Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Jekyll and Hyde

6 replies

betenoire2012 · 07/08/2014 11:52

My partner of 7 years is like Jekyll and Hyde. We have a beautiful 2 yr old DD and another due in November. The problem is I'm tired of his mood swings. The problems only really began since the pregnancy, and we're under a bit of financial pressure too.

He's also become only pleasant when he's had a 'herbal' cigarette, and gets really cranky otherwise. He doesn't smoke in the presence of DD, thank god.

He seems genuinely pleased we're having baby #2, but when he creates an argument it's almost as if he forgets I need a little tlc and no stress on the baby. I would love to chat calmly with him about our future together, but i know how it'll end (him saying "i'll never leave my kids, as that's what my dad did").

Yesterday was my birthday. The day started off ok, despite me getting no card from him (we agreed to not do presents as we're saving for the new baby). We went out for the day which was nice, but on the drive home he started yelling at me for not having paid a non urgent bill. It was totally out of the blue and I was like "can we not have this conversation in front of our daughter?"

He gave me the silent treatment all the way home. When we got home i burst into tears and he was like "oh why are you crying? You shouldn't cry on your birthday!". I could have punched him there and then.

He then said "oh do you mind if i go for a half hour nap?" at 7.30pm but he slept all the way til 8am this morning when i had to leave for work (he's a stay at home dad). So no birthday celebrations for me!!

I was so angry with him for ruining my evening and he was totally oblivious this morning and asked me cursingly "are you in a mood with me?" I left the house and burst into tears, again. It just all seemed so childishly trivial, yet made me feel so small.

I don't know what to do, this is the last straw for me in a long line of incidents, but i don't want to be a single mum as we live abroad and have no family nearby.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Squidstirfry · 07/08/2014 12:48

Er... He isn't jekyl or hyde he's an abusive pot head.

You're better of as a single mum than you are subjecting your DD to someone who yells a torrent of abuse at you, over an unpaid bill on your birthday!

Your family may not be nearby but I'm sure if you spoke to one of them about your situation they would be on your side wth emotional support and advise.

Don't put up with this!

bibliomania · 07/08/2014 14:36

I agree it's abusive. It sounds like the only reason you want to stay is a logistical one - being far from family. That's no reason to stay. I'm a single parent and my family live in a different country, and yes, it occasionally be tricky. But it's a hell of a lot easier than living with abuse.

Incidentally, if there's a possibility that you might want to come back to the UK, then please get legal advice sooner rather than later.

CoffeeTea103 · 07/08/2014 14:41

Op how does he treat your dd, does he have moods with her too? Think about your future and always being on edge around him, do you want that? There was no need for him to speak to you like that yesterday, he could have asked you nicely.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/08/2014 15:05

I don't even have to read the thread.
He an abusive arsehole and a drug addict.
If that's the environment and example you are happy for your kids to grow up in then carry on.

If you want something better for yourself and your DC, then get the hell away and do it fast!

Get friends and family on board to help you through this stage
Contact Womens Aid to get some legal pointers
Contact CAB
Then CSA
Then get out!

hellsbellsmelons · 07/08/2014 15:10

Sorry - read the OP now.
Can you come home?
Do you have a passport for DD?
Book a 'holiday' and get away for a bit.
Worry about the practicalities of access when you manage to get some head space away from the abuse.

None of us WANT to be a single mum.
Some of us had no choice.
Others NEED to be, would rather be a single mum than stay in an abusive relationship and teach their kids that this is normality.

You have options - start to think things through.

kaykayblue · 07/08/2014 16:42

What country are you in? And why is a pot addict a stay at home dad? How do you know that he doesn't smoke in front/around your child/is looking after your child when stoned?

When do you go on maternity leave?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread