Very shy and so is he....how do I possibly take things further?

[GratefulHead]

Hello, I have NC for this but would love some advice,

I have even separated for 7 years, no relationships since then and am a single parent to one child.

Several months ago I met a man (let's call him Simon) and we have become really good friends. Simon is about the same age as me, has been through real mental health issues in the past (but so have I so this is no problem to me) and is I think very shy (as am I) p.

We talk every single day, share lots of laughter and interests and he has been really supportive and helpful over some stuff happening in my life. He has helped me with flat pack furniture and we have had some lovely afternoons just sat in the garden.

People around us are speculating that we are in a relationship and we have a laugh about that but in all honesty I really like him but am scared to make the first move. Possibly I fear rejection and I also fear (but want) a sexual relationship as I have low arousal disorder due to a past history of sexual abuse and my current antidepressants. I am therefore not going to be an easy partner for any man to have. There are times for example where I just don't want to be touched.but I really like this man and I think he likes me too.....but I also this, he is very shy.

My son is off on holiday with his Dad for two weeks soon and I have a couple of days out planned with this man.

What (if anything) could I say to him about taking things further? How do I ask him about his feelings if he is as shy as me? We are spending lots of time together and part of me feels I shouldn't rush anything but should just see what happens over time.

I don't know anymore how I should proceed. I keep rehearsing things I could say in my head but bottle it completely when I see him. We have a great time together but I am wondering if we are both stepping round the elephant in the room by avoiding the talk about heading into a relationship.

It's just not easy for me given my past.

I wish I could be one of these confident outgoing women who can just ask a man upfront "how do you feel about me"?

I am definitely developing feelings for this man though and in a way it's good as I always said I would never get into a relationship again.

How physical have you been so far?

Seriously OP, just make a pass at him!

Good luck - update us how you get on

Physical? Well we have hugged each other and he will touch me when talking or joking but it's like we are both nervous.

I think going in for a snog might be the best way?! When it feels right. It saves any awkward conversations.

Ok, I think you need to up this casual touching. Admire his shirt and stroke his arm, sympathise with a graze on his finger from building the flat pack and touch his hand, that kind of thing.

If you can, make it a tender action, a little squeeze or lingering pat, as if you can't stop yourself from touching him. If you're really brave, finish with eye contact and a little smile.

Eventually, you're going to have to do it with no excuse other than you want to touch him, and then I reckon you're in to roller-coaster, butterflies, risk-taking territory.

Thank you, it's been a very long time for me and I am very closed up about it all. I always said I would never have a relationship ever again. This is the first man in a long time who has made me feel differently,

He does have his issues, not least his mental health which has led to him being out of work over the last 20 years. However he has a job starting in September and is nervous but looking forward to it too. His past has included alcoholism and drug taking but he has been clean for the last 10 years. I wouldn't even consider it if he hadn't dealt with those problems.

Okay, I might just have to be brave....

Okay so he now gives me a hug every time he sees me. I hug him back.

However I am going to move cautiously, he has had many issues which makes him vulnerable so I don't want to rush into anything in case it is wrong for both of us. So will just continue as we are going and accept that what will be will be. Haven't fancied anyone like this for a long time though. Trying to build up the courage to tell him that I like him but without putting pressure on him for a relationship if the time is not right for him. We are getting lots of teasing from mutual friends about how much time we spend together. We do enjoy each other's company though.

I will report back :-)