just found out dp been having an affair help

[jolly4]

i am distraught i have a 9 yr old boy and 18 month girl , we have had our ups and downs as you do but we are getting along just fine and planning a weekend away alone,mypartner and i, we have been together 17 yrs not married, he went away to latvia today with 3 boyfriends , my mother came at 7 too keep me company i am not against him doin things with his mates but i had a knock on our door at 10 too 9 . this woman s sister works with my partner , she came too tell me she has been seeing him for 9 months twice a week when he finish work, and has been out twice and that she has had an abortion too him today and she said he said he would nt leave me because of kids and i would stop him ,i was so calm then but now so angry , she scratched all his car bonnet on way out , i think she is scorned and he has had a mad affair , by the way i had pnd and 2 months ago hit an alltime low we have been away to spain in june anglesey in august we have had it hard though the usual we are both41 he is loving towards me and i have no doubt this stupid cow has been naive she knew about me ,sorry i could have got into affairs i just dont go there ,what a b ----d i love him dearly how do i deal with this ,dont just say get rid thats what i thought but its difficult

jolly i have just read through all this and im so sorry. my ex bf had an affair and we tried to work it through but he went on to have another with a different person.

did he ever tell you the full truth?

jolly4, there are many of us on here, who've gone through the same thing. You are not alone. You can always CAT me if you want too. Take care of yourself and remember at all times - you are worth so much more. Life does get better, I speak from experience. Take it one day at a time, cry when you need to, scream if it helps. Get a babysitter in, go out with friends. Get a new hairdo. Anything that will make you feel good about you.

Above all, remember that there are lots of us here who can listen when you need it.

Jolly4

Just read this and i too am one who has gone through this - it would have been at about the same time as you. We are working through it now and it has been a very very tough year.
If you need someone to talk to i am here too and you can cat me.

Thinking of you.

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jolly4-don't get to MN so often these days (partly a good sign as don't feel the need so ogten)so just spotted yor post from the other day.
Even though it may seem ages it is infact still very early on your "road to recovery" and there are no guarantees.

For us we didn't start feeling near "normal" again for at least a year after it all came out. I went through a miriad of emotions and ideas about how i felt, how i thought he felt, whether we had a future together. In all honesty there are still very rare days even now when I have doubts I did the right thing but 99% of the time I KNOW we are doing fine and we both want what we have and can appreciate each other more having nearly lost it all!

There came a point at about 7mths when I realised we were working together- both wanting the same thing but not quite knowing how to get there. that was a big break through- there was still lots of hurt and work and tears o go through (they still appear every now abd then even today) but the working together towards a common goal-ie not splitting, getting through this, making it work- it sounds as though despite all that's happened you are reaching that common goal too.

If what you had before all this was good then it's worth fighting for- just look at this site and all the relationships there are and you'll see many people struggle to even get close to a good relationship- if you had that once work together to get it back, slowly very slowly it can get stronger and closer.

Hope you are moving forward, 1 day at atime-that's all you can do. I'll keep an eye if you want to talk futher.