Feeling awkward during group banter

[MiriamBolt]

I'm 50ish and belong to a mixed sex group who partakes in a particular sport - very nice people and I'm happy to be involved in the group.

The only problenm is that there's a lot of standing around chatting before and after. I often feel uncomfortable as there's plenty of banter and jolity and I feel awkward and always on the sidelines; not part of things.

I'm not a naturally 'fun' person; fairly quiet and feel more relaxed in 1:1 conversations.

If I could hand some food round. or something like that, I'd feel okayish, but its not that sort of situation, so there's nothing to actually 'do'.

Anyone else relate to this?

I think you're doing amazingly well just to be present. I hide in my house, mostly.

All groups have people like you in them and I am sure everyone accepts you as you are. We are all different!

A group needs all kinds of different people. Being quiet is perfectly fine! Remember a lot of people talk / joke as they are nervous. If you are happy and participate but are a bit quieter than the rest then you'd be the person I'd be stood next to.

You sound like an introvert, they sound like extroverts. We're all different eg although I'm an extrovert (and so would enjoy the banter), I don't like lots of hanging around doing nothing but chatting when an event is due to start and the chatting makes us late starting; whereas some people really need that bonding time before the event and don't mind it dragging into the start time.

What I'm trying to say in a long winded way is that we're all different. I bet there are some in the group who, like you, are introverts but go along with the banter because they feel they ought to.

Btw, introverts and extroverts notoriously don't get one another, often envying the characteristics of the other.

I am like this too. I tend to latch on to one person at a time. Choose someone who isn't participating in the conversation and chat to them. Don't monopolise them though. Move on frequently, so they don't feel rude if they want to chat to someone else or the whole group.

I'm like you! I find it gets better as I get to know people more. Hoever, my version of 'getting to know' people seems to take more than a year. As an example, I think I'd been in my book group for 18 months before I felt comfortable with the informal chatting rather than just the focused talking on the book. In my cycle club, maybe even longer.

How long have you been in this group?

Can you manage a role as "audience member", laughing and nodding at others' jokes?

whatdoesit has it.

You're better at one to one convos well just have them. People who do this are often the most valued members of the group!

I don't think that's really the definition of extrovert and introvert.

I'm glad it's not just me!

I remember at uni I was part of a large group of friends, which really wasn't my thing at all. I'd spend time with them, but was always quiet when we were together, only talking to the people either side of me rather than those on the other side of the room. I remember one guy saying he noticed I didn't talk much in the group, but he always liked it when I did cos I'd always have something insightful to say. Which was sweet, but didn't encourage me to talk more.

I'm like that too, I'm very uncomfy in those sorts of situations, but if I know that group well enough I can put on a good show...I bet you'll find there is another 'you' in the group..