I will try and keep this brief (have namechanged as want this to remain private)
DH has always had a temper, although he's never physically abusive or shouted loudly at me or anything like that, although he can be incredibly rude and grumpy when he's in the midst of it.
He flies into this kind of 'red mist' whereby something extremely minor will set him off - e.g., he is late for something. He will then lash out verbally and start blaming all those around him for causing the situation - he absolutely cannot see sense at these times. He will generally fester for a good while afterwards and will then return to normal. He says it frightens him that he loses all control and he cannot behave normally, and that he thinks it's caused by panic reactions.
His advice to me once when I raised it was to leave him be when he's like this and let him get over it. This was also MIL's advice to me. Bollocks to that, I thought. Why should I be someone's verbal punchbag, and I'm damned if our kids are going to grow up thinking it's OK to be spoken to with such disrespect and irrationality.
Anyway, after years of being together the penny has finally dropped that he has a problem. He's said he's going to go to the GP and ask for a referral of some sort.
He is generally very inflexible in his thinking and cannot cope with changes in routine etc., so I have at times wondered about HFA or Aspergers but I don't think he has the classic 'triad of impairments'; e.g., he can generally work out other people's motives and emotions, although having said this he does have serious problems with eye contact and facial recognition.
Is there a realistic prospect of this being sorted? Has anyone else here/ or their DP sought help for this sort of thing and become a changed person? I do genuinely think he wants to change it.