Should I stay with him for our son's sake?

[agateaq]

Hello all,

Happy to have found this forum smile
I'll just jump right to the point.
Oh , and mods , please delete my same post in the lone parent forum , I wasn't sure where to best post this.

I met my currently ex bf online in 2007.
We hit it off great and soon met in person. He lives
In Sweden, and me in Florida. We are the same age(40).
We both made many trips back and forth to see each other as often
as possible. Then in June 2011 our son was born. We did not really
intend on having kids, but decided to keep our baby. Since a few years
I have tried to persuade my bf to move to join us, but he always had
some excuse why he couldn't. Mainly his job and parents/siblings
who live there. He worries that if he moved here he would barely see
them anymore. I moved to the US 14 years ago (from Europe)to join my sibling/parents
who moved here. Now since my dad died ,it's just my
mom and asperger brother who live here, so if I move
my mom is alone. I felt no longer attracted to my bf so broke
up with him. This was after 2 years, at least, of fading feelings.
Now,my ex has been very upset and trying to get back together.
He has said that if the breakup is permanent, that he does not
want to remain friends, or be part of our son's life, as it would
be very difficult due to the distance/cost and possible new loves. He thinks it's then best that any new bf I meet 'becomes his father'.
He does not have a driver's license so I would have to drive him , his possible new gf/new child around, together with our son. And he feels it would make any new loves too uncomfortable. Same , if he travels here alone to see his son.

So, do I ignore my own needs and stay with this man so that
my son sees his father, or do I continue with the breakup?

I'm really quite depressed about this . He's coming in two weeks to stay for a month, possibly the last time. He wants to see if we can re-ignite me feeling sparks, but I already know that it won't happen for me. He says he still loves me very much, but towards the end of our relationship he never said it on his own anymore.

Thanks.

No, you should not.

He is an entitled arse, never heard anything like it.

No, you should not stay with him. Anyone who is not even prepared to try to put himself in the same country as you and your son, and is threatening you in this way is not an adequate father. You would be far better off as a single parent than with him.

Don't get back together with him.

It's his job to figure out the practicalities of seeing his son, not yours. If he doesn't want to know his son, then your kid is better off without him anyway. What a nob.

It's not like skype, cheap flights etc don't exist. He could make it work if he put your son above himself.

Thanks for the replies so far :)
He does talk on skype sometimes with his son, when I'm prepared to turn it on, but then he says it's too painful. The flights cost about $1000 for a roundtrip /adult and child older than 2, so the costs do add up. He also said he is prepared to care for our son and that I could visit him there or live with him there, but that's not an option. I just don't know anymore. I don't want to make a hasty/selfish decision that affects my son in such a bad way :(

Absolutely not. What a selfish man he is. Any man that says he'd have to give up his son is no man at all. Move on OP but keep the door open for him where his son is concerned, I only say this for his sons sake, not his. Then when your DS is older this selfish thing (if he ever makes contact) can't lay any blame at your door, which Im sure he'd do.

He's a cock, just treat him with calm indifference. If he won't see his son then it's his loss - just tell your boy that some people are not very good at being parents - they can't help it, it's the way they are, and it's in no way DS' fault that his father is one of those people.

Basically, believing you have to feed this man's ego and let him stick his dick in you regularly for the sake of your son - it's not true. Better no father than a shit one.

He also said that maybe in time (maybe a year orso) he could consider working from home like me and stay here 6 months a year. But it's vague , and he's been saying it while with no certain date. He was also willing to care full time for our son and I'd visit him then, but then I'd miss my son too much so no.

Someone this lazy, whiny and selfish is not going to make a good primary carer. You fell out of love with him because he was a sulky immature bellend, that was a perfectly reasonable thing to do. I suggest you just ignore this man as much as possible and let him sod off in a strop if that's what he wants to do.

Absolutely do NOT stay with him.