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Original poster

Desperate and pushed into a corner

22 replies

AC786 · 11/08/2014 07:13

I have not been living with my husband for several months due to awful living conditions with my in laws. He'd been out if work but said that when in a job, we would move in together. We have a young child. Now he is saying that he won't live with me until he has time alone with our child. What do I do?

OP posts:
heyday · 11/08/2014 07:19

Sorry, this sounds very complex but to be honest doesn't make very much sense at al. So do you live alone with your child at the moment. Why on earth would your husband want to live alone with the child? He is trying to gain custody of the child? Perhaps if you clarify the situation for us we can try to give some advice but it's too difficult to understand from your limited information what is going on.

bluebell345 · 11/08/2014 07:20

he doesn't seem sincere to me.
if he really wanted to be with you, he would do everything he can, not putting such strange conditions in front of you.
you need to have a honest conversation with him, what dis intentions are.
of course he has right to see his child, but he musn't make a problem of it, if child is very young he has to obey your rules.

FolkGirl · 11/08/2014 07:25

That makes no sense at all.

Given that your untenable living conditions were caused by his lack of of employment, he's hardly in a position to start issuing odd requests/demands that don't make any sense.

This sounds like a person who feels they lack control in their life trying to take some control wherever they can, clutching at straws and making themselves look ridiculous in the process...

FolkGirl · 11/08/2014 07:27

Well, he doesn't have to "obey your rules", you're not the boss...

But he does need to act in the best interests of the child, as do you. This means he needs time to spend with the child to build that relationship.

Or does this mean that you won't let him see his child without you being there to 'supervise'? If so, why is that?

Unless there are other things going on, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to expect to spend some time with his child alone. And you might benefit from that time too. Afterall, if you lived together, he would, presumably, spend time with the child alone.

Original poster
AC786 · 11/08/2014 14:03

I'm with my parents and we were meeting at the weekends but now he says he wants to see our child alone. We were meant to live together once he finds work but now he says he won't until he has our child alone and then he'll see. He also wants to take her to his family. I asked about me coming too and he said no.

To be honest, he has not been too interested in taking her before. And now I feel rather blackmailed and he is saying that if I don't, he will get the law involved. I have suggested that we look to finding a place together so that we can be together etc and he says no.

I lived with his mother and she was awful to me. He has not acknowledge. The two of them always ganged up on me.

Every time I try to talk to him he hangs up or runs away. I keep saying that whatever I have been through, it is best that our child lives with both her parents and is given that opportunity. The two of us have never actually lived together as we were with mother in law.

OP posts:
Original poster
AC786 · 11/08/2014 14:08

Plus he has her passport which he refuses to give to me. He says that I may leave the country...TBH I would not even have thought it. I have a full time job and reliant on the income. The fact that he said that makes me think that he may.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 11/08/2014 14:18

Can you give us some more information in terms of your backgrounds and current living?

In the meantime,
now he says he won't until he has our child alone and then he'll see.

Sod that for a game of soldiers. Your child is not a pawn.

Vivacia · 11/08/2014 14:19

Sorry, another request for information(!). What do you want to happen? I can't see why you feel pushed in to a corner.

Finola1step · 11/08/2014 14:21

OK OP, does your husband have relatives abroad?

SecretSpy · 11/08/2014 14:22

Are the two of you supposed to be 'together'?

Because it sounds like you want to all live together but he sounds like you are a separated couple arguing over contact?

LemonBreeland · 11/08/2014 14:25

Why does he need to see your DD without you? It sounds more like ge is going to leave the country with her. I would be very wary.

ptumbi · 11/08/2014 14:29

It does sound like he doesn't want to live with you, op. It sounds to me that he is quite happy at his mums , and not looking to move in together with you at all.
He seems to be after some access to his DC. I'd see a solicitor for legal advice re contact, if I were you.

tipsytrifle · 11/08/2014 19:38

It sounds to me like he wants the child but is not necessarily wanting you as well OP ... my alarm antennae are twitching ..

Where are you, UK? He has their passports and is blackmailing you about time alone?

I think you need proper legal advice and to get away asap ... but i may well not be understanding your situation fully ...

butterflybuttons · 11/08/2014 19:40

I wouldn't let him have your child as it seems he wants to take her out of the country. You need a solicitor and fast. It seems to me your marriage is over and now he wants to take your child away from you.

tipsytrifle · 11/08/2014 19:43

agreeing totally with butterfly .. sorry about misplaced plural in my post ... passport .. singular ... most pointedly ...

magoria · 11/08/2014 19:50

Sounds to me like you are a separated couple and you should move to put things on a more legal/safe position to prevent your H from taking and keeping your DD.

Squidstirfry · 11/08/2014 19:55

HE sounds realllly dodgy. I would be highly suspicious.
Demanding 'time' alone' with a child... my instincts are on alert.

Holdthepage · 11/08/2014 19:56

Do NOT let him take your child alone. There is absolutely no good reason for him to want to do this.

Report the passport as lost and apply for a replacement.

Whereisegg · 11/08/2014 20:00

Yy report passport as lost asap!
Do you have the birth certificate?

Tinks42 · 11/08/2014 20:06

I'm another one saying do not at any cost give that man your child. I'd also be very vigilant about him trying to snatch her too. If I were you I'd go somewhere that he knows nothing about. This man clearly wants the child and not you.

Anomaly · 11/08/2014 20:08

Please get proper legal advice from a solicitor. I would stop hoping for any kind of reconciliation. I think your husband sounds like he plans to take your daughter abroad. Even if he isn't planning on going too his mother might.

twizzleship · 12/08/2014 00:13

i think you need to wake up OP, this is NOT a marriage....he wants out. he doesn't want you/be married to you. his behaviour is sneaky and suspicious and under no circumstances do you leave him alone with your child.

report the passport as lost and seek legal advice asap.

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