Ideas Needed

[strong123]

Would like to get some of your wise words. Have been separated for a couple of months and generally I'm starting to feel much happier and looking forward to life. I still have to have contact with him as we have a business together and for the majority of the time manage this OK.

However we split due to his friendship with a female friend who lives down the road from me. He is still seeing her at least once a week and leaves his car outside her house. This really winds me up - not because I want him back but because he is still spending more time with her than his own children (who he sees for about 1hr on Sunday afternoons). I know he is partly doing this to provoke a reaction from me and I am struggling to not react to it.

Does anyone have any suggestions to help me cope better with this? Maybe I need to join a gym or buy a punch bag :)

this must be really hard for.you..can understand why it winds you up. unfortunately dont think.theres much.you can.do. think.evil.thoughts but dont actomin it. exercise sounds very sensible - continue to work.on yourself and remind yourself ofl.the reasons why you dont like him. eventually you wont care any more.

Sounds like the problem is his very limited contact with his children, not his friendship.

Why is he not spending more time with the kids?

He works long hours during the week. He then spends Friday evening around her house drinking and doing drugs (another reason why I asked him to leave) which means he is out to the early hours of Saturday morning. He then spends Saturday recovering so only ever really sees the children on Sunday.

He does see them weekly but it's like he has no interest in them, i.e. the other week they wanted to go to the cinema and he just dropped them off as he wanted to get back home to watch the snooker

Sounds like you had a lucky escape! Every time you see his car repeat 'lucky escape' 'freedom' 'glad I escaped that turd/wanker' or some such mantra, may or may not help but worth a go! Might also be easier on the children if they don't depend on him as he sound like the type to let them down.

I think you need to focus on the fact that you're protecting your children from his damaging behaviours. Whilst that car's there, and he's with her, he's not messing your children around.

Thanks everyone for your replies - I know in my head I've had a lucky escape and what you are saying makes sense but she also has 2 children and it is hard accepting that he seems to spend more time there than with his own children.

At the end of the day I think she is using him for everything she can get out of him - he brought an expensive birthday present for her daughter earlier in the year and it is things like this that really make me mad!!

Fortunately the children are old enough now to make their own decisions and our DD is already starting to distance herself from him. I know it is her choice but again it is hard as they were so close in the past.

Yes it must be incredibly disappointing that he isn't the man he could and should be. Its very unfair on your children too. They do have something to make up for it though, you! Sounds trite and a bit cliche but its true. I had an absent dad and a great mum and never felt the loss.

I'm not sure how you go about such things, but is it possible to get arrangements (financial and access) formally arranged? It's obviously up to him how he spends his money and time, but your child's needs need meeting too.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and suggestions.

Vivacia - he is generous when it comes to money but they would prefer less money and more of his time - but maybe I have to accept that there are some things which I can't chnage

he is generous when it comes to money

Ah, sorry, I thought you were concerned that money was being mis-spent. Also, I was thinking that if arrangements were formalised he'd spend more time with your daughter.