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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I stop loving him?

3 replies

newtoday0000 · 06/08/2014 22:09

I split up with my husband 2 years ago after 13 years together. He turned from a loving young man into a heavy drinker with no sense of responsibility for our beautiful children. His main aim in life was to be liked by everyone and be seen as a man about town but I was left to pick up the pieces at home and felt so lonely. We split up as we both said we couldn't go on the way we were. I thought he would see the error of his ways and after a few months would realise what he had lost and beg to come back. But he didn't. Instead he got with the type of woman who in my head I envisaged he should really be with - leading the same lifestyle as him and I think she was already on the sidelines.

I was shellshocked and everything fell from under me. He was all I had known. The question I am asking is when will I stop feeling so desperate?. Ive read lots of advice on here about people feeling the same feelings as me but I'm a bit further down the line. It's over 18 months since I found out he had shacked up with that skank and at times I feel just as bad as when I first found out. Ill be ok and then I'll see them together near my home etc and ill be so bad for days I can hardly eat. Its often just simple things which trigger it. Someone said they had seen them out in the supermarket buying food and it so upsetting that we're here alone whilst she's there cooking his frigging tea! On certain days i sit thinking about her going with him to family parties and out with him on his birthday like i would be doing.

The thought of being like this another year down the line is unbearable and what im asking is how can I begin to get over it? Is it normal to still feel like this at my point? I know I'm much better off now than with him but my heart and my head have different ideas. I just need some practical advice please.

OP posts:
HumblePieMonster · 06/08/2014 22:42

Time passes and you mind less. That's how it goes. I find that non-contact helps, but you might not be able to do that. Also, distraction. Take up a hobby or better still, get on a dating website. Take your mind off it.

My mum (died in March, was giving out advice left right and centre before she left) told me to get over the most recent man by having five more. Five. That's the magic number, apparently.

CommonBurdock · 06/08/2014 23:57

Smile hPmonster. Did she say if it was 5-a-day or can you spread them out over a week?
I agree with previous poster OP. You will find someone who's worth it, don't worry.

Tinks42 · 07/08/2014 00:06

I would say though OP if you go down the dating website route be honest on your profile and say you're just dipping your toes in. Im on site and it drives me mad where people are still getting over ex partners and using that medium to do so without being upfront about it Angry.... rant over.

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