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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why cant I forgive this friend?

2 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 07/08/2014 07:29

I have posted about this before but in a different context.
I have a friend who I admire in many ways but about 10 years ago she went out with two of my ex boyfriends in quick succession. One of them really hurt and the other I didnt care about as he was a looser.
She is currently with another one of her friend's exes and has been for a long time and they have a kid together.
Part of me wonders why I stayed friends with her tbh but I guess it was an unhealthy atrachment.
Things are more complicated now that my dad and her mum are going out and shes a bit more in my face than ever.
I guess what im finding most hard is rhat she has it all: a massive house and a caring dp while im stil single. I often feel that if id been a bit more cut throat whilst involved in the dating scene then I would have a dp by now. She can be quite smug about ger situation when I just keep thinking " sloppy seconds".
I think she knows how she has behaved as she once told me shed " got away with it". But she hasnt as I dont trust her.
I have told my dad but he dosnt get it.
Im thinking of moving away tbh as I find tge whole
thing so annoying . Of course this has highlighted my problems with assertiveness and boundaries or rather lack of.

OP posts:
regularbutpanickingabit · 07/08/2014 08:09

They have all been exes? Not current partners? Then I don't really see the problem. If both parties are single then they are perfectly entitled to date. Do you wish you were still in a relationship with those guys?

As for her partner now, you say they have been together a while and have a child together. Why on earth is that showing her in a bad light? How is she being cut-throat?!

It sounds like she represents the life you wish you had and you are more comfortable focusing your disappointment via misplaced disgust at her than deal with your own feelings and behaviour.

Do you feel like you will be compared unfavourably with her now your parents are dating?

Honestly, let it go and focus on making yourself happy.

FiftyShadesOfGreen4205 · 07/08/2014 08:35

You won't be happy unless you focus on your own life and leave her to hers.

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