Just spent the last 30minutes trying to wake hubby from nightmare - what to do??

[mummyemily]

Well its another night of him having nightmares! he has serious PTSD and these dreams are not uncommon these are not mumbles in his sleep but having him on the floor, legs "running" punching screaming and moving around the upstairs and normally I can help him get back to a safe sleep. But tonight has scared me to the point for needing help! My eldest son (8) was in our bed with me as not well he said he would sleep in sons room, got woken up at 11.30 by him shouting my name over and over I could here him banging around against the wall (not uncommon when he is dreaming) after about 10 minutes went in as was frightened he would wake both boys to find him on the floor head wedged in the door frame legs up on the bed screaming at me to get the boys up and in the car and take them away and this time I couldn't help him, couldn't talk him round so sat on the floor for 30 minutes trying to get him to realise he was home safe it was only when I broke down in tears did he wake - I have NEVER broken down but he has really scared me this time. He is getting help with his condition but no one can help me deal with these night terrors and we have been told that they proberly wont stop I am at the point of no return I feel totally helpless and angry with him for having them I can not remember spending more than 2 nights on the trot in my bed as usually end up on the sofa to stop being kicked or punched when he is sleeping then I sit downstairs and listen out for him to make sure he doesn't hurt himself (he falls out of bed alot and bangs his head/legs ect). So far baby 1yr in 3 weeks and my eldest hasn't been woken by him yet! He has no recollection of the night so try not to mention them to him as it upsets him to know what has happened but I just don;t know how to handle it and as so exchausted I dread the night time. I know no-one can help me but need something!
Sorry if this is something that shouldn't be posted but needed to get it down

Just need to elaborate - his aggression is not directed at me but at what ever it is he is dreaming about. he has never been aggressive or threating to me or our boys ever

I would have called for emergency services with that level of nightmare/night terror.

This is debilitating for the person who has them - but also debilitating for their nearest family members. You know that your priority is to safeguard your 2 children don't you?

There will be a reason for his PTSD - has he contacted an appropriate support group? You say he is receiving help. I am not sure what the origin of his night terrors is.

You really can't go on like this. You have hit the point of exhaustion yet you have to be the main carer for your two DC until this situation is rectified. Why would you be told that the night terrors probably won't stop? It may take long-term residential therapeutic support for DH - but it would be worth it if his issues are addressed and sorted and he comes home 'well'.

Oh Emily that sounds like a really really tough situation for you to be in. Aside from on here dobyou have anyone you can talk to about this? Might it be worth looking into some counselling for you to help you process the enormous emotional strain that you must be under as well? My OH suffers from anxiety and I try to hide how much it upsets me because I know that isn't helpful for him. I find that exhausting, so I can only begin to imagine how you must feel. I'm sorry I don't have any practical advice, but I'm thinking of you x

God, that sounds horrendous, poor you, and him, would sleeping pills or something like valium not help?

Sorry, that's probably a stupid question.

I thought your brain released a chemical that paralysed you at night so you couldn't act out your dreams?

What about a mattress on the floor for a start?

thanks will try and answer all questions Sanwindow28 PTSD is from personnel and professional trama through his life he is being treated by the mental health team, his night terrors can be from childhood, when he was serving or totally ramdom - usually i can get him to speak to me though these so get a pretty good idea
Mummysparkle had thought about going to the doctors but what do I say I can't sleep because my hubby has PTSD? he also suffers from terrible anxiexty and gets tremmors with it - hence why I dont say anything to him about it unless I have to. No sadly I don;t have anyone I can talk to and if I did wouldn't know what to say
LiberalLibertines he is on the highest strenght sleeping pills they can give him as well as a cocktail of pills he has every day. they are loathed to give him anything else. about the chemicals i don't know but i have lost count of how many times his legs have been "running or climbing" when he is flat on his back

Is there a pattern to when he has these terrors, eg: he's asleep for 3 hrs then dreams. My oldest used to have them and we noticed a pattern so set a clock for 15 mins, then 20 mns, then 1/2 before the time he would dream until we hit the right time. He would waken, turn the clock off then go back to sleep. I know it means interrupted sleep but nightmares often leave the dreamer exhausted anyway so he would already be tired from them. My nephew was young though and I don't know if it was coincidence or not but they did stop. Poor you, I know it's exhausting.

Must just point out that my my nephew lives with me and that is why we call him our oldest, in case anyone thinks I'm a weird aunt.

don't call emergency services, please. most inappropriate

My DH has a similar thing, not as bad, but it's also from PTSD. He grew up on the front line of a violent war and his other siblings also have the same thing. I had to get help in the end and the only way I could get a professional to believe how bad it was, was to record him. He is having therapy and also takes a pill before he goes to bed.

Have you explored these options with your DH?

going to phone the doctors for me today, thinking of recording him but worried it will adversly affect him if he hears what I and he goes though at night, he has just woken up and doesnt remeber a thing just that he went to bed in one bed and woke in another he was dreaming all night I spent it on the sofa listening to him helpless!

You mention that the ptsd is partly from when he was serving, so I take it he was in the armed forces? If so, you might want to contact combat stress UK. They have a 24 hour helpline, cadres support groups and other things that might help. and a lot of experience of families in your situation, which is sadly not that uncommon, including the multiple sources of trauma.

Carers, not cadres.

I know you've said he's getting help for his anxiety and PTSD from the mental health team, but it does sound serious enough for him to be referred to a sleep clinic too.

When I was quite young I was referred to a sleep disorders clinic, maybe you should suggest that to him. The place I was referred to was in a London hospital but there are more all over the country.

I do recommend recording him as I was in denial about the extent of my sleep issues, it took a group sleepover for me to admit that my night time antics weren't normal, and they were a fraction of what your DH experiences.

mummyemily -- See if you can find a Somatic Experiencing practitioner in your area. I have absolutely no doubt at all that they will be able to help your DH with his PTSD and his night terrors. No doubt at all. Good luck!

www.traumahealing.com/somatic-experiencing/index.html

www.seauk.org.uk/what-is-se.html - the UK site

I'd recommend looking into EMDR for his PTSD of that snot what's being offered. Good luck!

You poor thing, you must be exhausted. My H, DS and Dd2 all suffer from night terrors, no trauma or anything involved, just a sleep disorder.
I have found different things work for each of them to get them back to sleep, my DS is ok with cuddles for example whereas my dd goes into complete panic mode if anyone touches her, but she calms down with singing.
I've read a lot about night terrors and the advice is generally not to try and rouse them, just agree with whatever they are saying and encourage them to go back to sleep. My DS is usually screaming that he doesn't want to do it, he wants to go home etc, so I would say, ok we'll go home now rather than say he is already home IYSWIM.
Like I said, this is all without the complication of PTSD as well though, and you may well have tried it all already.
Huge sympathy for all of you though.

Please don't phone the emergency services unless you can't keep him safe for some reason.

I just came on to recommend EMDR too (I'm a trainee CBT therapist and EMDR has good evidence that it helps people with PTSD0. You can read about it here on the wiki page.

It might be that his MH team are already on it, but if it's not available on the NHS in your area, you can look for a private practitioner here.

And here's the NICE guidelines for the treatment of PTSD.

As far as the terrors are concerned, I agree with LizzieMint that it's best to just go along with what they're saying whilst trying to keep them safe. My eldest used to have them as a toddler, and DP had them as a teenager - running around the house, trying to jump down the stairs etc, but totally asleep. It's so upsetting to watch, but they don't remember that distress at all once they wake up do they? So really, you are feeling the effects more than your DH is (apart from perhaps the effects of disrupted sleep for him). I realised that all I could do was sit by DS1 and wait for it to finish - nothing I did made any difference so I had to change how I processed the experience to make it less distressing for me - knowing he was safe and that he would be OK once he woke up.

So sorry you are going through this, it sounds exhausting and frightening. I hope you can both find something that helps.