Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Low self-confidence / self-esteem

1 reply

ella366 · 03/08/2014 13:16

I originally posted this in the Mental Health thread but realised that it may be better placed here.

I suffer from low-self-confidence / self-esteem and I recently seem to have got stuck in a cycle where I'm constantly worried that I have upset other people. I want people to like me all the time and stress about falling out with friends and being rejected.

For instance, a few weeks ago I accidently caused 2 friends to have a minor falling out by telling one friend a piece of information that I thought she already knew. The two friends have since moved on and made up but I am still beating myself up because I upset them and am worried that they don't like me anymore.

Then last night I was out with some friends and ended up, quite drunkenly, having a discussion with someone that probably shouldn't have taken place in the pub. This morning I am worried that I have upset him by saying something inappropriate in public. So my thought is that I should keep out of his way for a while in case I have upset him .... but I know that if I do this I will then worry that I've upset him by keeping out of the way!

On top of this a new person has recently joined the group of friends that I socialise with (I'm in my 40s btw not 15) and she gets on really well with my best friend. Everytime I see them together I am consumed with jealousy and try to manovere myself to keep them apart so that she can't 'steal' my friend.

I realise that my need for constant reassurance is unappealing and try to hold myself back from saying things designed to check that people like me. I've noticed that most others seem to be able to have disagreements without thinking the world will end.

How can I become more confident in myself and stop this constant worrying?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/08/2014 14:24

If it's an irritation, you might find there are some self-help books or local courses you could attend. If you think it's interfering with your ability to enjoy a normal life, you could talk to your GP and see if there is any counselling available

All I can offer is that you think more about how others can disagree and the world doesn't end. The conclusion I've reached, having had similar problems in the past, is that those people probably feel just as bad as you but choose to ignore it. 'Confidence' is just a front really... whatever's going on inside you, if you behave like someone who is confident, others will think that's genuinely how you feel.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page