Do I end my relationship?

[Lezprechaun]

Sorry if this is long, it's just hard to get everything across without waffling.

I feel so torn up about my relationship of 7 years, we are a same sex couple with 3 children and I've got to the point where I am considering ending it but can't bring myself to put the kids through it.

It isn't that there is abuse or anything like that it's just that we've drifted apart, we are such different people and as time has gone on those differences have become even greater to a point that I feel we have nothing much in common anymore. We don't seem to spend any quality time together, we don't have a sex life and every day is just the same routine of kids and family. It's like we are just friends that live together as opposed to a couple.

We do get on well but then we argue a lot also, mainly instigated by me, and I spend a lot of time feeling upset and disappointed that she dosnt seem to prioritise our relationship and it's causing resentment.

While she isn't the childrens biological parent they see her as a parent and adore her and it will destroy them if we spilt. What do I do?

If you are not happy together the children will pick up on that and won't be happy anyway. Long-term it sets a negative model/example for them that they may go on to replicate in their own relationships as adults because that is what is normal to them. So, long short, I'd never advise staying together for the kids. It doesn't work.

But have you tried everything to talk and try to resolve your problems together? I think if you have then you just need to plan together the best way of living apart while still both parenting the best way you both can apart for your DC. If not, then it's time to start talking. Good luck.

I agree with you but then we are happy sometimes, but as friends and I want a relationship rather than a friend. We have had hundreds of conversations and she is quite happy the way we are. I've asked before what makes our relationship different from a traditional friendship and she replies "because I love you". I feel like we've talked and talked and nothing is ever going to change because she thinks there is nothing to fix and I'm not sure it ever can be fixed. In my opinion were not compatible as a couple. I do love her a great deal but it isn't really enough anymore.

I just feel like with all the issues people face in relationships that this is petty and I should be grateful that
Not with an abusive partner and not rock the boat.

I think the question to ask would be, if someone else looked after the kids for a few days, how would you be on a relaxing midweek (or even week long) break together. Would you be able to completely enjoy each other's company, or would you be itching to go off and do your own thing, all the time.

Then I suppose you have a decision to make.

Can you imagine sitting it out until the DC have grown up and left home? Could you accept the less than happy but not right out miserable for that length of time?

Does you partner really understand what is at stake? That you are considering ending the relationship? And have you thought of all the angles financially?

Children aren't destroyed by their parents relationship ending, they are damaged by parents handling it badly, withholding contact, involving children in disputes etc. If you and your P handle it with their interests at heart they will be ok. Sure they will be unhappy for a spell but ok.

I agree completely, I just don't know how I would manage if we split. A) as my partner is the main carer to the children but has no legal rights over them and could not continue to be the main carer without me financially supporting her. B) the children spend 3 days a week with their other parent so adding in access for my partner means they are going between 3 homes and will severely reduce the time I see them.

I know it won't destroy them but they've been through a messy breakup before and I just don't think I can do it to them.

In answer to the poster who asked what we do when the children are not there. Generally do our thing, play on phones, watch TV, read a book, visit friends. Sometimes we watch a film together sat on separate sofas barely talking.

I might post a few examples of the things that bother me the most and get an outside view on it. To me I feel like she dosnt care anymore and dosnt want a relationship as I feel she makes no effort to work on it and spend time together etc. She sees that everything is fine and that I am overly needy. I just think we expect different things out of relationship and so one of us is never going to be happy.

Can you try counselling? It's something I wish I'd tried with my partner before we split up. Breaking up is a big decision when you have kids so anything you can do to be sure of your decision would be good.

Have you been for relationship counselling? Worth trying before throwing in the towel.