Does everyone get treated disrespectfully at times, or is there something I'm doing wrong?

[KiKiFrance]

Before I start, not everyone treats me that way, but I feel like I get my fair share of disrespectful treatment and of being taken for granted. Some people try it on with me (being nasty) but then speak to others really nicely.

For example a friend of a friend is on my FB friends. She only ever comments on my FB photos and statuses if it's to say something sarcastic or with nasty undertones. She can't ever say anything nice to me. Yet with others she is all sweetness and light.

Another friend, whom I have been a very good friend to, seems to take me for granted. Tonight she asked a question on her FB status and I made an effort to reply to her in a helpful manner, then someone else said the same thing after me, and she liked their post and was all gushy and thanking them, and totally ignored mine. She often does things like this with me, ie relies on me as a friend when she needs something but will happily ignore me if someone else is there.

Then there is yet another friend, who again I feel I am a good friend to, that can never ever say anything nice to me, yet is full of compliments about everyone else, saying how nice/pretty/slim/well dressed the other person is, and expecting me to agree. I know it sounds really petty but I feel that she is always looking down at me a bit as if I am not quite good enough.

I have also had a handful of people in the last few years that have seemingly gone out of their way to be unkind or unpleasant to me. Of course, I cut those people off and move on, and I am lucky enough to have some lovely friends. I guess it just seems as though other people don't get hassle from others or don't get people that don't appreciate them.

Does it happen to everyone at times or am I doing something to attract this treatment?

Watching with interest as you have described me! I have been training myself to pull back from people like this which is hard as I'm such a people pleaser.

Perhaps they feel you expect praise and ignore you to get at you? I think that is how people see me sometimes.

I don't know about disrespectfully. I suppose most people have had less than nice people around, but I tend to ignore them and detach or get back with suitably assertive or cutting remarks.
Whatever you do, though, never lose your cool or start complaining that you're not given enough attention or play the victim.

Yes everyone does have this happen from time to time. It's not nice, but it's just part of life.
I don't know if I'm being 'sensitive', but I've stopped obsessing about it! Easier said than done I know.

I am quite like this and over the past few months have been very aware of it. I've been working a lot on myself lately and it's something that springs up constantly. I notice people don't listen to me when I speak in a group, I feel edged out sometimes, I've even become aware of myself moving out of groups subconsciously when I've felt excluded or not included in conversation. My dh thinks it's an alpha thing ie they are the dominant in our relationship. I just think my confidence and self esteem are rock bottom, people sense it and maybe without even meaning to, they sort of take over the relationship. How are your confidence levels OP?

A mixture probably.

Sometimes it happens, sometimes we perceive it to be happening but an objective view would not back that up. sometimes our own lack of confidence self-worth etc attract us to the wrong people/the wrong people to us, we spend too much time trying to please that people don't respect us or take us for granted, sometimes we don't see ourselves acting in a similar way, or it happening to other people, but do notice when it happens to us. Sometimes we feel it is happening a lot when we are at a low but it doesn't seem to happen, or we don't notice when we are in a good place. Some people are more sensitive to others' apparent disrespect than others.

I do have a friend who is often complaining about how others treat her, bus drivers, general public, anyone, and I do sometimes feel in her case she is looking for offence. The things she talks about are things I would have not noticed or forgotten after 10 mins. She seems to take them personally.

Why do you care about the 'friend of a friend on facebook'? or the other 'handful of people'? I can maybe see your point with close friends but I wouldn't keep friends like that close, as for the others - get a thicker skin, get a bit more of an attitude and tell them you hope their next farts a shite and their next shites a hedgehog. A very fucking prickly one.

Hi OP: it sounds as if you are trying too hard to please/be liked by these people. People can pick up on this and it can sometimes make you appear weak to a certain kind of person. This is horrible but there are people like that out there.

Try giving less of a shit about these people. I guarantee they will respect you more.

Agree with others. Focus on your lovely friends. Stop chasing/trying to please those who make you feel bad. Otoh, worth examining what in you makes their behaviour feel bad? Easier said than done!

Maybe you could do with more confidence. There's a ton of stuff on line just Google how to be more confident and see what helps. It could be that you're brooding too much about people who don't care about you, I've tortured myself in the past and worried about why people didn't like me or what they did or didn't say on Facebook.
The more you worry about whether or not you fit in the less you're working on your self esteem and confidence. Concentrate on the few close friends you have and be polite but forget the rest. I gave up agonising about Facebook a couple of years ago and feel better for it.

Wayne Dyer on YouTube your erroneous zones, fab book just listen while you're getting ready for your day. He talks about how we waste so much time worrying about nothing.

I've had this a lot. Sometimes it seems as though I have a special skill in bringing out the bully in a person...

From my experience it isn't really about what I'm doing, but more about how I am - which is generally nice and pleasant, which is why it feels so unfair. I'm definitely a people pleaser. I was also bullied at home as a child - therefore almost expect to be kicked.

What I've learned over the years, it that some people just want to be the queen bee or top dog, and they will put you down in order to put themselves up. Also, others will only have you in their circle if they feel they can control you, so will ignore you if they think they cant control you.

People do tell me that I need more confidence, but I'm honestly not sure that that is the answer. I think that it is about feeling socially secure, and I think there is a difference between that and self confidence.

To be honest I rarely experience this type of behaviour, I think it's because I don't put up with shit from people. If people treat me badly, I cut them out of my life. It's quite simple. It seems as if these people that you mention are serial offenders and yet you LET them get away with treating you disrespectfully. I don't have 'friends' who take me for granted, what's the point? Those people aren't your friends.

For the woman who is sarcastic and negative on FB, delete her, for the woman who takes you for granted, why bother to make a comment on FB?. I think you need to grow a pair, and I mean that in the nicest possible way, OP! You need to get tougher, know your self worth.

I agree with the poster who said that some people will pick up on your lack of self esteem and treat you accordingly. I think you would benefit from some self development be it reading self help books or from therapy. You will find that once your self worth increases, your interaction with people will become more satisfactory.

everyone gets people who try this sort of behaviour.

The best thign to do is unfriend these people - why on earth do you want the friend of a friend who posts nasty stuff on your Friends list?!- and to gently drop out of the lives of people who won't help you when you've helped them. naturally everyone is busy now and then but if there's a consistent pattern of you being there for someone but that someone not being there for you - gentlly withdraw. They aren't really a true friend at all.

There's a balance in friendships, same as most things. If things are badly out of balance, usually someone is using the other person.

Because they can be nasty with no repercussions.

Because they aren't very nice or confident people to start with.

I think it maybe gives them a feeling of power, they can treat you however they want, but they are obsequious to other people on FB because they desperately want them to like them (sign of low confidence).

I don't know why but the people who don't try to win friends, who are busy with their happy lives, are the ones people do want as friends. Try an experiment, be the happy busy person (too busy to mess around on FB) for a month or so and see if suddenly everyone wants to be your friend, but be picky on who you choose.

You can change your facebook so some folk are friends and others are just acquaintances. I would either unfriend or put the not nice people in your acquaintances and when you do an update make sure it is only visible to your friends.

I think as you get older you get a thicker skin and care less what folk think about you tbh. But they don't sound like very nice people really.

FB lends itself to all that sort of passive aggression. I think there is something about FB that can bring about all those hurtful, silly behaviours in people. That's why I left it and don't look back.

I do think that if you're a nice, kind person, people can take you for granted sometimes. It has happened to me a lot and it has hurt deeply.

I try to keep my relationships in the now and the real world only, and try to surround myself of people who are nice and kind, even if they are not life long friends.

It's not your fault, OP, but you might have to set firmer boundaries around certain people in your life so as to protect yourself, and not let their behaviours get at you.