might not be that terrible. But then I met my hubby and he's wonderful! He already has 3 kids and would be happy to have more if that's what I want, but I've decided not to for various reasons, including financial ones. I know plenty of people my age (39) and several years older who are just starting to have children now though.

I'm sure you'll find someone lotf - lots of people find love later in life than others.

Forgot to mention - we are really, really happy! Not only have I gained an amazing husband, but I also have some gorgeous stepsons that love me just as much as I love them and a lovely mother-in-law.

You'll be happy again some day too!

Nothing helpful to add but I feel the same as you OP. I truly loved my husband (he left for someone else at the start of the year) and truly hope I can find 'true love' again.

I know of others that are really happy in second marriages and hope it will be like that for me

Posted too soon!

Hope it will be like that for me one day - and you too x

I really loved my ex partner. I was with him 11 years when I found out he'd been cheating on me for years. I was devastated and threw him out and a couple of weeks later a work friend I'd never been out with made me go out for a drink with them to cheer me in up a place I'd never been to and I met my wonderful husband..

The timing wasn't ideal as I wasn't really over the trauma of the ex when I met him and we had a tricky first year or two (my fault) but six years later we're happy as larry - we got married last year and have a fantastic life..

You never know when or where you'll meet someone who can be wonderful for you and change your life for the better..

Weird first paragraph phrasing but you get the gist

And that story led to my username! After all the heartache to finally feel happy and at peace again was wonderful... It will happen for you x

Those stories are all really good to hear. I just still feel like no one measures up and was really worried about never finding it again. I know not everyone finds what I found even once so want to cling onto the hope of twice.

Goats, I had a long think after seeing your post this afternoon and while it is something I would love to do I really would prefer to do it as a family and I feel having a baby now would make it much more difficult to meet Mr Right. How would I date, not every man would want to take on a baby etc. I would also be worried about coping financially as I've not family around to help with babycare or anything.

I just one day want to feel the way I used to feel. He really was my world :(

Thing is lotf, it's easy to idealise a relationship, especially one so serious, you think you've got your life sorted out and that's it forever. I believed that about my 16 year relationship with XH, until I discovered he'd been having an affair, he left, and it was all blown out of the water. I couldn't imagine loving or trusting anyone else as much as him, ever.

But a couple of years later I was well and truly back on my feet and feeling happy with myself and the life that I'd created without him. With hindsight I could clearly see all the things that weren't right in our relationship and why we weren't really that good a match for each other. I was thankful that he'd had the courage to end it (ironically in such a cowardly way ) and felt ready to move on. I was also determined not to end up like a family member of mine who never did, more than a decade after her divorce - despite him cheating on her, she said that her XH had been THE love of her life and nobody else would ever come close. Which I find incredibly sad, life really is too short to be pining after someone who treated you shoddily.

Anyway, to get to the point, I met someone new around that time and have been with him for a year and a half. If anything, I love and trust him more than I ever did XH and although I'm now generally more cynical about relationships, I can honestly say I'm happier, more comfortable and more myself in this one than I ever have been and feel luckier than I deserve. So to answer your question, you can love like that again, and no it's not the same, thank goodness, it's better. You might not be quite ready yet, 18 months is not long after having such a hurtful thing happen to you, but you'll probably find yourself feeling quite different in just a few months. You're still young, you deserve to be happy again, go out and make it happen!