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Original poster

Nephew's Christening, is it bad that am not going?

13 replies

lavender1 · 03/04/2004 21:04

My nephew is being Christened tomorrow and have just rung my sister up to say wont be going. It's a 6 hour car ride there and back, wouldn't subject 2 children to that and tbh, would rather see baby when can spend more time with him...and as don't earn huge amount (gardeners aren't brilliantly paid) can't justify £50 for a days jaunt..Just wanted to post here to check if am doing the right thing...will see sister and her husband in a few weeks for a couple of nights....any thoughts would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:

hercules · 03/04/2004 21:06

I think that's fine. When you have kids it's not as easy to do things like that anymore and anyone else with kids should understand and if not well.....
I think you'd get much more quality time going later without lots of other people anyway.

hercules · 03/04/2004 21:06

unless you are a gp of course.

Original poster

lavender1 · 03/04/2004 21:11

Thanks hercules thing is older sister is going without children, she lives a little nearer admittedly, York to Chester isn't as bad as cambridge to Chester (btw had older sister and family last w/e and food and wine cost a bit(which she didn't have to worry about as she just turned up and didn't pay for anything...we supplied lots of wine, cooked breakfasts, curries...that's why skint...don't feel guilty now)..

OP posts:

binkie · 03/04/2004 21:26

OK, you did ask. If this had been a "I've been asked to nephew's christening in x weeks' time, trying to decide whether to accept, have decided not to, how can I let down them down gently" then your reasons are fine. But unless this is a spur of the moment christening - and if it is, apologies, your reasons are still fine - what you are doing is cancelling your acceptance at the last moment. And for that I think your reasons aren't fine - unless, again, your circumstances have changed since you accepted, in which case the change in your circs should be the reason. No doubt your nephew's parents will have already spent money/effort on the basis that you were coming, which will now be wasted.

Sorry, but I think you should expect your sister to be disappointed and upset.

hercules · 03/04/2004 21:29

Actually what binkie says makes more sense, if you've already said you'd go then you probably should.

Original poster

lavender1 · 03/04/2004 21:37

I know what you're saying, but when sister rang 2-3 weeks ago to invite us she did actually say I'd love you to come but I understand if you can't (btw you don't know my family, many a time I have arrangements and then she's said "Oh, --- having a James Bond party, so am going to that instead, when we have been expecting her and really looking forward to her coming (basically I have been let down a lot...and like I said I do not earn a lot of money...so am sorry but £50 is a lot of money...we will see her soon (btw my mother isn't going as on holiday)

OP posts:

Chinchilla · 03/04/2004 21:39

So you've answered your own question Lavendar!

hercules · 03/04/2004 21:41

Sounds fair enough.

Clayhead · 03/04/2004 21:48

Did your sister seem upset when you called her?

If my brother did this, accepted then called off at last minute, I would be gutted and angry but all families are different so it's hard to answer your question. If your sister's fine with it then I guess you shouldn't feel guilty.

Original poster

lavender1 · 03/04/2004 21:55

btw, never accepted, would let her know (if I told you I have recently cut my hours at work to the shortfall of £100 a month, and didn't find this out until 2 days ago (boss was supposed to have altered wages this month as end of tax year, but hasn't....as I thought he would £100 less would have meant could not have afforded this (that's why have left it till last minute)(but like I said my family have done this...and will see them soon...if I told you that when I asked to come and visit my nephew I was put off until it suited them, yet all my sisters were up within hours of the birth...and only got invited because told other sister I wanted to see him

OP posts:

munchie · 04/04/2004 15:28

I have to say that I was in your sisters position in that my son was being baptised. For reasons known only to themselves neither of my sisters and their families attended his baptism. I have to say I was completley gutted. Baptism is an important step in the life of a christian, not just to the child but to the parents and family and it upsets me to think that my sisters didn't think it was important enough to attend.
I hope this doesn't upset or annoy you but 4 years down the line I still wonder why they didn't make it.

juniper68 · 04/04/2004 15:49

I was over the moon when my pagan BIl and SIL came to my boys baptisms Likewise I went to there v pagan halloween party dressed as a rather fetching Mortica
I'd echo that if she feels fine and you feel fine then where's the problem? And you're right all families are v different

jasper · 04/04/2004 21:14

lavender all families are different, but what comes to mind is my sister ALWAYS lets me down/ tells me she cant come to things at the last minute and I really dont like it.I have no problem with her not coming to things(basically because its too much hassle to come which with 2 young kids I understand) if she tells me from the start but she tends to tell me at the last gasp which I find insulting.It is becoming a bit of a pattern.

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