Falling in love with someone when you don't really know them

[TakeYourVitamin]

I've recently realised that the last 2 people I've fallen for/been in love with have something in common. I fell for them very very fast, without really knowing them properly. In one case I knew them somewhat from a few months of chatting, but the other case I barely knew them at all.

I fear that I have a pattern developing and want to understand why I do it and what I can do to stop it.

I was in a very vulnerable position both times. One situation ended in a longish term relationship, the other situation I never told the person how I felt because they were in a long term relationship.

I'm single now, I don't feel like dating for a while, but when I do I really don't want to fall into this trap again. Neither time was logical or thought out, despite me generally being a very logical person generally. It's like my emotions took over to a very scary extent.

Anyway, just looking for tips or any advice from people who have experienced similar please. :)

Possibly confusing Love with Lust? Lust happens straight away, whereby love is something that grows and develops over time.

It's completely normal to fall head-over-heels mad for someone quite quickly. It can be hard to act rationally, but it seems there's just no stopping it sometimes!

I found myself falling obsessively and passionately in love with a man much older than myself, I flipped my life over for him as soon as I met him. He turned out to be a very magnetic but unscrupulous narcissist, and I got v hurt. You learn from these things. I don't actually regret those years.

It's OK to say to someone you dont want to rush into things, and remember to hold part of yourself back until things are clearer in your head.

Thanks Squid.
I know one of the cases was lust, it had to be because we didn't know each other, but the other was love, it really was. The love grew over time obviously, but it was still love from the beginning.

The problem was that I was very happy to rush things, I'm very impulsive and when something feels right I go with it. I suppose I need to learn to temper the feelings with common sense somehow.

It's not love, it's limerence. Google it, there's loads of good info out there. I used to be a huge sufferer so I really sympathise, it's incredibly disruptive.

It was limerance which got my ex husband into all kinds of situations….including a divorce. He used to declare he loved these women and they him but they didn't know him if they did they'd have run a mile and he didn't know them really.

It's normal to feel these things but it isn't healthy to act as though they're anything but (usually) a passing phase, especially if you don't know the person and they're not available - either because of their circumstances or because they're essentially a narc or some such.

It's not love. It's often the feeling of having our emotional needs met which makes us feel like it's love, and most of that is projection.

I can totally relate to you Ive been in a similar predicament I had been off and on with my kids dad for ages and took me a long time to figure out I loved him it was a case of dont know what youve got till its gone.
During a break from him fell for some guy (right bastard to me aswell) was heartbroken took me ages to get over him I regretted getting so involved so soon and I hoped I had learned from it vowed never to put myself in that position ever again.

However got with my new partner in May 2013 and went very quickly felt very confused about lust and love as much as I felt I loved him I was very much on my guard, In the August found out I was pregnant very unexpected as been careful, was petrified of telling him which is when I realised I didnt know him at all, I did tell him and he was brilliant unfortunately miscarried 2 weeks later in September I did push him away because I didnt want him seeing me upset Main reason I didnt feel comfortable with him seeing me cry thought would put him off me... Anyway he was fab and although id told him I didnt want him there he came to hospital when I was having the scan to comfirm I had lost it. He was fab all way through and took me away for weekend once felt better it was then we both told each other properly we loved each otherm some might say it was too soon and we were just in lust but still going strong and pregnant again, We are getting married next year and I honestly believe I loved him from the start so regret been so cautious.

Think its no good worrying what will be will be you just have to have your witts about you, look out for any warning signs, follow gutt instincs etc.

Sorry I rambled on just wanted to share that you can love some one early on and it work out, I know its still early days in eyes of some people but we are both so happy. Good luck in the future and try put bad experiences behind you best you can x

I have read about limerence and I know the first person was definitely limerence. The second really didn't feel that way though. It was a longish relationship and we both loved each other very deeply, in fact I am still in love.
I'm glad you are so happy crazylady.