Would you continue to persue a guy who is moving across the country?!..... Help!

[Sunset89]

I have got myself into a situation and my head is so confused what to do! Advice would be really helpful

I have been speaking to a lovely guy every day for nearly a month and been on 3 dates. His family live 10 minutes away from me and we met through mutal friends. When we are together we act like a couple and we have great chemistry and get on well..... However he has just got a job in London 4 hours drive from me (2 hours train) and now I am confused what to do!!!

I have spoken to him about it a few times and he said we should still see how things go, he said he really likes me and doesn't want to stop been close because he's in London. He also said his family are near me so he will be back and forth when he can. I think I am a little bit more realistic and I said I think if we did continue it it would be really difficult but then I don't want to stop talking and chatting to him as we got on well... To which he replied well we can always see how things go, it might not be too difficult but if it was we wouldn't hate each other....

I don't know whether to keep talking and seeing how it goes or leave it now before I get too attached? I have been hurt so much in the past and I don't know whether I am setting myself up for more pain!!!! He is back in another 3 weeks from now and said he aims to work there for a while but not for ever.

If you were in my situation what would you do?!

I wouldn't pursue him but I'd see how it went.

LDR can be hard but they can work.

How old are you both?

I would probably give it a go long distance for a while (probably a year) I think you will always be wandering 'what if?' I think you 'know' quite quickly if there is a future in a relationship.

I think if he thought he wanted to carry on seeing you he would be much more positive about it. He sounds like he's anticipating problems really.

Not denying it's realistic to see it could be difficult, but if he wanted it to work he would be saying "don't worry, I'll be down every couple of weeks, you can come and see me/ I really want this to work" etc But it sounds like his heart's not really in it by saying "we'll still be friends if it doesn't work out".

So personally I would cool it off, wish him well and get back on the dating scene. I am an old cynic though, so you don't necessarily need to listen to my advice!

See how it goes but I'm not sure it'd work either.

Speaking nearly every day but only had 3 dates? Seems a bit too full on for having only just met and surely if he really liked you he'd see you more?

Or maybe I've read too many dating books But treat them mean, keep them keen works better for me. I say go out lots, have a great time and stop speaking so much and see where things go. Make him work harder and not take you for granted, ready and waiting for him.

I think you have to have been together alot longer, be more solid, to make a LDR work.

My partner works in France, and its hard. You have to have an "End plan" and ours is that we will all eventually move over to France. 2 hours on a train doesnt sound so bad...

Id see how it goes, but if it doesnt work out, you can say you tried, youll never be left wondering "What if.."

Thank you for the responses!!!!!

Were only 24! The reason I have only seen him once a week is because prior to the big move (today!) he has been back and forth in London looking for a flat to live!!! He's left today to move there properly and starts his new job on Monday!

I think he wants to see if we can make it work and to an extent he has tried to reassure me by saying 'it's not that far' but I guess deep down he knows it's not a walk in the park to begin a relationship ldr!

I'm torn whether to keep making an effort and talking to him or literally completely cool it off and see if he makes an effort with me! I know these next couple of weeks he will be busy with a new job and new place to live!!

I also said if we continue it we would start liking each other and end up been hurt, he responded by saying it was already too late for him.....!!

Thanks a lot for the advice!!!!

X

I was with future-DH for a year, then we were at opposite ends of Europe for a year, then I thought 'fuck it' and moved to Barcelona to give it a proper chance.

However, I was young, impulsive, didn't have mortgage/job to worry about etc.

Honestly, I'd try a LDR. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Nothing wrong with being 'just friends'.

Just seen your update, OP. I was 23 when I met DH, 24 when I moved.

We had been together longer than you, but then every relationship is different.

What are your options? Move to London? Could you up sticks from your job, plus find somewhere to rent in London? Would it freak the guy out? Hs he suggested you do that, or made comments about it?

Romantic but scary - oh, to be young again

It's weird we have only been on three dates and I actually feel really down today and my heart has this sinking feeling like I'm going through a mini break up!!! I think I am just anticipating the worst so i don't get my hopes up!! We still agreed we both wanted to talk to each other and he wants to see me again in 3-4 weeks when he's back!! I am really cynical and I don't have much faith in guys, so I think I am just assuming this is the end!

We both said that it feels like we have known each other a lot longer, but it does concern me that we haven't built up that initial strong bond before he goes, as it's only been a number of weeks! We have only kissed (it took us about 20 mins to say goodbye on Friday!!) so obviously it's still really early stages!!

Hmmmmm I might see if he continues to put the effort in and see if the conversation still flows in the next couple of weeks- think I might back off a little bit though!!

Really not thought about if I would move away, if I thought id met my husband I definitely would but I know how expensive London is to live which puts me off! Obviously it's hard to tell yet whether this is the case as we barely know each other!! When discussing his future

Plans he said he plans to stay in London for a while but not forever and then move s

(So sorry my phone keeps posting the message way too early)

Move somewhere 'fun' but I have no idea what he means by that!!!

Xx

I don't think you should break it off with him. Just go along with it and see what happens. Worry about the future when it happens.

Maybe in six months you will have broken up and you won't care where he lives, maybe in six months you'll be crazy in love and moving will seem the natural thing to do. But you can't predict what is going to happen now, so stop worrying about it.

elQuintoConyo- he's made a few references how I should look for jobs over there- these were made really early on!! But I wouldn't want to put all my eggs in one basket and make the move for a guy I barely know so soon!

I had a ldr once and it just sort of dwindled, so it wasn't painful really.

Have you just answered your dilema yourself, in your last post ^^Sunset89 ?

Keep an open mind, see how it goes LDR, then do something dramatic - move! - or not, when the time feels right.