I am feeling a complete mess emotionally. I would be interested to know coping strategies used by others after times of great change. I am 38 years old.
Over the last five years my life has had quite a few changes. My father died at quite a young age, and after being with my ex husband for nearly 14 years, I decided enough was enough (he had become very much like my brother and I had been unhappy deep down for a long time and did not love him as a husband), I initiated a separation. We have a daughter who is now 15. It wasn't an easy split as my ex didn't want it. I rented but it took a long time to sell our house and financially, it has been far from easy for me. My ex struck a hard deal and basically refused to agree to the sale of the house unless he got his own way. I wanted out as soon as possible, the rented house I was in was awful and so I fought for less financially.
A few months after we split up I dated a man casually but it didn't work out. He ended up moving away and we have remained in contact by email, etc.
I have since then become involved in a relationship with another lovely man who I was introduced to through family members. He is quite a bit older than me and was married for some time but then divorced. His divorce was also not particularly amicable as his ex wife did not want it, and it was a long hard divorce for him. We have been very happy together over the last few months, and a few months ago he moved in with me. He does own his own place which he is currently renting out but the arrangement suits us both as I think from past experiences we are not ready to own a home together!
Last year I bought my own home, which is lovely and finally my divorce came through. I have a good job in management and am entirely and proudly self sufficient. My partner is a good man who treats me with respect. Our daughter is settled and spends a good amount of time with both parents. The relationship with my ex is civil on the surface.
So why over the last three to four months have I felt so awful?? I thought at first it was just everything catching up with me. Moving, I had a promotion at work, adjusting to a new relationship (and lots of people in our village treated us oddly due to our age difference - he is 18 years older than me). Needless to say, my ex doesn't 'agree' with the relationship either, although I am convinced that no one would come up to scratch. One big awful time was last year when I accidentally feel pregnant by my partner. I had an abortion which he supported but it has affected me I think far more than I realised. My job can also be stressful but I enjoy it. I have a very busy life generally. Also (and this is why I mentioned it earlier) the man that I briefly dated who moved away has for some reason now decided to (long distance)declare his undying love for me and has actually become a little harassing. I heard through the grapevine that he had split up with his current partner I think he just sees me as someone he can rely on (we do have a good connection as friends and he supported me through a couple of tough times before my current relationship). I also have some financial issues to deal with, although not massive. I owe about £7K on a credit card due to paying for so much during the separation but I earn a decent monthly wage and am chipping into it. Its just that I have never been one to get in debt and it is sometimes on my mind. I keep looking at my current partner, a man who I felt I loved more than any other man just recently and questioning everything.
I cannot sleep and feel anxious and paranoid about things I shouldn't. I visited the doctor 2 months ago and have been taking 10m of Citropralam which I think has taken the edge off it particularly just before my period. I feel like I want to regain control of my emotional self. I 'manage' everything else myself, I am very independent, but I feel I should be so much more thankful for everything I have. I'm sorry to go on, I just thought giving the bigger picture might help. I would be interested in other peoples experiences after change.