My f***ing mother!!! (rant sorry)

[Emskilou]

I've never been particularly close to my mother, my grandparents brought me up and I have no clue who my father is. We live 400 miles apart and have a relationship of sorts over the phone, I only really started to talk to her when my dd was born 22 months ago. Anyway I called her tonight after my db and ds hinted at me to, I do it more for their sake than my own, and I wish I hadn't. I have, in the last few days, been prescribed ad's for recurrent depression, I have not been coping too well and been crying myself to sleep for the last few weeks. My sister and brother knew and told my mother, which I didnt really want them to but not a lot I can do about it. Anyway her response was 'Why?? how dare you take medication when you are still bf MY grandson (7 months)!!' At first I thought this was a wind up, she usually attempts to have a laugh with me, but it wasn't. She was being deadly serious. Needless to say I ended the conversation shortly after that. I am angry, hurt and upset and really needed to rant about it. Sorry, but if anyone wants to tell me that I am not a bad mother for taking ad's that would be great, but you don't have to. Oh f**k it I'm crying now. I am sorry for the appalling language but that is how I am feeling right now, sorry.

you are not a bad mother for taking ad's you are stronger than you think cos you have sort help I assume gp knows you are bf so will have taken this into accountwhen prescribing

You are not an appalling mother. I know you are upset right now but you would not have been prescribed them if you didn't need them.

It is really easy to make people feel guilty about their parenting but please do not let your mother get to you. Lots of people take ads. I have no experience of ads but I would guess that they will help you to feel better and therefore have more fun with your children.

You are doing nothing wrong

Emskilou, you are not a bad mother for taking ADs, not at all.

Your mother doesn't know what she's talking about. Don't fret, sweetheart x x x

Oh Emskilou, poor you . Of course you are not a bad mother; you are taking responsible action to ensure your baby has a happy, confident, coping mother. (I'm assuming btw that your medication is not contraindicated for bf - if it is you should talk to your GP about other options, but you know that.) You must be feeling very vulnerable right now, and particularly in relation to your mother. Feeling for you. Give yourself a hug, have a cup of tea. Maybe your mother feels she has something to prove about what good mothering is - but that is her agenda, not yours; try not to take it on. xx

prob just as well you live so far apart, i could rant for ages over useless mothers who drive you insane, you carry out your life the way you need to it sounds like you need some support do you have close friends or just the one incompetent mother like me, i always find putting her to the back of your mind and concentrating on your little ones does it for me they are all that matters

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Of course you're not being a bad mother, you're doing what you need for yourself and your children to have a happy mum. Not all ADs go through in breastmilk, maybe she doesn't know that.

Someone in this story is an appalling mother, but it isn't you. ((hugs))

You are breast feeding = good on you!
You had a difficult problem that many people dont face up too, you went to your gp admitted it and took practical steps to remedy it = good on you!

Im sure that you are taking safe medication and unless your mother is a pharmacist i would ignore her and dont let her feel guilty as both the things she is criticisng are positive.

She's got a flaming cheek. Taking ADs does NOT make you a bad mother, it makes you a good mother who is seeking help. Go and find a pillow, pretend it's her, and scream out all those things you'd like to say to her.

Thank you all so so much, I am doubting myself so much and having her say that just knocked me back again. I had a good day today and she had to go and do that, I know in a little while into the future I'll see her for what she is but right now the last person I thought who would judge me did. Why? I had sever pnd last year dd was 8 months and I was 3 months pg with ds and my husband had left me, had even planned how I would end my own life, I didnt take ad's then I went to cbt, it helped me so much and I have come so far from that I just felt I needed a little helping hand to get through this part, why does she have to do this? I dont understand? Ugh why am I getting so annoyed and hurt by this, not as if she was REAL mother to me anyway, as soon as I was born she basically gave me to my grandparents (her parents). I'm so sorry to rant on and on but I need to get this off of my chest in the vain hope I can sleep tonight. Oh and I am taking paroxetine the dr said it was ok, he asked 3 other drs their opinions and they agreed, but it IS ok isn't it?

Presumabky your doctor checked. Everytime I've been prescribed antibiotics etc when bf they check the book doctor's have and pick something that doesn't interfere or least does so.
We've already got Tom Cruise saying women should not take ADs. We don't need your mother at it too. It's a matter of life and death sometimes to take them.
Just don't contact her. My mother was never very easy to have around but over the years we worked out reasonable ways of ensuring some contact that worked for us.

if your grandparents brought you up then who the F* is she to say you are a bad mother?? i can't say i found ad's very helpful but they work for some people. as others have said, your gp will have taken into account the fact that you're bf-ing. you're not a bad mother. you just sound like you need some TLC.

Thank you for your replies, thats kind of what I thought theUrbanDryad, but she still manages to make me feel like sh*t. Me getting upset isn't going to help me or my children so I'll just have to get up and dust myself off and get on with being a better mother than she ever could be, she has taught me one lesson in life though, never to be anything like her. I'm off to bed as I need my rest as I may be helping out another mner who lives near me and is in labour with no one to look after her dd, at least I still have my nan with me

oooh....whos in labour?? let us know how it goes i'm very keen to hear labout stories at the moment as i'll be having my first in january, quite scared but also strangely looking forward to it!

you go get 'em emskilou. you sound like a fab mum to me!! take care chuck....xx

please ignore your mother(I know thats easier said than done)
I am current;y taking ad's and I'm pregnant and I will still be taking them when I bf this child
You are not a bad mother, she sounds like she is
for you

Thank you all so much, its amazing how messages from mners can help so so so much. I am feeling a lot better about myself and its mosty down to you guys, can't thank you enough xxx