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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

its me again sorry.

11 replies

SHIREENSMOM · 02/04/2004 15:51

i havent been on here for 3 weeeks the pc was getting fixed. well i thought id update you on the marriage thing it has all changed again is is now going in june to pakistan to get married, and he is moving back in with his mom next week (that was my idea)
i cant explain how im fealing i think about it every day and it doesnt seem to bother him at all is there any one else who this has happened to i just neeed to talk

OP posts:
Fizog · 02/04/2004 16:27

I must have missed a lot of stuff?? Last thing I heard you two were staying together and he wasn't going to pakistan. That must have been about Feb time... what happened?

Original poster
SHIREENSMOM · 02/04/2004 16:31

he decieded he wasnt going to go then about 4 weeks later him dad gave him ths bog lecture and now he is going bacause he doesnt want to upset his mom

OP posts:
Tissy · 02/04/2004 16:31

Shireensmom...is he staying out in Pakistan, or bringing his wife back? If he's coming back you MUST make sure that he provides financially for you and your dd. It doesn't matter that he will have a new wife , you and your dd are still his responsibility. See a lawyer (maybe CAB as a first port of call)and certainly contact the CSA.

Fizog · 02/04/2004 16:38

Oh dear, I'm really sorry to hear that

So have you decided it's over - once and for all? or is it very much up in the air still?

Original poster
SHIREENSMOM · 02/04/2004 16:44

at the moment we are still together just about he is going for 2 weeks and then she is coming over here in about 6 months i think,
what i dont get is what is his mom thinking she nos about me an dd she is a mother and a wife herself dooesnt she understand what she is doing to me.

he has 5 other brothers who are all married and 2 3 sisters who are also married about 2 weeks ago she forced his younger brother to get married he is in a write state he is in 5 grand debt and his mom thought the best thing for him was to get married i just dint understand the way they think. i have had to leave work because of al this and i am really starting to be very bitter about it all

OP posts:
Original poster
SHIREENSMOM · 02/04/2004 16:45

i ment 2 sisters not 23

OP posts:
sis · 02/04/2004 19:40

Oh Shireensmom, really sorry you are feel so bad - your boyfriend still seems to be determined to blame others for his decisions - his dad may have given him a lecture about the getting married etc but it is his decision to agree to the marriage!

Sometimes, in life, you have to make difficult decisions which will hurt some of those you love but he seems unable to do this - when his parents pressurise him, he agrees to get married and when you talk to him about how it will affect you and your dd, he changes his mind and to be honest, this toing and froing is probably worse in the long term, than if he just said I have decided to do X and then stuck to it.

I am very sorry you have had to give up your job too, is that because of childcare for when he goes for the fortnight?

Original poster
SHIREENSMOM · 03/04/2004 17:04

ok well today i found out that she (his wife to be god its so hard for me to say that) is coming here 12 months after they marry then she will stay here for a year and then go back to pakistan to live with his mom and dad who are going to live overe there after he is married so really all they want this woman for is to be their slave god im so wound up today.
tissy i have been to the social and made a claim for income support and it should be through soon but as for the csa im going to leave it fot now because he promised to give me money for her as and when i need it and if he slips up just once i will be straight down there.
i have been putting little amounts of money (his money cause i havent got none) just incase he leaves me in the $hit and the other day i made him buy me a new washing machine and fridge freezer because thery are on their way out and i wont be able to afford them on my own .
at the moment i am taking one day at a time it just hasnt sank in yet, i love him so much and last night i asked him if he loved me and he said yes he hasnt told me that for 3 years god i need a drink

OP posts:
Original poster
SHIREENSMOM · 03/04/2004 17:05

is it true what they say "if you love someone let them go"

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lailag · 03/04/2004 17:50

sorry to hear about this, I think i have mentioned it already but I have seen it happen before but luckely there were no children involved.

grumpyzebra · 03/04/2004 18:09

Pisser, Shireensmom... so sorry to hear it's going this way, after all.

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