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Relationships

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Original poster

Anyone here given up men forever?!

26 replies

kirsten123 · 04/08/2014 19:05

Have any of you decided to focus on yourselves/DCs instead?

Or have you decided that you don't even WANT one after all?

I haven't put the reasons why I am thinking this way because I don't want to discuss my particular situation again, just looking for some inspiration!

All thoughts welcome, thanks in advance.

OP posts:

TakeYourVitamin · 04/08/2014 19:18

I'm doing that, for a while at least.

A book I'm reading stated that we never really fall in love with people, only with our own hopeful image of them. I've decided that's right and although I may want a relationship again one day, at the moment I just don't have the strength for that.

BlackDaisies · 04/08/2014 19:21

Yes, me!! I haven't ruled out a relationship for ever. But I certainly don't have the time or inclination right now. I live a lovely, peaceful life with my two children (both primary school age). I can't imagine bringing a man into the mix. Never say never I guess, but I'd be happy for a good few years on my own/ with my children. We have fun. More importantly it's calm at home. I like that too much I think!

sonlypuppyfat · 04/08/2014 19:24

It seems so sad your Prince might be out there somewhere

Fontella · 04/08/2014 19:28

Yeah me.

Seven years on my own now - don't ever see myself in another relationship. I've had my fair share, even after I split with the ex there were a few flings, and a disastrous relationship with a long time single male friend, that ended up ruining the friendship and since then - 2007 - I just haven't bothered.

I never meet any men and am not interested in online dating, so I reckon that's it for me to be honest. The older I get, the less likely it becomes and truth be told ... I really can't be arsed. I like being on my own (still got both my kids at home although son goes off to Uni this year). I occasionally think about 'maybe' 'what if' .. but it's a momentary thing and 95% of the time, I don't even think about it. I've got used to being by myself, doing my own thing, sleeping in my own bed .. and it would have to be something very very special indeed for me to change that.
Obviously if Mr Perfect fell into my lap that would be one thing ... but in reality that ain't ever gonna happen.

Walkacrossthesand · 04/08/2014 19:28

Trouble is, puppyfat, the act of 'looking for our Prince' is in itself corrosive to a life lived happily single. If a lovely man wanders across my path and we like the look of each other enough to see where it goes, I won't say no. But actively 'looking'? Nope.

Walkacrossthesand · 04/08/2014 19:28

Snap, fontella! But I'll raise you my 19 years to your 7...,

Romeyroo · 04/08/2014 19:31

I have given up on men to focus on me and dc. I can't imagine having another relationship for about twenty years.

I don't believe I am missing out on my 'prince', but I believe focusing on me and dc, and what my needs are in life, will help me weed out all the many frogs when the time comes to think about it again

Smilesandpiles · 04/08/2014 19:35

Yep me.

I can't be arsed and quite frankly and honestly, I'm not prepared to go through it all again. I'd rather be on my own thanks and I'm a lot happier for it.

I get the odd moment every now and again where I think "What about him?" but a few weeks later it generally ends up with a "oh fuck it, I can't be arsed"

The lonely bug bites me but the relationship threads soon kill that.

thornrose · 04/08/2014 19:35

I have been single for years. My dd has AS and we have had some rough times over the years. No way could I have focussed on a new partner and their needs during our really bad times.

Now dd is 14 I could start to consider it over the next couple of years. Unfortunately it's been so long I'm not sure where to begin.

I always picture my future and my retirement as a single person. Deep down I would like a partner though. (It's the first time I've admitted that!)

3mum · 04/08/2014 19:38

Me too. Been there, done that, got the T Shirt. No desire ever to have a relationship again. I have never got anything positive out of a relationship whereas on my own with the children I am calm and happy.

I am very happy with my own company and that of my friends and I am counting the years until I can sell our former family home when my youngest goes to university and buy my own home which isn't tainted by the past.

I have tons of projects on the go, some realistic, some probably not, but I don't have to answer to anyone but myself about them. Love it!

3mum · 04/08/2014 19:39

And PS there are no princes - just frogs!

butterflybuttons · 04/08/2014 19:54

Me - 3 years alone. Partner would be nice - but I really don't have the time. If I did let someone into our lives they would have to be pretty flipping special. Won't make the mistakes I made before. This is the longest time have ever been single - has been invaluable and empowering. Am a different person now.

Renniehorta · 04/08/2014 19:56

I am so lucky because I have always been able to stand on my own two feet financially.
I left my H 25 years ago and have never replaced him My son has now grown up to be independent and married.
I hope that his marriage is a great success. Mine was a disaster that I do not want to repeat. I have great friends and a fulfilling life. Why would I put that at risk?

sonlypuppyfat · 04/08/2014 19:58

My Dad wasn't a Prince he was a king so is my DH not all men are lowlife.

LaundryFairy · 04/08/2014 19:59

Better off getting a dog or cat and naming Prince.

PPaka · 04/08/2014 20:00

The idea revolts me

DorothyGherkins · 04/08/2014 20:01

Alone by choice -two long relationships, but single for three years, and it really suits me. I love the freedom, the peace, the contentment. Living with others was a constant compromise - I feel like I can finally breathe. Not looking for anyone ever again!

SolidGoldBrass · 04/08/2014 20:05

I will turn 50 this year and have never married or lived with a partner, which is something I'm sort of proud of.
I am on good friendly terms with my DS' dad and have quite a few male friends, but I am simply not interested in couple-relationships and haven't had one for about 11 years.

tiawalters · 04/08/2014 20:25

My mum has. She's in her mid sixties and gave up on men a long time ago. When I see women her age so restricted and conditioned by the men they live with, I can see her point.

She travels a lot, has a group of friends and many interests. She looks and sounds a lot younger than she is.

I see a lot of women her age so embittered that they can't do this or that because they have to "look after their husbands" that I think my mum has made the right choice.

It seems as you get older, women become the carers and nurses in the relationship, and a lot of men become even more selfish than ever, like children. I've seen this pattern a lot in older couples. A lot of women are happier and more relaxed living on their own.

Smilesandpiles · 04/08/2014 20:27

Oh for gods sake, no one said all men were low lives, just that we don't bloody want one.

Smilesandpiles · 04/08/2014 20:28

*lowlifes...

low lifes...Whatever, you all know what I mean.

stabbypokey · 04/08/2014 21:16

I am 45 and happily single with lots of friends. I have had some great boyfriends in my life, I'm not single because I have been treated badly. I just don't want to have to spend almost every day of my life with someone else living in my house, having to discuss every mundane decision.

HanselandGretel · 04/08/2014 21:30

I'd like somone special in my life again, been single a few years now and can't say it's a bundle of laughs but I have given up on OD as have found it depressing, too many dull rejects on there. I feel a sense of freedom from no longer actively 'looking'.
I can't actually imagine living with somone again either but certainly wouldn't turn down some nice male company but have now decided it happens if it happens, I get out there and enjoy myself with no ulterior motives of meeting someone.

LittleLadyFooFoo · 04/08/2014 21:37

I am in a bit of a quandary with someone but if it all fell flat, I would be very happy to be on my own for a while. I have made a list of non-negotiable qualities a potential partner would need to have and if he fell short then I wouldn't be interested. I've settled for second best in the past and no longer wish to do this. I can see why people prefer to be on their own.

Anarchy99 · 04/08/2014 21:52

Yes I have been celibate for nearly 14 years (since I was 30) and I wouldn't ever have a physical or emotional relationship again. Not because I am bitter, just because it isn't for me.

I never wanted children so it's even less of an issue.

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