I dont really know where to go from here. The way we react to things differs so enormously I honestly dont know if we can get past it.
I am a very direct person and usually tell it like it is. I feel that if you cant speak the truth to the people you love, then there is no-one you can be truthful with, emotionally. DP clams up and withdraws, which feels to me like he is ignoring me and my feelings and that he is sulking. He maintains that he is not sulking, but he still refuses to address whatever it is that has made him clam up and seems to think that if he ignores it, itll go away. Ironically, he is the one who holds the grudges, whereas I am a hot-and-cold kind of person: cross one minute, absolutely fine the next.
I have a fairly full-on, stressful job and sometimes I can be quite short when I get home (he was, until recently, a SAHD). Often I dont even realise I do it. His response, rather than to call me on it (which I would appreciate because it would give me an insight to a behaviour I know is not nice), is to withdraw and not speak to me. He says to me, You are obviously in a bad mood so I just think its best to leave you alone. I have told him that its not the right thing to do. I would much prefer to be told when Im out of order because otherwise, how would I know?
I find him very judgmental. Example from this morning: he was asking where MIL could take DD on Friday, she is looking after her for the day. I suggest going to the local Asda cafe for a coffee and cake which DD would love, as it would be a special treat for her. His response was My mother doesnt go to big shops for fun, like you do.
Firstly, I found that really offensive. I felt that his tone was disparaging, and he was mocking the fact that I dont actually dislike food shopping. Was I being oversensitive? I am prepared to be told that I was. Its just that he quite often does this: draws comparisons with other people about something about me which I know he is slightly mocking of.
Secondly so what if his mother doesnt like going to Asda? She has asked for ideas which will keep DD amused, and this is a sure-fire winner.
Its got to the stage now where we are unable to have a normal, healthy disagreement. He takes offense at my directness and I get frustrated at his avoidance of the issues. Im not sure its anyones fault but I dont know how to deal with this in a more constructive way.