Say my name say my name....

[Thischarmingpram]

Would it bother you if your DP of 3 yrs never referred to you by name during conversations with his exW? They refer to him being 'in London' for instance instead of 'at thischarmings' iyswim. She knows I exist I have met their adult children on numerous occasions. It may be a small thing but it makes me feel uncomfortable. I have told him and he dismisses it as me being silly.

It would bother me. Did he leave her to be with you?

No they divorced 20 years ago and she is in a long term relationship

It depends. Does she do the same to him when talking about her partner? If so, maybe it's just sort of agreement they have.

However, it is pretty fucking weird if they split up 20 years ago.

I would talk to him about it again, and be serious. If he tells you you are being silly, tell him he is being dismissive and patronising of your feelings. Ask him why he does it. If he can't give a reason, then there's no reason he can't start using your fucking name is there?

No she mentions her partner, he has met him on numerous occasions over the years. It is weird and it really pisses me off. He is very loving and devoted in every other way - I have written him a letter about how it makes me feel so I can explain without getting arsey.

Dont think id be that bothered... He IS with you, what does it matter if anyone else knows or not?

Seriously, worse things have happened in life than DP not mentioning you in conversation, im sure. Maybe theres a perfectly good explanation, maybe he just wants to keep the good parts of his life separate from the past.

oh what...i thought this was going to be a juicy sex thread ha ha. could do with a bit of lightheartedness.

OP it would definitely bother me. Personally it would make me feel that I wasn't important enough to have an identity.

But as someone said, this may just be his way.

Ha not a juicy sex thread I'm afraid, I am sat in a vets waiting to get my dogs anal glands squeezed, def not feeling sexy!

I agree with him TBH, if you're not there what does it matter?

Oh just seen Bisou88 post, I couldn't agree more.

OP it would bother me. Why doesn't he use your name? Does he use it with other people or not? I find it strange tbh.

Why does he have conversations with her if their children are grown up?

That would bother me first, and then yeah I'd be bothered about your specific issue. However, I did have along term ex-bf who did this to his parents even, and they loved me to bits. He would say 'I'm camping in Scotland, I'll be back on Wednesday, I had a long journey' etc. when we were both there. Was weird and bad.

If they've been divorced that long and the children are adult why are they still talking?

they rarely speak (as far as I know) and when they do it regards birthdays, family do's that kind of thing. I have no problem with them speaking, I think it is nice to be amicable. I get on well with my exH who he has met and we are barely divorced in comparison.
there is no-one else he doesn't mention me to - all other family members, milkman, mates, anyone really.
When I first asked him about it he said he didn't want to 'rock the boat'....

No - put your foot down and make him mention you properly. If he wants to be friendly and cordial with her that should be on terms that respect you properly. Or not at all. He should focus more on floating your boat and not care if he rocks hers (sorry)! He is BVU

Perhaps he is just private and doesnt want a cross over of any parts of his life?

I have to say, depending on the style and tone of your letter - that might make me run for the hills, if you come across as irrational and unhinged.

You sound insecure if this is such a big deal to you

Maybe he just thinks its none of her business and doesn't want to give her the opportunity to ask personal questions, keeping it a more formal conversation ?

Am I the only one reading this thread who has the urge to sing very loudly Beyonce's Song "Say my name. Say my name where no is around you, say baby I love you...................................................................................... You acting kidda shady in calling me baby.

Thanks for different views, think I'll sit on the letter for now, I can be insecure I know. I made my feelings clear earlier in the week about how uneasy it makes me and he says he has taken it on board, although we had the identical heated debate about a year ago. We'll see what happens But good to know I'm not the only one who would feel unsettled by it, although maybe I should try not to let it niggle me so much and get a life reflect on all the positives we have.

Are these phone conversations that you're overhearing or in person? To be honest there's absolutely nothing you've mentioned that would worry me.

" No - put your foot down and make him mention you properly "please don't do this or send him a letter, it will make you look unhinged.