Feels like a kick in the guts!!

[knowledgeispower]

I posted previously about cocklodging my EXP and how unhappy I was being in a relationship. When I ended things I said I wanted him to meet someone else and be happy etc. He was so upset and tearful almost begging me to let him come with us when we moved over 300 miles away to be nearer to my family and friends. I said it's gone past that and I wanted to go on my own. We'd still have the same problems.

Anyway, when I moved it was very emotional as I was missing the man I thought he was when I met him etc. We kept in contact and he was a great help when I moved. We have been in contact almost daily since June. I knew it wasn't the healthiest thing to do but it helped me through a rough period. I was concerned for him settling into being single again.

Fast forward to the past week or so. There was no contact on his part for a few days and I tried to ring him several times. I was a bit concerned as he is getting treatment for depression etc. Then a few days later out of the blue I get a message asking if we could speak on the phone. I called him and he told me he'd met someone and he had been with her when I'd tried to call! I told him he should have let me know sooner as I was worried etc. I also said I was pleased he met someone.

I now feel like a fool! I have wasted so much time, energy and worry on this man. Now I feel used, discarded and unsettled.

I thought I was over it and had dreamed about him being out of my life and having moved on. So why do I feel so rejected and upset?

Yeah, that's why you should never worry about someone being single again. Doesn't take them long.

You have to let go, you are seperated, he has moved on, you have to move on too. It is normal to feel a bit jealous of him getting a new life without you. Would you feel the same if it were you who had started a new relationship ? Remember: it was your choice. Good luck, you will get over it.

I feel like a mug to be honest. I'm definitely not jumping into another relationship as soon as major issues need to be resolved. Self esteem being the main one.

It really is beggars belief that he just jumps from relationship to relationship without thought for anyone but himself.

I know I'll be okay... more than okay... you live and learn!

Now where is that 'fuck you' thread?!

Your ex has done nothing wrong here. To be honest, I don't buy what you're saying about keeping in touch as a way of helping him settle into single life again, especially the level of contact that you were having with him. It may have helped you through a rough period but it can't have been doing anything for your ex in terms of helping him get over you. I think it was selfish of you to take anything from this man - emotionally or practically - knowing that he was emotionally vulnerable and you could never give him what he wanted. You may have told him it was over but it sounds like you were sending very mixed messages through your behaviour. The upset you're feeling now would suggest to me that you weren't emotionally disentangled from the relationship either - surely you can see it wasn't healthy to ring him several times over the last few days. You said you wanted to move on and you wanted him to move on. You effectively gave him permission to stop feeling like he had to take any care of you. You can't expect him to seamlessly move you into a 'close friend' bracket and think 'Oh, OP will be worried.' The relationship you've been having over the last few months was not a friendship, really. It was always time limited. This is what men are often like in friendships - they don't worry about their friends. They're often not very thoughtful. What you were enjoying up until now was the attentions of a man who probably still hoped you'd take him back eventually. Given that his new girlfriend is unlikely to be comfortable about you two staying in contact, I would imagine your upset is likely to also be down to your knowing, deep down, that you're going to lose him completely now. That is always sad but it had to come.

It sounds to me that you still saw him as 'yours' and now you're reacting as though you've been dumped For me an ex is an ex for a reason. Continuous contact does no-one any good.

Thicketof stars - thank you for your post. I realise that everyone that has read my OP may not know the back story. I may have come across as being a heartless bitch or taking the 'I don't want him but you can't have him' approach (or indeed both)

I beg to differ with the line that it was selfish of me to take from this man. That couldn't be further from the truth. Towards the end of our relationship it was obvious that it was over. In the final year (whilst eating my food, using my internet connection/electric to watch porn/ dictating what I could and couldn't do in my own home) he treated me as a maid and we didn't sleep in the same bed for over 3 years (half our relationship). Things became very unhealthy but I was paralysed by fear of the unknown and keeping uo the status quo! From the off there were red flags flapping like a Nazi party convention.

When I spoke to him about it how I thought we'd be better off apart it was very difficult to except on my part that I'd poured so my worry and energy into the relationship without much back.

Throughout our relationship I encouraged him to make his dream of going back to university a reality. Everyone else was to blame but I showed him I believed in him and he do whatever he wanted with his life through hard work and effort.

I could go on but the bottom line is I'm happy that he has now moved on. I was in shock when I posted and I'm slowly building my self esteem back up again. I haven't contacted him at all since he told me.

Beforeandafter - there were blurred lines but at least there is now some closure.

(Adding thus to previous post: using my internet connection to chat to other women at all hours)

OP, I didn't mean to suggest that you were a 'baddie' - in fact, I had imagined that your ex had probably been a bit of a git, I don't know why. And I know that you wanted the best for him. I was talking about one aspect of your breakup that should probably have been handled differently. That's all.

Yes I agree, but not for him. For me! I was just so run down and dependent on him but I could of handled it better. It takes two tango though.

Full of typos!

Full of typos!