When your ex is on same dating site as you!

[kirsten123]

Hi all,

I left ex in April (no DCs) we lived together for 1year. He said he would never date again and that he was really a loner (hence he had been effectively EA).

He is (in the last week) back on dating site that we met on (a religious one) but specified he wants "friendship" rather than a relationship. He has also hardly filled in his profile.

Backstory (for those of you whom I haven't bored with it already!!!!) is that we got engaged within 2 months and then he withdrew all affection the second I relocated 450 miles to be with him!

Also relevant: we have been texting on and off in an amicable way re certain practical matters since the split and I admitted when he asked (not that I needed to!) that I was back Online Dating. However he has omitted to mention that he has rejoined, even when I asked him "what's new with you?" And I have set my profile so that no-one can see when I have looked at their profile. I'd imagine he's done the same.

I'm 31 and he is 36. No DCs at all.

So do you reckon he is just on there to freak me out or spy on me? Should I leave the site and/or stop posting on the message boards? Should I block him? It appears he hasn't been online for 6 days ie not since Saturday.

I am increasingly sure that I CANNOT be with this man (my parents loved him at first but now hate him!!) but I still care what he thinks, strangely enough!!!

Scared that if I do genuinely tell him to "fuck off" that I really won't ever hear from him again. And that makes me sad. He admitted that I have acted faultlessly and that he is the strange, complicated one. in many ways I feel sorry for him, you see!

Thanks for reading this!!

Love to you, whatever your situation tonight!
Kirsten

It's a god awful cringe moment when you see an ex on a dating site. He may be spying (seems odd to specify friendship on a dating site) but he's not going to find out much is he?

I would probably leave my profile there but start using another site if I were you.

Most sites let you block other people, try that. Failing that try another site.

I'm interested in why you are still in touch with this guy though. You have no commitments such as children, you are clearly not enthralled by him, really probably is time to let this one go and get on with your life.

This happened to me. I deleted my profile and moved to another site. He hasn't shown up on there yet thankfully!

Thanks all!

I've never done online dating myself, but my understanding from friends who dois that "friendship" can be a euphemism for NSA hookups, especially on sites which don't have this as an option.

If it's definitely your ex on there (can you really tell from a barely filled in profile? Is his name very unusual?), you seem disappointed that he is attempting to meet people after saying he wouldn't date. Being competelyhonest with yourself, could it be that you don't want him but aren't comfortable with anyone else having him either?

I think I'd be putting some space between me and him.

He was EA to you and you still have cosy chats with him in which you tell him about your life? Please stop doing that. He's an ex for a good reason.

I know a friendship is possible after a relationship has ended but I'd let a lot more water go under the bridge here . He seems to still be calling the shots a little?

You gave up a lot to be with this bloke who then effectively ignored you and dumped you. Don't keep flogging this dead horse. Join another dating site

Hi,

Yes, it's definitely him. Unusual name and he has a photo up that he used when he was on last time.

Next time he texts I will tell him nicely that I want to move on and to leave me alone.

Yes, he did constructively dump me but was too cowardly to actually "do" it. So I had to.

I'm so angry with him still. It should have been wonderful but he fucked me over actually.

Thanks for the advice.