Getting back together with an ex and what happened while you were apart.

[AmenGirl]

I am so nervous to post this, I understand it's putting my relationship on show for people to poke holes in.

I don't want to give any details but I know there are so many women in a similar situation, I could really use some tips and advice.

Basically, if you and your partner broke up for a small amount of time and one of you got lonely and sought comfort in another person during that time apart, when you get back together is it right to just forget about it and move on, assuming all contact/thoughts/feelings are put to rest?

Twinkle she did say IMO before hand, to be fair.

OP - why is there no trust?
This is the bit I don't understand.
How long were you together before the 'break' and how long was the break?
He didn't actually cheat on you so I don't know why you don't trust him.

early in our relationship my now DH and I broke up.He ended it and I was gutted, I threw myself at internet dating and shagged a DJ in Ibiza!

we got back together and I loved that he had a miserable time when I was living it up. He was upset that I had been dating but tough he did the dumping, I only behaved like because I was single and didn't want to be. we are now married with a DD.

I think you need an honest conversation, ask for details and decide if you can move on, truely move on and not just until the next argument when you drag it up.

Apart for three weeks. My encounter in the first week, his encounter in the last week. It was his encounter that made him realise he wasn't interested in another woman and he only felt comfortable being with me. We got back together because we love each other but I keep questioning how he could love me if he (even for a moment) wanted to get intimate with someone else?

Um, you did...?

OP, that doesn't make sense.

Does your fling mean you don't really love him then? Or is it different for you somehow?

Me & Dp split up for 2 years and in that time we had relationships, everything that we did when we weren't together was forgotten and sine getting dogs together everything seems to of calmed down.

Apart for three weeks. My encounter in the first week, his encounter in the last week. It was his encounter that made him realise he wasn't interested in another woman and he only felt comfortable being with me. We got back together because we love each other but I keep questioning how he could love me if he (even for a moment) wanted to get intimate with someone else?

But you got with someone too and in the first week of separation.

You say you don't think you trust him but is it really yourself that you don't trust?

Well for the same reason that you did, I suppose...

And because we are all attracted to other people all the time, or we could be if we were looking around us, we just choose to do nothing about it if we are committed to someone else.

But he did this while you were separated and then choose to return to you. He sounds like someone who honestly prefers to be with you.

Jealousy is a horrible thing and it can ruin everything so try to get it into your head that if he preferred the other person he would be with them or at least not be with you.

My encounter in the first week
WOW - I've heard it all now!

Obviously a bad idea to give more details.
I really was just after a general consensus whether or not it is possible to move on from what happens in the time apart.
It is not what I did that is the issue, he is completely fine with that, It's my feelings that are stopping the progress. I wish I could just be cool about it like he has and forget and move on, but the little details do grind on me (like picturing them together).

OP, it was a good idea to give details. You still love him, right? So there's no reason he shouldn't still love you.

How you feel is different and you may not be able to get past it, but I assume you both thought the break up was final so he may have been trying to set aside his feelings for you and move on, which didn't work.

I did get over a similar situation, where I was also eaten up by jealousy until finally the penny dropped and I realised I was with an honest man who had chosen to be with me. I hope the same happens for you, OP.

Obviously a bad idea to give more details.
I really was just after a general consensus whether or not it is possible to move on from what happens in the time apart.
It is not what I did that is the issue, he is completely fine with that, It's my feelings that are stopping the progress. I wish I could just be cool about it like he has and forget and move on, but the little details do grind on me (like picturing them together).

But it is coming across as if it was ok for you but not him. Maybe he does feel the same as you but is willing to move on as it is you he wants to be with.

Yes and I'd very much like to do the same Earth. I don't want to feel jealous, I don't want to not trust him. I want to feel fantastic I'm with the man I love and I have a second chance to correct all the wrongs from the first time we were together. It has been bliss until I found out about the time apart.

Now I am having these horrible thoughts creep into my head about who might he be texting or who he might be dressing up for, etc. They are unwelcome thoughts but they're happening all the same and I just need to rationalise them by understanding that we WERE single and being upset about it is like being upset about who he might have been with before we even met.

Right?

Your unwelcomed thoughts are on the same par as someone whos been cheated on.. He didnt cheat on you, he had an encounter, as did you.

Try to rationalise with yourself, your feelings for him havent changed, you dont think about your encounter? You dont want anyone else, so why should he?

Perhaps you have some self-esteem/confidence issues?

The important thing is that after experiencing being with someone else, he preferred to be with you.