I think DP is attracted to another woman

[gingercat2]

I'm having a moment of insecurity about my DP. I've always known that he found a friend's partner attractive ever since I met him about three years ago. Just little comments like calling her Fatty when she was pregnant (I hated that but didn't say anything as we were a new relationship), saying that she was much too good-looking for his friend, and just recently asking me if she was coming along to a sporting event. That's it. She's pregnant again so maybe that is related to my worries. I think she's a lot more like his separated wife than I am.

Am I being silly? What would you do?

Awww hun I am sorry for the feelings that you are having to navigate through. Please don't ever feel that your feelings are silly or wrong in any way. I would in your shoes have a real heart to heart with your dp, I would write down my thoughts and feelings to make sure that there is no blame and to keep focused and then tell him.

Just say dp I am finding it hard at the moment as I feel that you may have an attraction with your friends partner. This is compounded by the fact that I feel you have these affectionate words that you use to describe her when she is pregnant. I am feeling low and unattractive, I am battling with the thoughts around pregnancy as I would like to be pregnant with you (am I right in this? You would like to take the next step?). I need you to help me with over coming my feelings of self worth.

Be honest, do not blame, take your feelings and own them, then share these with him.

I hope that he can put your mind to rest, he may find her attractive, but he also finds you attractive and he wants to be with you. I always think that one should be able to talk to ones partner, no matter what the subject/issue is, and feel safe doing it. I often say to people that they can choose what energy they bring into a relationship.

Good luck and I hope that you can resolve this issue to a point that it no longer is an issue.

I'm a bit confused, why is her being pregnant related to your worries? I don't think you need to worry about her falling for him anyway, unless she likes being called fatty. He sounds charming.

I'm not sure why being pregnant and getting called fatty is anything that is ringing alarm bells for you, but I'm sure there's something else that is making you feel a bit worried about it.

Think. Are these things that could be misinterpreted or not? Would someone else seeing them together pick up on any vibes or not? Do you feel that if she gave him any encouragement he'd want to do something about it?

It cant hurt to talk to him about it all. If you are just being silly, it doesn't matter, you still feel how you feel and he can reassure you. If he does fancy her a bit maybe he'll admit it but reassure you that it doesn't mean anything is going to happen. (let's face it, most of us vaguely fancy some other people, look at the threads on here about various celebrities).

I'm pretty sure Oh has a little bit of a crush on one of his mates wives. Doesn't bother me.

Thanks for the responses. I was worried that her being pregnant might make him more attracted to her, as in the fertile woman sort of thing......

I think I might try and talk to him about it, will try and do it in a gentle non-confronting way.

I really don't think men find pregnant women all that attractive unless it's their partner or they have a fetish for it.

Without wanting to pry, and you don't have to answer but just think about this - do you have problems with infertility in your marriage, or are you disagreeing about whether to have children at all or yet, and that's making her pregnancy a touchy topic for you?

Do it. Ive recently had to deal with feelings frm way back in the past of my oh's. A woman he was attracted to many years ago got back in touch. She is going through some mid life crisis of what might have been. Now he is not interested but admits he does care that she is going through a tough time. That hurt even though I know its just cos they used to be best of friends.
I have sent myself insane going through this and the only way Ive coped is by being brutally honest with him.
She refuses to apologise for making me feel uncomfortable, but thats another story because the woman in yours hasnt done anything and really, nor has your dh.
Deal with your insecurities (thats what Im trying to do, doesnt help im a squidgy size 12 and she is a marathon runner but anyway...) and be honest with dh, Im sure its fine.

On another side - how much does he talk about her? I remember my ex wouldnt shut up about how beautiful one of my friends is. It has left such a scar on me when Im around her and my current OH. She IS utterly beautiful and Im just average Id say, and I adore her but she has men falling over themselves just to be near her - gay and straight - everyone wants a piece of her. We are all meeting tonight and while I cant wait, Im still disturbed by my ex's adoration of her. I remember going out with him (lets call him Dave) and one of his mates and while he was in the loo his mate saying "Oh Dave's Katie is coming to visit later isnt she" I was like "daves katie??!?!?".... dont let him take the piss, but if most of this is in your mind, just talk it through, its probably nothing like you think it is :) I do under stand though x x x

Thanks for the new responses. Regarding the pregnancy, I don't know why that's bothering me. I have two kids and I'm happy to stop there, although it was dp who instigated the decision and me gradually coming to terms with it. I'm a squidgy size 12 too mosaic and not feeling as happy with my appearance as I would like. He hardly ever talks about her though so I think it's mostly in my head. He might not even realise his attraction exists.