Does anyone else have a sibling who was in care?

[saltnpepa]

I have an older brother who spent some time in a childrens home and with foster parents when he was an only child and my mum and dad were very young. Later on they brought him home and went onto have my sister and I and we never went into care although the family home remained chaotic. My brother is very difficult to get along with and blows small arguments into major dramas and then has nothing to do with us for years at a time, during which time he'll send notes and presents. My sister and I find his behavior difficult but I am wondering if his experiences have made it hard for him. Does anyone have any experience of this? I would like to help him.

I have a sister who was taken into care for a while but as a much older child when our mother was unable to look after her. Not at all similar to your brother's experience.

To help him, I would say that the best thing you could do is listen to him. It must have been terribly hard for him and I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't harbour some resentment that you and your other sibling didn't have the same very distressing experiences as he had to endure.

Has he ever received any counselling related to his abandonment at such a very young age?

I was in care. I was placed with my grandparents for the most part but on several occasions I had to go into foster care or group home temporarily until the death of my grandmother where I was placed permanently in group home. Some foster carers are immense, excellent at what they do, kind and compassionate and I cannot rate them high enough. Some really should evaluate themselves and their chosen 'profession'. Same goes for social workers too, some are fantastic and enthusiastic about their role and others just turn up to get paid if you know what I mean.

Group homes on the otherhand are seldom pleasant, you have a mix of ages and personalities and a mix of reasons why people are there. You also have a mix of behaviours and attitudes and there is very little interaction from staff. Basically there is no 'family environment' and you can become institutionalised so find it hard to settle and fit in with a family.

Your brother may find he doesn't know how to be part of a family because of this and he may have issues arising from things he has seen or been through and might actually just feel outcast and different to you and your Dsis because he was sent away and you were kept. Do you know how his experience of the care system was? has anyone asked him about it?

My parents put my brother in care for a period as a teenager, due to his drug use and criminal behaviour. He is incredibly difficult to get on with but I suspect that is more to do with the ongoing drug use rather than the period in csre (although he resents that hugely).

My brother was adopted as my mum was so young when she had him back in the late sixties early seventies it was quite common i think. Anyway we all reunited when he was 18, he was very angry at her and i think at us siblings who'd come later. He'd never really bonded with his adopted parents and they went on to have their own child soon after him , he is mixed race adoopted into a white family who never told him his heritage so he didnt understand why he had different facial features etc.
All his anger and negative experiences have turned him into a very strange man, very angry, bitter, unlovable and quite creepy.
My /his mum is quite mad too and they never clicked either, he's now estrangec from all of us, we have no idea where he lives or anything. It's so so sad.